


The New Assistant

by Persistentsquirrel



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 49,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25997026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persistentsquirrel/pseuds/Persistentsquirrel
Summary: The Doctor gets a new assistant, Irina Kozlova. How will she be doing with her new task? Is she able to gain the Doctor's trust? Will she be able to find a new friend... or even more? The story is set somewhere in the Voyager's fifth year, before "Someone to Watch over Me". Doctor/OC. Rated M for descriptions of sexual nature in the later chapters. This story is 1/3 regular Star Trek, 1/3 romantic story and 1/3 smut, so be warned ;)
Relationships: The Doctor (Star Trek)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 56
Kudos: 5





	1. 1

“B’Elanna?”  
The half-klingon looked up from the main console of the engineering bay and saw Ensign Irina Kozlova.   
“Irina! What’s up? …why are you still here?” she asked, realizing that she was again working overtime in engineering, only to find out how Kes managed to temporarily increase the warp core’s efficiency to more than 100 %. Apart from both of them engineering was deserted.  
“I… I have to talk to you.”  
“That doesn’t sound very good,” B’Elanna replied jokingly, raised herself from the console and leaned expectantly onto the railing in front of the warp core. “Joking aside: What’s the matter?”  
Irina gulped. B’Elanna had become more than her boss during the last years, she had also become her friend. She didn’t want to hurt her and wasn’t sure how to express her issue most diplomatically.  
“I want to leave,” she blurted and at the same time she realized that this was basically the exact opposite of diplomatic.  
“Leave what?” B’Elanna asked visibly puzzled and also a bit shocked. “You mean you want to leave Voyager?”  
“No, no,” Irina waved aside. “I am sorry. I meant I want to leave engineering.”  
B’Elanna seemed worried and her voice became softer.  
“Don’t you like working here? Is something bothering you?”  
“No… I mean… not exactly,” Irina answered sheepishly, looking down towards her shoes. “It’s just that… this is not where I belong. I don’t know if you remember, but a long time ago, at Starfleet academy… I wanted to become a doctor.”  
“Yes, you told me. Your grades weren’t good enough.”  
“That’s correct,” Irina answered tersely, pressing her lips together.  
B’Elanna looked at her pensively and then she realized:  
“You want to work at sickbay?”  
Irina breathed a sigh of relief.  
“Exactly. It’s not because of you or something. You know-„  
„It has always been your dream, I know...” the half-klingon interrupted. “...and I understand.”  
Irina smiled brightly.  
„That means you let me go?”  
“I am reluctant to do so. You’re doing a great job here. Although I have to admit I was sceptic in the beginning.”  
Irina only came to the Voyager through a succession procedure. She actually shouldn’t have gone on a research mission. Her grades at the academy were “not satisfactory”, that was what was remarked in her record.  
B’Elanna got up and walked towards the door and Irina followed her, trying to contain her happiness and not jump with joy. There, B’Elanna turned around, a hand on her hip.  
“But as people say… don’t keep a cat from catching mice. If this is your wish, you should pursue it. And the doctor is currently alone at sickbay, I guess he could use some company. We need a new medical assistant, now that Kes has left us. Tom is needed on the bridge way too often.”  
“And in engineering,” said Irina, sticking her tongue out.   
B’Elanna laughed and shook her head.  
“Jokes aside, I think you could be of great help there. Just as you have been a great help to us here. And a close friend to me.”  
There was a sadness in B’Elanna’s voice and Irina was touched. She avoided B’Elanna’s gaze because she was sorry. She was sorry to leave but she also knew it was the only right thing to do. Her opportunity to achieve something. To do something good. To fulfill her dream. If not now, when?  
„Thank you B’Elanna. I really appreciate that. As you know, people never had much confidence in me. I hope I will be able to follow my dream now.”   
She sighed.   
“Even if that’s just because we’re stranded in the Delta quadrant.”  
They both smiled, then they became serious again.  
“You will always be a good friend to me, B’Elanna, please don’t forget that.”  
B’Elanna nodded and smiled, although it was a sad smile.  
“You too. And whenever you need me – you know where to find me.”  
“Way too often working overtime in engineering,” Irina teased her friend and B’Elanna pursed her lips jokingly. Then, there followed a thoughtful silence. Irina looked back to the flickering warp core in the dark engineering bay, which gave the surroundings an almost magical, romantic touch. She felt as if she was leaving her home to go on an adventurous journey.  
“I am going to put in a good word for you with the Doctor,” B’Elanna broke her thoughts. “I think it is best if you go and see him tomorrow. I don’t think he is going to say no.”  
Irina nodded. Now that it was time to leave she became a little bit wistful.   
“Thank you,” Irina answered with a faltering voice and then went silent to stop her voice from breaking.  
“And now: closing time!“ B’Elanna commanded her jokingly. “Tomorrow you have to be in perfect shape!”  
She laid her hand on Irina’s back and guided her outside the door.   
“Good night, Irina,” she said softly.  
She squeezed Irina’s shoulder briefly and turned away to leave through the dimly lit corridor.  
“Good night, B’Elanna,” Irina whispered into the darkness.


	2. 2

Irina cleared her throat, standing at attention with freshly polished boots and communicator, her hair neatly tied to a bun.   
„Computer! “  
Bee-boop.  
„Activate the Emergency Medical Hologram! “  
The doctor materialized in front of her.  
“Please state the nature of the medical emergen- Oh, Ensign Kozlova!”  
He seemed surprised.   
“Good morning, Doctor.”  
“Your yearly check-up isn’t due until next month. Are you not feeling well? You don’t look like you are experiencing any medical symptoms. ”  
He walked towards her, eyeing her sceptically.   
“To be perfectly honest it is rather a personal matter.”  
“Oh, I see,” the Doctor answered with a more serious tone. “Please follow me to my office.”  
When Irina sat down at his desk she felt her heart racing inside her chest, although she tried to remain calm on the outside.   
“What is bothering you, Miss Kozlova?”  
“I am not sure how to put it... But to cut a long story short: I would like to start working here.”  
“You would- what?” The Doctor looked surprised.  
“I would like to work here. I would like to learn from you” She repeated with resolve.   
There was a moment of silence between them until the Doctor started talking again:  
“I feel honoured that you are holding my abilities in such high regard that you are willing to learn from me but you are an engineer, not a nurse or a doctor. You would need to start from the complete beginning with the basics of physiology, anatomy, biochemistry, genetics-“  
“I am aware of that, Doctor. This does not change my opinion.”  
The Doctor leaned back in his chair and sighed.   
“At least you don’t lack determination.”  
“I know I am not the ideal candidate. But learning medicine has been my dream since childhood.”  
The Doctor still didn’t seem very convinced. Irina knew that he was very proud of himself and his abilities as a doctor. Some people would even call him self-absorbed. If she wanted to persuade him, she had to appeal to his ego.   
“Although I probably lack fundamental knowledge and experience I am very positive that having you as my teacher will enable me to live my dream, no matter the circumstances.”  
He looked at her, suddenly showing a lot more interest.   
“Please elaborate,” he said with an inviting gesture.  
“I think you are a role model for everyone who wants to overcome his own limitations. In the beginning you were just a hologram with no personality, no interests, hardly anything to differentiate you from a random holodeck figure. But today you are not only a valuable member of the crew but also a friend to many of us. I know I am just an engineer but if there is someone who is able to understand my wish for self-improvement and is able to teach me medicine, then it’s you.”  
Again, there was silence. Irina was rather proud of her own little motivational speech. She looked at the Doctor who genuinely seemed touched by her words. He rubbed his chin, lost in thought.   
“Well, I have an idea. Why don’t you do an internship at sickbay? You work here with me for the next four weeks. Afterwards, I will reassess your request. And you will, as well, have time to evaluate your decision.”  
Irina’s face lit up with a bright smile.   
“Thank you, Doctor. This sounds amazing!”   
“But wait!” he said, taking out one of the PADDs from his desk drawer. “I will have to make sure that you got what it takes to become a nurse. That you are willing to do anything to fulfill your dream.”  
He learned over the desk towards her, his face only centimetres away from hers.   
“Are you willing to do anything?” he asked ominously and Irina started to feel a little uncomfortable, not sure what to make out of his unsettling question.   
“Y-yes, I think I am,” she answered timidly.   
He held out the PADD to her.  
“Then read this until tomorrow.”  
It was a copy of comparative alien physiology. She felt the tension in her body release as she understood that “doing anything” meant reading a science book and not some horizontal activity.   
“Yes, Doctor.”  
“Then why are you still sitting here? Don’t you have a book to read?”  
She nodded and hastily got up to leave sickbay. At the door she turned back to the Doctor who was again sitting at his desk, starting at the computer screen.   
“Thank you,” she gasped and left.   
His gazed was fixed to the computer screen but he wasn’t even reading the data displayed on it. He was still thinking about Irina’s words. In the beginning he was certain that he didn’t want a new assistant. Kes had left and she was impossible to replace. But Irina seemed like a nice person who deserved a chance. He just hoped she did well. Losing his assistant was something he didn’t want to go through again.


	3. 3

The following two weeks were very strenuous for Irina. In addition to working 8 hour shifts at sickbay she had to study thousands of pages assigned by the Doctor. But she learned rather quickly and already felt pretty confident with simple medical tasks. Of course she was no match for Kes with her eidetic memory but still the Doctor seemed sufficiently satisfied with her progress.   
When she entered sickbay at the beginning of her third week the Doctor approached her with a triumphant grin.   
“Good morning Miss Kozlova! Today I have a new exercise for you! Please follow me to holodeck two,” he said joyfully and stuck the mobile emitter to his harm.   
Arriving at the holodeck the Doctor started a program and they entered the room. The holodeck was basically empty besides one lonely biobed in the middle with a human male lying on top of it in patient gown.   
“May I introduce you? This...” he smiled and gestured towards the man on the biobed. “...is John Doe.”  
“Well, hello John... I guess,” Irina said awkwardly.   
“Today, we are going to perform an appendectomy on this lucky young man. And you will be my assistant.”  
Irina’s heart filled with joy. Her first surgery! She could barely contain her excitement.   
“Doctor?”  
“Yes?”  
“It is a great honour to assist you!”  
“Very well then... Shall we begin?”

***

The surgery went according to plan and although it was just a holographic patient, Irina let out a sigh of relief as soon as they were done.   
“Irina, please wake him up,” the Doctor invited Irina and she administered a hypospray. John Doe slowly gained consciousness and observed his surroundings.   
“Am I alright? Did- did you succeed?” he asked nervously.   
“Yes, you are a perfectly healthy young man now,” the Doctor stated and smiled. “We have removed your appendix successfully. But it wasn’t entirely my work, it was also due to my new, talented assistant, Miss Kozlova.”  
The young man grabbed her hand and the Doctor’s.  
“Thank you! Thank you so much!” he stammered. The Doctor had apparently programmed him to be a little overly dramatic.   
“You are a very well-behaved patient. We’re looking forward to practicing with you again,” the Doctor said and fear spread on John Doe’s face.   
“Wait- What do you mean? I-“  
“Computer, end program,” the Doctor ordered and the biobed with the man lying on top vanished.  
“Congratulations, Irina! This was your first successful surgery.” He smiled broadly.   
“Thank you so much, Doctor. It was a pleasure. Well, for him probably not so much.” She nodded towards the place where the holographic biobed was standing seconds ago.   
They both laughed.   
“He should be glad he is in such skilled hands,” the Doctor said and they both left the holodeck.   
“As long as there is no medical emergency and as long as I still have holodeck time left we can continue these exercises until the end of your internship. If you wish,” he added as she looked at him in surprise. He had sacrificed his personal holodeck time for her studies, she thought and felt guilty.   
“Thank you so much, Doctor. I would love to continue. But I don’t want you to use up all your holodeck time because of me. I could transfer you some of my holodeck time in return.”  
“Don’t worry,” he answered with a smile, “This is much more fun than playing golf.”  
And with these words he strolled off, back on his way to sickbay. 

***

During the following week, Irina became familiar with a lot of surgical procedures and she noticed how well she worked together with the Doctor. They had become a good team and he seemed to enjoy her company as well. Soon I have to tell him, she thought and a cold sting hit her heart. Hopefully he would understand. On Monday, she would tell him, she promised herself...


	4. 4

When she entered the holodeck on Monday, the deck was completely empty and the Doctor was nowhere to be seen. He had never been late before so she found this to be worrying. Maybe there had been a medical emergency. She looked around, then she pushed her communicator.   
“Kozlova to the Doctor.”  
“Miss Kozlova! Please come to sickbay immediately! We have a medical emergency!”   
A rush of adrenaline shot through her veins. Her first real emergency. If there was one thing she must not do now, it was faint, she thought anxiously.   
“Computer, please transport me to sickbay!” she commanded and seconds later she materialized there.   
Tom Paris was lying on top of one of the biobeds, holding his stomach and screaming in agony. His uniform jacket had been teared open and blood was all over it.   
“Help me! Please!” he panted, his gaze flickering from Irina to the Doctor and back.   
“Irina, I have to prepare for surgery, please clean the wound and stop the bleeding. Now!”   
Irina just stood there, looking at the squirming Tom Paris, frozen and unable to think straight. She felt a surge of panic crashing over her and the corners of her field of view becoming dark and blurry. Please, no... Not now... she thought and then everything faded to black. 

***

When she regained consciousness, she saw the Doctor and Tom Paris leaning over her, looking concerned.   
“Irina, is everything alright?” the Doctor asked. “It seemed as if you were having a seizure.”  
She nodded and then noticed Tom Paris, who looked completely healthy now, even with his blood stained uniform.   
“What about Tom?” she asked and felt panic rising again.   
“Don’t worry,” Tom answered himself and smiled. Then he dipped a finger into the blood on his jacket and licked it. “Mhhh, tomato sauce!”  
Irina sat up on the biobed and stared at Tom and the Doctor.  
“So this was all just a trick? No real emergency?”   
“No real emergency,” the Doctor answered softly. “This should have been the last part of your training. Working under stressful conditions. But maybe I've overdone it.”  
“No, no, that’s not it,” Irina said with a repelling gesture. She gazed towards Tom. “Could you please leave us alone for a second?”  
“Sure,” he nodded and turned to leave. “I need to get changed anyways.”   
“Irina, please tell me what was wrong with you, what caused that seizure of yours?” He sat next to her on the biobed and gently touched her shoulder.  
“There is something I need to tell you, Doc.”   
“What is it?”  
“That seizure. It was caused by a genetic defect. Myotonia congenita. The fainting disease.”  
She gazed at him and saw a variety of emotions flashing across his face, from relief to suspiciousness to anger.  
“And when were you about to tell me?” he barked at her as he jumped up from the biobed. “Your illness puts me in huge trouble! You can’t work at sickbay with your condition!”  
“I wanted to tell you this morning,” she replied. “I swear, I wanted to. But then you weren’t there and-”  
“You betrayed my trust!” He was furious. And she was to blame for it.  
“I am so sorry, really incredibly sorry,” she begged “I know you did so much for me.”  
“I even sacrificed all my holodeck time for you!”  
“Yes, I know. But think for a second. Would you have ever let me work at sickbay if you knew about my condition?”  
“No, of course not! And for a good reason!”  
“I could not tell you. I am sorry. I know that this was wrong. But I would have never gotten a chance in the first place.”  
“So your story about how you failed the entrance exam for the medical academy was all made up, too? It wasn’t because the changed the topic of the exam at the last second, it was because you-”  
“Fainted during the practical exam, yes.”  
He sighed, still steaming with anger but at the same time he seemed very tired and exhausted. He would again lose his assistant. And also a friend. This was apparently a recurring theme in his life.  
“You really wanted to tell me this morning?” he asked, now in a calmer voice. She could sense that he was sad and hurt.  
“Yes, I promise. I wanted to tell you today,” Irina answered while looking at her shoes, not daring to meet his gaze.  
He nodded.  
“I guess I have to believe you.”  
“See, I understand that you’re angry. I really fucked things up and there is no excuse. But I-“  
“When exactly do these seizures occur?”   
Irina looked puzzled.  
“In situations of intense mental stress. Like-“  
“A medical emergency, I get it,” the Doctor finished her sentence. “I wonder if there is a way to treat it that has not been tried before.”  
“Believe me, I’ve tried everything. But every medication I tested caused severe side effects. My muscles weren’t functioning properly anymore. The seizures were gone but I wasn’t even able to hold a spoon. This was not an option.”  
“I don’t mean medication. There is no way of stopping the nervous excitation as soon as it has started. My idea is to prevent it from happening.”  
Irina just stared at him in disbelief. Although she had technically lied to him he was still trying to help her. She wondered if he still thought of her as his assistant or if he had dismissed that idea already. She hoped he would give her another chance.   
The Doctor, however, was already in full science mode.   
“There is a treatment that is used for anxiety disorders, depression or similar illnesses. The reasoning behind it is to control the body’s feedback to external stimuli and prevent unwanted feedback loops. However, as far as I know there is no data about using this treatment for Myotonia, since it is such a rare disease.”  
“You mean biofeedback?”  
“Yes, have you ever tried it?”  
“No, not yet. I never knew it could be used as a treatment for me.”  
“Irina,” he said and turned to her, “I know how eager you are to work at sickbay. If I have your consent I would like to try this treatment with you. If it fails, we will see what else we can do. But I think we should leave no stone unturned.”  
“Yes. Leave no stone unturned,” she repeated and looked away from him, her eyes glistening with tears.


	5. 5

In the evening, when sickbay was completely empty and no patients were scheduled, the Doctor sat alone in his office trying to write his weekly report. But whenever he wanted to start typing his thoughts wandered off to Irina. He still asked himself if this was all a huge mistake. If he really should put so much hope in a person that had already lied to him when they had barely known each other.   
He looked around in his office and in the empty area that was sickbay. It was very lonely. No, he was lonely. Yes, there was Tom Paris who helped him from time to time but they hardly worked together at all. Most of the time each of them took their own shifts alone while the other one was gone to enjoy his free time. With Irina there way so much more life in sickbay and also so much more fun. Although she was a completely different character he somehow felt reminded of Kes. Kes… If she had been here she could have told him what to do. Well, he was pretty sure how she would have decided. She would have given Irina a chance. And so should he. He would not allow the story to repeat.

***

The next morning Irina reported to sickbay to start her new treatment immediately.   
“I have been working on it the whole night but I think we can start,” the Doctor announced with pride. “Please sit here.”  
She sat on the biobed and the Doctor equipped her with all different kinds of sensors and medical devices.  
“This is a synaptic stimulator.” He showed her a small, round metallic object. “If I put this on your neck it will enable me to project different mental images into your consciousness.”  
Irina looked at him sceptically.  
“Don’t worry, I will not overdo it as I did in sickbay. We will start slowly, with everyday situations, so that I can monitor your physical reactions under normal conditions.”  
She nodded.   
“Afterwards, I will put you under slight psychological stress. I’ve programmed the synaptic stimulator so that it gives you an auditory feedback of your physiological stress level. The higher the tone, the higher your level of synaptic excitations. Try to keep the stress as low as possible. Are you ready?”  
“Yes, Doc. Please begin.”  
She closed her eyes and found herself in the casino where she was eating lunch with B’Elanna. They were talking about some issues with the warp core. In the background she heard a calming, low pitched humming. This must be the stress indicator.   
The next scene was in her quarters. She was playing Kadis Kot with Naomi Wildman.   
“Irina?”  
She opened her eyes and was back in sickbay.   
“Is everything alright?”  
“Yes, I’m feeling fine.”  
“I’ve monitored your physiological parameters. Now let’s apply a little bit of tension to your neurons.”  
She closed her eyes again and found herself sitting in the Delta Flyer flying through a field of asteroids. She managed to avoid most of them but some came dangerously close to the ship. The stress indicator changed to a more high pitched tone. She had to do something about that. With all her will she focussed on breathing slowly and deeply while keeping control of the flyer. The stress level fell slightly. As soon as she had passed the asteroid field it turned back to normal again.  
“Irina, that was very good already!” the Doctor encouraged her and looked pleased. “How are you feeling?”  
“Still good. Give me all you’ve got.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes, I need to know how it feels when I fail.”  
“Well, ok then. Take care.”  
Irina closed her eyes and she was at sickbay. The Doctor was nowhere to be seen and Tom Paris was lying on the biobed, bleeding heavily. This time it was no trick. He was severely wounded. She had to do something. Now. Her heart started racing and the stress indicator had turned into a sharp beeping noise. The familiar blurring at the edges of her field of view occurred. In a second or two she would faint…  
Suddenly she was back at sickbay again, panting heavily.   
“I’ve had to stop the simulation to prevent a seizure,” the Doctor explained. “It was at the last second.”  
Irina tried to catch her breath.  
“Thanks, Doc. Now I know what I have to look out for.”  
“Do you need a break?”  
“No, I will continue,” she said with determination. “Let’s do this.”


	6. 6

Two weeks later she was getting better and better at controlling her physical reactions. Mild stress was not an issue anymore and even the infamous ‘bleeding Tom Paris’ scene she had been able to master. The Doctor was very proud of her and she felt a slight hope blossom. The treatment seemed to be effective. If progress continued in that manner she would soon be able to work at sickbay again, at least helping with simple tasks. Better than nothing, she thought.  
Suddenly, her communicator went off.  
“Doctor to Ensign Kozlova. We’ve got a medical emergency.”  
“Computer, please beam me to sickbay,” she commanded and seconds later she materialized at sickbay. There was a young girl lying on one of the biobeds. Her skin was of a pale yellow and head and arms were covered with soft brown fur. She looked very young, almost like a child.  
“Who is this? What’s wrong with her?” she asked the Doctor who was just scanning the patient with a medical tricorder.  
“We’ve received an emergency signal from a small ship. This young woman was aboard, but she was barely alive. Commander Tuvok said the scans indicated an electrical discharge from one of her ships consoles. I guess this was what knocked her out. Please hand me the cardiostimulator.”  
Irina did what the Doctor asked for and they both watched her vital signs on the monitor.  
“I think she made it,” the Doctor stated and looked relieved. “She will soon regain consciousness. We should try not to scare her.”  
Irina nodded.  
After a few minutes the little girl opened her eyes and looked at Irina and the Doctor anxiously.  
“Who are you? Where am I?” she asked with a high-pitched shaky voice.  
“You are on the starship Voyager. We received your emergency transmission and saved you from your little ship. You received an electrical shock from one of the consoles.”  
She slapped herself in the face.  
“Too dumb to fly a fucking spaceship,” she murmured.  
“Hey, stop that!” the Doctor intervened and grabbed her hand. “We were just tending to your injuries, please don’t create new ones.”  
The little girl looked up at him with a very weird, incomprehensible expression. Then she smiled seductively and put her little, furry hand on the Doctor’s chest, slowly trailing downwards.  
“Tending, huh?”  
The Doctor took her hand and demonstratively removed it from his uniform jacket and put it on the biobed. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? I am your doctor!”  
The girl suddenly jumped up from the biobed and hid in the corner of the room, burying her face in her arms. Irina and the Doctor heard her sobbing.  
“He doesn’t want me. Why does he not want me? Am I not good enough for him? I will be punished if I am not good enough.”  
The Doctor looked at Irina.  
“I think we should inform the Captain.”

***

While they told Captain Janeway what they just witnessed the girl still crouched in the corner of sickbay, crying inconsolably.   
“Something horrible must have happened to her,” the Captain stated, looking at the girl with pity. “We better keep her here until we obtain more information.”  
“Commander Chakotay to the Captain,” could be heard from her communicator.  
“I am listening.”  
“You should come back to the bridge. We are having visitors.”

***

When captain Janeway called all leading officers and Irina to the meeting room, they already knew that this meant trouble.   
“Please take a seat,” Captain Janeway commanded. “We have been contacted by a ship of the Qu’lar. Apparently the same species as our little guest in sickbay. Their religious leaders demand immediate transfer of her to their ship. Her name is Leska, by the way. Maybe this information will help us communicate with her. I’ve thought up the excuse that she needs more medical treatment before a transport is possible but the Qu’lar seem to have very little patience. They are pressuring us to hand her over immediately. Doctor, Ensign Kozlova, what’s the status?”  
“She is still not willing or able to talk to me,” the Doctor answered. “She won’t even let me near her. And this after she… tried to seduce me.”  
“She tried to seduce you?” Janeway stared in disbelief.  
“Yes.” The Doctor seemed sincere.  
“This is true, I saw it happen,” Irina added as a confirmation.  
“Something really fishy is going on here,” Captain Janeway began. “And I have a gut feeling the religious leaders might have something to do with it. Please continue our efforts to communicate with Leska. And try to obtain as much medical data as possible. Maybe we are able to find out what has happened to her. If anyone of you has another brilliant idea, please let me know.”


	7. 7

The Doctor and Irina returned to sickbay where the little girl was still hiding and unwilling to talk to them. Irina had an idea.  
“She started to panic when you were trying to examine her, right?”  
“Yes, although I hardly touched her,” the Doctor answered and seemed to feel a little guilty.  
“I know. May I try to talk to her for once?”  
“Sure, why not. Go ahead.”  
Irina slowly walked towards Leska but she did not show any reaction. Carefully Irina touched her shoulder.  
“Leska,” she said softly. “We are not here to hurt you, we are here to help you. Are you willing to talk to us?”  
Leska looked up, her eyes still reddened and swollen from crying but her expression suddenly calm and unperturbed.  
“You should leave me alone, I am fine”  
“You’ve been crying, you don’t seem to be fine”  
Leska got up and pushed Irina away forcefully.  
“I. said. I. am. fine,” she repeated coldly. “Leave me alone”  
“Your religious leaders have contacted us. They want us to transfer you back to their ship. They say you belong to them, is that correct?”  
“Yes, they are my family and I miss them. Please bring me back as soon as possible.”  
“You still have injuries that we need to treat. But I promise you, you will go home as soon as you’re healthy again.”  
The little girl eyed her suspiciously but eventually nodded.  
“I understand.”

***

“This is a problem,” Captain Janeway said as Irina and the Doctor were talking to her in her ready room. “We cannot keep her here against her own will. If she wants to leave, we are not allowed to stop her.”  
“But there is something terribly wrong!” Irina said indignantly. “She is clearly suffering from a severe psychological trauma. We cannot give her back to these people. Maybe they were the ones who caused it in the first place.”  
“I will think of an excuse to delay her transport. But I can’t keep them waiting for much longer,” the Doctor added, turning to Captain Janeway.   
“They are pressuring us and threatening to contact the Qu’lar authority. I can probably give you another one or two days until they lose patience. Please make the best out of it.”

***

Irina and the Doctor walked back into sickbay when Irina had a very brave but risky idea.   
“Doc?”  
“Yes?”  
“If I have your permission I would like to try something out to get more information on Leska’s condition. It’s just an idea and it will most likely cause her psychological stress but I think it’s worth trying.”  
“It seems we don’t have many other options at the moment.”  
“I would like to show her a picture of their religious leaders and see how she reacts.”  
“But keep in mind that this might re-traumatize her.”  
“Well, if we instead send her back to these people a re-traumatization by a picture of them will be her least problem.”  
“You do have a point there. Try it.”   
Irina went to one of the consoles and took a capture from the screen conversation Captain Janeway had with the Qu’lar earlier that day. She projected it in front of the girl sitting on the biobed, dangling her feet in boredom.   
Immediately Leska jumped up and ran away, hiding in the back of the room again.   
“Please, no! No!” she cried in sheer panic.   
Irina turned off the image. Apparently she was on to something.   
“Doctor, I have the theory that she might suffer from dissociative identity disorder.”  
“You mean she just changed personality states when we showed her the picture?”  
“Yes, that’s what I assume. I have no idea what this child has been through but it must have been horrifying if it was enough to shatter her personality into pieces. “  
The Doctor nodded concernedly.   
“Still, we need to find a way to talk to her. If she is in a different personality state now she might at least not want to go back to her parents. That would give us more time according to Starfleet regulations regarding asylum.”  
“I will try. I have another idea that might come in handy. Please give me a few minutes.”  
The Doctor looked at her with curiosity as she started typing on one of the consoles. About 10 minutes later a small, holographic puppy appeared next to her.   
“You programmed that little guy here in just 10 minutes?” The Doctor was astonished.   
“Well, although I work in sickbay at the moment I still have the knowledge of an engineer. I learned from the best, remember?”  
The little dog was wagging his tail in excitement. Irina grabbed him and put him on the floor next to the sad young woman. The puppy snooped around and slowly approached Leska.   
In the beginning she showed no reaction but when the dog’s nose touched her bare arm she shyly lifted her head and peered through the gap between her arms, which she still held protectively in front of her face.   
It was just a shy, quick look at first but the longer the dog was snooping around her the longer her gaze rested on him.   
After a while she slowly lifted her arm and touched the dog’s head. The little puppy yapped with Joy over the sudden attention she gave him. Leska flinched because of the unknown, loud noise but as the puppy looked up to her with his big dark eyes a hint of a smile flashed over her face for a fraction of a second.   
Irina slowly approached her while she was now Petting the dog and scratching his ears. The Doctor watched them both from the other side of the room, eagerly taking notes on a PADD.   
“Hey. What’s your name?” Irina asked softly.   
“Kyra,” the little girl answered.   
“Kyra. I see. How are you feeling?”  
“Not so good.” She pointed towards her lower abdomen. “My tummy hurts.”  
“I am sure we can help you. I am a nurse.” She looked back at the Doctor and he nodded. “But we have to scan you first.”  
“Scan me?”  
“Yes, we need to know what exactly is wrong with your tummy. You would have to lie on this bed for a short while. But I promise you it won’t hurt.”  
Leska, or Kyra, how her current personality was called, seemed unsure of what to believe. She looked from Irina to Doctor to the biobed and back again.   
“You should be scanned first,” she ordered and pointed at the Doctor.   
He looked up from his PADD and slowly walked towards the biobed. He laid on top of it slowly, careful not to scare Kyra with any abrupt motion.   
“Computer, begin scan of lower abdomen”   
A metallic ring emerged from the biobed and enclosed the Doctor.   
Kyra pushed herself as close to the wall as possible, afraid of the unknown noises and machinery she had never seen before.   
When the scan was done the screen showed nothing, which was not very surprising since the Doctor was a hologram. But all that Kyra cared about was that the Doctor was still alive and apparently not in any kind of pain.   
“Ok, I will do it,” she said boldly.   
Irina helped her on the biobed, while Kyra still held the little puppy in her hands. Luckily he would not disturb the scan because of his holographic nature.   
“Computer, start scan of lower abdomen,” Irina commanded again and the ring enclosed Kyra. She had her fists clenched and her eyes squinted in anticipation but after a short while the computer beeped and the scan was done. She slid off the biobed and again sat on the floor, playing with the dog.   
“Irina, you should see this,” the Doctor said with a stern face and Irina joined him at the console.   
“All of her reproductive organs have been removed,” he continued, pointing towards the pictures of the scan results. “And this was most certainly an amateur’s work. These peritoneal adhesions were caused by a poorly conducted surgery. They are the reason for the pain she is experiencing.”  
“Oh God,” Irina whispered and although she was relieved she finally found a proof for her suspicion she desperately wished it weren’t true.   
“Can you treat her?”  
“Yes, I can heal the physical wounds. But the mental trauma cannot be cured by surgery.”  
They both fell silent for a moment.   
“I suppose this was done to prevent unwanted pregnancy?” the Doctor asked, more a statement than a question.   
“Yes. I think so. I’ve heard of such cases from earth, too. The children were sold by their parents to religious fanatics that then turned the children into involuntary sex workers. That was how they financed their religious cult.”  
“This almost sounds too cruel to believe.”  
“I know, but it has happened. The cultists tortured and abused the children so badly, that their personalities dissociated. This rendered the children useless as witnesses in possible future investigations. Because whenever they were questioned by the police one of the perpetrator introjects came to the surface and told the police that they were fine and they had caused those injuries themselves or they had never experienced any violence or whatever.”  
“Leska,” the Doctor whispered with a sudden realization.   
“Yes. It seems she is one of the perpetrator introjects.”  
“We have to prevent her from gaining control again. We need Kyra to help us.”  
“I agree. Do you have any idea what we can do?” Irina asked.   
The Doctor rubbed his forehead, pondering.   
“I think with the right medication it is possible to keep her neurotransmitter levels stable. This cannot prevent another switch but it should at least impede the other personalities trying to take over.”  
“Ok, you try to replicate the drug. I will talk to her about the upcoming surgery. But first, Captain Janeway needs to know about all of this.”


	8. 8

The Captain was shocked when she learned about their new findings. Irina could see tears glistening in her eyes while she looked at the young woman that had been so horribly mutilated.   
“There is only one thing we can do now,” the Captain began with a hoarse voice. “We have to contact the Qu’lar authorities. Better we do it before those so called religious leaders do it. This might give us the slight advantage that we need. If you’re positive it will help her, proceed with the surgery. But don’t drug her against her will if not urgently necessary.”   
“Understood,” the Doctor answered and Janeway stormed off towards the bridge. 

***

“Kyra?” Irina asked quietly.   
The girl looked up to her, the puppy sitting in her lap.   
“We’ve found a way to heal your tummy. It is a quick procedure and you will feel no pain.”  
Kyra returned her gaze but didn’t respond.   
“The problem is,” Irina continued, “that you will need medication during the treatment itself. We need your agreement that we are allowed to give you an injection. This will make you sleep for a few minutes while we take care of your tummy ache. But I promise you, we will not hurt you in any way.”  
Kyra was lost in thought for a second, then she pointed towards the Doctor.   
“Him first!”  
“I am afraid this is not-“   
“Then you first!”   
Irina sighed and nodded. Then she turned to the Doctor.   
“I guess you’ll have to sedate me first.”

***

After Kyra had seen Irina magically fall asleep and wake up again unharmed, she agreed to the procedure. The surgery was successful and the scar tissue could be removed without any complications.   
“I guess you should wake her up,” the Doctor told Irina and handed her a hypospray.   
Irina applied the hypospray and the girl slowly opened her eyes.   
“Is my tummy alright?” she asked, still dizzy from the sedative.   
“Yes, you shouldn’t suffer any more pain,” Irina answered and just wished this would also apply for the psychological pain.   
Kyra slowly sat up in the biobed and looked around.  
“Can I stay here with you?” she suddenly asked.   
Irina and the Doctor exchanged nervous looks.   
“That’s something I have to talk to you about,” Irina began, “The two people that I’ve shown you... They claim they are your parents and they want you back.”  
Kyra stared at her in mortal fear.   
“No, please don’t. Please don’t,” she whimpered and tears started to fill her eyes.   
All of the sudden her hands grabbed her head forcefully and she began screaming in agony.   
“Leska, Leska, no! Let me talk! Please, no!”  
Irina nodded towards the Doctor and he gave Kyra the drug he replicated earlier. They wished not to use it but in this moment they had no choice.   
Kyra’s eyes closed for a second but then she regained consciousness again.   
“Kyra, is that you?” Irina asked.   
“Y-yes. Where is Leska?”   
“I think we have... locked her out for a moment. But she could be back anytime.”  
“Thank you. She hates me so much. If it was for her I think I had been erased a long time ago.”   
“I know that this is hard for you but you need to stay in control for a little longer. The medication we gave you should help with that. Our Captain has contacted the Qu’lar authorities. We will tell them your story. However, you will have to make a statement, too. If you cannot do that the authority won’t be able to help you.”  
“Yes, I understand.”  
“Captain to sickbay,” Captain Janeway’s voice was heard from their communicators.  
“Yes, we’re listening,” the Doctor answered.  
“We have established a connection to the Qu’lar authorities. Please come to the bridge to talk to them.”  
Irina and the Doctor went to leave, but when they were at the door the Doctor stopped her.  
“Irina, I think you should talk to them.”  
“Me?”  
“Yes, it was due to you that Kyra opened up to us. I think you have a good connection to her. And although I hate to admit it, it seems you know more about these religious cults and their practices than I do.”  
“But what if I-“  
“You won’t faint. You’ve gone through a lot of training, remember?”  
Irina nodded but she still was very insecure. She was not sure what to expect from the authorities.


	9. 9

“This is chancellor Carag,” Captain Janeway introduced the man on the video screen. “He is the secular leader of the Qu’lar people.”  
A man with greyish-white fur, a brown robe and the same yellow skin as Kyra smiled into the camera.  
“It is a pleasure to meet you. You told us you have something very important to talk about. Please go ahead.”  
Irina cleared her throat, her heart beating rapidly in her chest, then she started talking.  
“Yesterday we received an emergency signal from one of your ships.”  
The chancellor looked surprised. “From one of our ships?”  
“Yes. It was heavily damaged and headed away from your home planet. Aboard was a young woman with severe injuries. We beamed her to our sickbay and were able to save her life.”  
“Thank you very much for your generous help,” the chancellor said and smile. “But it seems there is something bothering you?”  
“The problem is that she seems to have suffered from some severe psychological trauma. Shortly after she came on board of the Voyager your spiritual leaders contacted us and demanded us to hand her over immediately. We could deny their request by a few days but they were pressuring us harder about contacting you if we would not comply.”  
“So you decided to contact us first?”  
“Basically, yes.”  
“You said something about a psychological trauma. What exactly do you mean?”  
“It seems she has suffered abuse, torture and most likely also rape.”  
The chancellor stared at the screen furiously.  
“And you are trying to tell us that our people did that to her?”  
“Not you. But your religious leaders.”  
“This is blasphemy! How do you even dare to assume something like that?”  
Irina felt the corners of her sight blurring. She thought back to her training with the Doctor. Slowly, she breathed in and out. For the surrounding people it must have seemed as if she was trying to keep her emotions in check. Gradually the blurring of her vision decreased and she could continue to speak.  
“We’ve got proof. When the girl was confronted with a picture of your spiritual leaders she showed sign of re-traumatization. It even went as far as her personality starting to dissociate.”  
“What do you mean by that?”  
In the meantime the chancellor had gotten up from his chair in anger.  
“She has multiple personalities living inside her body. We assume that this was intentional. A strategy that is commonly used by religious cultists to render their victims useless as witnesses. We managed to stabilize her for now but-”  
“You drugged her? And now you expect me to believe what she says under the influence of medication?”  
“We did not drug her,” Irina said as calmly as possible. “We tried to stabilize her neurotransmitter levels to keep her from changing personality states.”  
The chancellor was still upset but at least he seemed to have understood Irina’s point.  
“I still cannot believe what you are telling me. Do you have any other proof of what has been done to her?”  
“Actually, we have. But you should see it yourself. Captain, do we have your approval to transport the chancellor to the Voyager?”  
Captain Janeway nodded.  
“I agree,” the chancellor added, “I will prepare for transport.”

***

20 minutes later, Irina, the Doctor and Captain Janeway met chancellor Carag in the transporter room. He was accompanied by two other men, apparently police officers.  
“Welcome aboard, chancellor,” Captain Janeway greeted him and although the meeting of a new species usually was a very joyful and festive event, this time the situation was overshadowed by the accusations the Voyager crew held against the Qu’lar’s spiritual leaders.  
The chancellor nodded and came straight to the point.  
“You have other proofs to show me?”  
“Yes,” Irina answered. “Please follow us to sickbay.”

***

“As these scans show, her reproductive organs were removed in an amateurish surgery. Luckily our Doctor was able to reverse the damages this quack had caused years ago,” Irina explained. “We assume that this procedure was done during her childhood to prevent unwanted pregnancies caused by-“  
“This proves nothing,” the chancellor dismissed her argument. “It proves, that she had such a surgery, yes. And that it had been conducted by a non-skilled person. But this is no proof for rape or abuse. Please understand that our legal system is not based on assumptions.”  
“I understand. In this case I will have to introduce you to our patient, Kyra. At least that is what her current personality state is called. However, her tormentors inflicted such grave psychological stress on her that a part of her personality became a representation of the people who tortured her. This is a known strategy the brain has developed to survive immense mental trauma.”  
Irina led them towards the end of the room where Kyra was sitting on the floor, her hands nervously stroking the little puppy’s fur.  
“Kyra, can you tell the chancellor something about why you don’t want to go back to your parents?”  
The girl remained silent for a few moments but then she hesitantly began to talk.  
“Our parents are bad people. We have to obey their orders. We have to do things we don’t want to. There are men. Many men. But also women. They come and take one of us. And then they hurt us.”  
“She is clearly under the influence of drugs you gave her,” the chancellor objected. “Give her an antidote. When she is sober, I will listen to her.”  
“But chancellor, this might cause her to change personality states again. We don’t yet know what will happen when one of her other personalities gains control again.”  
“Do it!” the chancellor commanded.  
Irina took a hypospray the Doctor handed her and approached Kyra carefully.  
“I’ve heard what he said,” she told Irina calmly. “I know that if Leska is in control again she might erase me once and for all. But down there on this planet there are so many children suffering. If it takes my life to help them, then I am very willing to give it.”  
Irina gazed towards Captain Janeway and she nodded, visibly moved by the girl’s selfless words.  
“Kyra… I hope we will see each other again.”  
Kyra smiled and closed her eyes as Irina injected the hypospray.  
Seconds later she started screaming and hitting Irina who immediately fled out of her reach. The Doctor activated a force field around Kyra’s − or now Leska’s − biobed. She continued punching against the force field, first with her fists then with her head.  
“You thought that you could get rid of me so easily?” she panted “That just by giving me drugs I would go away? Has Kyra told you that? But not on my watch. I have erased her from this body. She will never come back. Now please, chancellor, bring me back to my parents, where I belong.”  
The chancellor stared at her, his mouth gaping open and he finally seemed to understand that something horrible was going on.  
“Bring me back or I will kill this body!” Leska screamed and kept hitting her head against the force field.  
“Can’t you sedate her or something?” the chancellor asked nervously.  
“Yes, we can do that,” Irina answered and gave him a despising look. “But this won’t get us Kyra back.”  
She felt her eyes fill with tears so she turned away to hide them. Through her blurry vision she saw the Doctor taking a hypospray and stepping through the force field. Seconds later, Leska collapsed on the floor, a bleeding wound on her forehead.


	10. 10

Chancellor Carag, Irina and the leading officers of Voyager sat in the conference room and discussed how to proceed with Kyra who had now been completely taken over by Leska.  
“I am very sorry that this had to happen,” the chancellor admitted, filled with consternation.  
“Now that we’ve lost Kyra,” Captain Janeway began. “Is there at least a possibility to save the other children that are held captive by the cult?”  
“I am afraid not,” the chancellor answered and the room filled with a perplexed silence.  
“Why not?”  
“Our legal system needs someone to make a statement about what happened. If this is not given, our executive cannot take action.”  
“So you mean Kyra died for nothing? How can you live with this knowledge?”  
The chancellor shook his head. “As I said, I am deeply sorry. But this is our law and it’s not up to me to change it.”  
“I have an idea,” lieutenant Tuvok broke the following silence.  
“Oh no, please don’t tell me…” the Doctor sighed.   
“Yes, a Vulcan mind meld.”   
“What is this?” the chancellor asked.  
“It is an ancient Vulcan technique that allows a telepathic connection between two individuals. It enables us Vulcans to share consciousness with another individual. During this process, memories, thoughts and feelings are shared. It would allow me to have an insight into Kyra’s memory. Later, I can use another mind meld to share these experiences with you or your investigators.”  
“But this is dangerous!” the Doctor objected “It is already a risk for a healthy individual but Kyra’s personality has been shattered to pieces. We cannot know what results a mind meld will have in this case!”  
“Tuvok, are you sure you are willing to take that risk?” Captain Janeway asked and Tuvok nodded.   
“Yes, but what about Kyra?” the Doctor added “What will happen to her personality – or rather personalities − during the mind meld?”  
Irina exhaled slowly. “Doctor. If she has been erased by Leska there is not much left that could be damaged. But if Kyra is still somewhere in there, maybe Tuvok can help her.”  
The Doctor shook his head. “I still don’t consider this to be a good idea. But if we have no choice...”

***

Leska was still unconscious when they entered sickbay. The Doctor applied a cortical monitor to her neck to control her brain functions during the mind meld.   
“What is wrong with her?” Captain Janeway asked. “Why has she not regained consciousness yet?”  
“Well, apparently she is sleeping,” the Doctor answered. “The last days have taken their toll on her body.”  
Captain Janeway turned to Tuvok.   
“Is a mind meld still possible in this state?”   
“I think it is,” Tuvok responded. “It has been done before.”  
“Tuvok,” Irina began mournfully. “If you find any sign of Kyra in there. Please try to help her.”  
Tuvok nodded, then he began the mind meld. 

***

When Tuvok released his grip on Leska’s head he was sweating profusely and his hand was shaking. Nobody of them could even remotely imagine the horrors he had just seen. Leska, however, was still unconscious   
“Tuvok, are you alright?” the Doctor asked frantically, scanning him with a medical tricorder.   
“Yes. I am alright,” he answered with a shaky voice.   
“And... have you found any sign of Kyra?” Irina asked.   
“No,” he answered in a low voice. “I am sorry.”  
Irina sighed and observed the girl lying on the biobed. She was sleeping so peacefully. Nothing on her outside indicated the pain that she had gone through. Irina felt her eyes watering. Kyra was gone. She was lost forever.  
Tuvok turned to the chancellor.   
“Whenever you’re ready we can initiate our mind meld. However, I feel obliged to inform you that these experiences might have a huge impact on your psychological health, since you are not familiar with the Vulcan methods of controlling emotions.”  
“I am willing to take that risk,” the chancellor said, “If this is how we can save thousands of children, so be it.”

***

After his mind meld with Tuvok the chancellor was frozen in place his face distorted with an expression of extreme horror. Tuvok let go of him and stepped back.   
“Chancellor?” he addressed him, “Are you alright?”  
“Yes. I mean… No,” he stammered. “How could we let these things happen on our planet? How have we not noticed what horrors had been inflicted to our children in the name of religion? How?”  
He sat on the biobed, his hands shaking violently. His yellow skin had turned an ashen white.   
“Chancellor, you will have to go back to your ship now,” Captain Janeway said and placed her hand on his back. “Your people need you now more than ever”  
The chancellor nodded.   
Suddenly, Ensign Kim’s voice was heard from Janeway’s communicator.   
“Bridge to the Captain. There is someone wanting to see you. It’s the Qu’lar spiritual leaders.”


	11. 11

“This is leader Reyan speaking. We’ve shown enough patience with you and your amateur of a doctor,” a black-furred Qu’lar man in a Red Robe barked into the camera. “If you weren’t able to get Leska ready for transport by now i will have to assume you are trying to stall us for some reason. We demand her transport. Now. Or we will have to inform the authorities.”  
“I think this is not necessary anymore,” the Chancellor said and stepped next to Captain Janeway. “We have been informed already. And we know everything. We know, what you did to those children.”  
They could see a range of emotions flashing across Reyan’s face, one of them was sheer panic.   
“So what?” he spat out. “You know what implications it will have if you dare to challenge us? It might lead to another civil war. Is that really what you want?”  
“If this is what it takes to get rid of the cancerous growth of your cult that has infiltrated our government, our schools, our companies then this is a price I am prepared to pay,” the chancellor answered calmly, holding the other man’s gaze.   
“I will make you regret that,” Reyan threatened, punching his fist on the console next to him and thereby ending the Comm signal.   
“Captain, they’re charging their weapons!” Ensign Kim warned.   
“Tuvok, shields up!” Captain Janeway commanded but at the same time the ship started shaking.   
“Too late!” Ensign Kim shouted. “We’ve taken a direct hit to our transporters. They’re offline.”  
Captain Janeway turned to the chancellor  
“Well chancellor, it seems you are stuck with us for the moment.”  
“Their ship has a weakness,” Carag said hurriedly. “Their torpedoes cannot fire directly downwards. If we can hide there they shouldn’t be able to hit us.”  
“Ensign Paris, their ship is slow, outmanoeuvre them and bring us to where the chancellor said.”  
“Aye Captain!”  
The Voyager took another hit and the bridge shook again.   
“They are aiming for our warp drive,” Ensign Kim said nervously.   
“Shields are holding at 68 percent. But we will not withstand more than one or two additional hits. Ensign Paris, you had better hurry up.”  
“Understood.”  
Tom managed to fly the Voyager beneath the Qu’lar ship where they were safe from their direct hits.   
“Tuvok, fire a photon torpedo towards their weapon systems.”  
“But Captain, we are very close to the explosion. We might suffer hull damage.”  
“I guess we have to take the risk,” the Captain answered determinedly. “Or we can wait for their shuttles to board us. Ensign Kim, redirect all energy from the propulsion systems to our shields! Commander Tuvok: Fire!”  
Tuvok pushed a button and seconds later the heavy blast of the photon torpedo hit the Voyager, sending all Crew members on the bridge to the floor.   
“Damage report!” Captain Janeway demanded while getting up on her feet again.   
“We've made it,” Tuvok answered and the whole bridge crew sighed with relief. “Only punctual damages to the hull and a few minor injuries. The enemy ship’s weapon systems are offline. They are retreating.”  
“Captain to Engineering”   
“Engineering here,” B’Elanna answered through the communicator. “Please send a repair team to get our transporters up and running again as soon as possible.”  
“Aye, Captain.”  
“And you two,” Captain Janeway turned to Irina and the Doctor, “take care of the injured crewmen. And prepare Kyra, or what is left of her, for the transport to the Qu’lar authorities.”  
Irina nodded, a leaden sadness lying on her shoulders. Kyra or what is left of her, she repeated Captain Janeway’s words in her head. 

***

When they arrived at sickbay the young woman was still sleeping.   
“Doctor, do you think there is a way to get Kyra back some day?”  
“I don’t know. That’s beyond my knowledge. I am so sorry, Irina.”  
He squeezed her shoulder comfortingly and went to remove the cortical stimulator from Kyra’s neck.   
“Wait a minute,” Irina intervened, “please let us try one last thing.”

***

Irina put the holographic puppy next to Kyra on the biobed. The puppy wagged his tail joyfully and started licking her hand. Slowly she opened her eyes.   
“Where am I? Who are you?” she asked with a deeper voice than before.   
“You’re on the starship Voyager. I am Irina and this is our ship’s doctor.”  
Kyra, or whoever she now was nodded in appreciation and scanned her surroundings.   
“A starship, huh? Looks neat. How did I get here? Ah, by the way I forgot to introduce myself. I am K’tah.”  
“Hello K’tah,” Irina answered. “You’re a boy, aren’t you?”  
“Yes, can’t you see that?”   
K’tah lifted up the puppy from the biobed.   
“And who is this little fella?”   
Irina gave the Doctor a questioning glance but he just shrugged.   
“Oh, I think we haven’t given him a name yet,” Irina explained.   
“Does he belong to me?”   
“To be perfectly honest we don’t know yet. We have to ask your... your...”  
“My parents? Oh, I remember. I haven’t seen them in a long while. I hope they rot in hell,” he said casually while playing with the puppy.   
“You don’t like them?”  
“No, I hate them. They have tortured my sisters and me.”  
He sighed.   
“I needed to protect them but I couldn’t. Leska was sabotaging me.”  
“Wait, you’re aware that you are... many?”  
“Sure. It’s me, my three sisters and my little brother.”  
“Is Kyra one of them?”  
“Yes, of course. But she seems to be sleeping at the moment.”  
“Is she alright?”   
“I... I think so. Why are you asking?”  
“Because Leska said she-“  
“Oh, Leska...” K’tah sighed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t believe every word she says. She is a bit... difficult.”  
“So Kyra was not... erased?”   
“No. This is not possible. Believe me, every one of us tried that at some point in time. We’re inseparable.”  
Irina felt her heart skip a beat. Kyra was alive and still hidden somewhere in that body.   
“K’tah...“ she began.  
“Yes?”   
“We have a very serious topic to discuss with you. May we sit with you for a while?” 

***

“So you're telling me that I am the one to save all of my other brothers and sisters?” K’tah’s eyes widened with excitement.   
“Yes, your statement together with the chancellor’s power should be able to give the cult their deserved punishment,” Irina explained. “But I am afraid that you’ll have to describe all the horrible things that have been done to you.”  
“No worries. I can do that.” The young man shrugged. “I will do anything that’s necessary.”  
His gaze travelled from Irina to the Doctor.   
“You did this, right?” he pointed towards his abdomen. “You removed all of that... stuff that caused us pain, right?”  
“Yes, I’ve performed a surgery and removed most of the scar tissue.”  
“Thanks, man!” K’tah lifted his open hand and showed it to the Doctor. The Doctor gave him a confused look.   
“You have to touch my hand with your fist. It means were friends!”  
The Doctor smiled and did as he was told. Irina lifted her hand to do the same thing but K’tah stopped her.   
“Oh, no, not you.” He smirked “I’m sorry but that’s for men only.”  
Irina nodded.   
“So now let’s go and see the chancellor!” K’tah said eagerly and jumped up from the biobed. “Let’s get that rescue mission started!”

***

The chancellor was visibly surprised when he saw Kyra not only walking upright but also smiling brightly when she entered the transporter room. In one hand she held one of the holo-emitters from Voyager. By this they would be able to recreate the little holographic puppy when they arrived back on their planet.   
“Kyra, is that you?”   
“No, Kyra is my sister. I am K’tah. I am here to help you rescue the other children.”  
“Oh... I am Chancellor Carag. Nice to meet you.”  
“Nice to meet you, too,” K’tah replied and held his hand up to the same gesture he made earlier.   
The chancellor was perplexed for a moment but then he put his fist to the young boy’s hand and smiled.   
“Should we start?”  
The boy nodded.   
“Energize!” Captain Janeway commanded and K’tah, the Chancellor and both of his security officers vanished in a flash of blue light.


	12. 12

After the troublesome events of the last days, calm and peace had returned to starship Voyager. They had left the Qu’lar territory and Set course for the alpha quadrant again. Although Irina still thought about how K’tah, Kyra and the others and wondered how they were faring, her and the Doctor enjoyed the day off Captain Janeway had given them. 

***

A plopping sound could be heard when the golf ball hit the lake and vanished below the water surface.   
“God dammit!” Irina cursed.   
“Ha! I guess that’s it for you then,” the Doctor commented with a smug grin.   
Irina pouted.   
He raised his hand to shield his eyes from the sunlight, then he aimed for the hole. In one swift motion he sent the ball flying directly into it.   
“And another win for me!” he stated triumphantly. “How unexpected!”  
“It’s because you’re cheating.”  
“I am what? You could see me playing the whole time! Everything was-“  
“That’s not what I meant. You just downloaded a golfing subroutine into your program and voila – you’re a pro golfer. I’d call that cheating.”  
“Well, that’s just the way I learn. I don’t expect you to download some knowledge into your matrix and know everything just by the next day.”  
Irina sighed. He definitely got a point there.  
“Oh by the way,” he began in a more serious tone. “I am afraid I will have to reduce our holodeck practice time in the future.”  
“How come?”  
“Captain Janeway ordered me to give our newest crew member lessons in social activities.”  
“You mean Seven of Nine?”  
“Yes, exactly.”  
Irina laughed.  
“That sounds like a challenge.”  
“It surely does,” he replied. “I hope you aren’t mad.”  
“Mad? No, why should I? I think you’ve taught me a lot already. And by the way, we were using your holodeck contingent. I have no right to claim all your free time for my lessons.”  
“Thank you, Irina. I still have time for you on Mondays and Wednesdays. So don’t get lazy!” he smiled and turned to leave the holodeck.

***

Irina was still a bit sleepy when she entered sickbay the next morning. The night had been way too short. After her golfing tournament with the Doctor she had played Velocity with B’Elanna and afterwards enjoyed one of Neelix’ infamous meals in the casino, accompanied with too much of the Talaxian wine he had dug out from his storage container. She hadn’t gotten to bed until 0200 hours.  
“Good morning, Doc,” she greeted her colleague, rubbing her tired eyes.  
“Irina!” the Doctor greeted her with a stern look. “Your clothing is inadequate.”  
Panicking, she looked down on herself. At first she thought she had forgotten to put on pants. But in her opinion there was nothing wrong with her outfit. Her uniform was a bit crinkled but that was it.  
“You’re wearing the wrong uniform,” the Doctor told her with a raised eyebrow.  
“Wha-what?”  
“Here, I replicated a new one for you.” With a broad grin he handed her a brand new Starfleet uniform but this time not with yellow shoulders but with green ones. “The Captain and I have decided to end your internship ahead of schedule. Congratulations, Irina. You’re now officially part of the medical team.”  
Irina just stood there, staring at him with her mouth open when Captain Janeway appeared from the office area.  
“Congratulations, Ensign. You did a great job with the Qu’lar.”  
“Wow, this is- wow,” Irina stammered. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you so much.”   
“I was impressed with how you cared for our rather difficult patient,” the Doctor began. “The idea with the holographic puppy was very unique and something I wouldn’t have thought of in the first place. I mean if I had been given enough time I would surely have-“  
Captain Janeway cleared her throat.  
“I’m sorry Captain. What I wanted to say is that you have proven to be a reliable and talented part of my team. I am looking forward to working with you as my assistant. And now please get changed. I don’t want to have an Engineer running around in my sickbay.”  
Irina nodded and left quickly, before the Doctor or Captain Janeway could see her eyes filling with tears. She made it. She actually made it.

***

The following days were rather uneventful. Irina and the Doctor mostly spent time with routine maintenance tasks and check-up examinations. Due to the Doctor giving Seven of Nine social lessons Irina suddenly had a lot more free time. She could now spend way more time with B’Elanna and Tom and they often met for lunch in the casino. Also she could resume her sports program. And by sports she meant real sports, not golfing. But still she looked forward to the Doctors lessons. In the past weeks he had not only become her colleague but also a good friend.   
However, during the course of the following weeks, she noticed something new about him. Whenever he left for Seven’s lessons, he was in an exceptionally good mood. On Mondays and Wednesdays, when he had scheduled his lessons with Irina, he usually was his normal self. But on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when he taught Seven, Irina noticed not only a spring in his step but also found him humming and whistling during work way more often. She wondered if Seven of Nine had something to do with that.


	13. 13

“Hi there!” Tom greeted Irina and B’Elanna who were sitting at a table in the casino, waiting for him.  
“You’re late again!” B’Elanna pouted. “Our lunch is cold already.”  
“I am so sorry. The repairs on the Delta Flyer were-“  
“Yeah, I’ve got it. Again a shuttle is more important than me,” B’Elanna teased him.  
Tom sighed. “Oh come on, the Delta Flyer is not just any shuttle!” he objected and then turned to Irina and whispered: “She’s jealous of the Delta Flyer, do you hear that?”   
The three of them laughed as they started to eat.  
“How’s work at sickbay?” B’Elanna asked Irina.  
“Oh, quite good, just a bit boring at the moment.”  
“So the Doctor has not bothered you to death already? I wonder how you make it through all of his monologues without falling asleep.”  
“B’Elanna, I’m also an engineer, don’t forget that. If he gets on my nerves too much, I will just deactivate his vocal processor.”  
B’Elanna was pleased with this answer. “Apparently I have taught you all the things you need,” she said and smiled.  
“Oh, speaking of the Doctor!” Tom took over the conversation, waving around a half-eaten chicken leg. “Have you also noticed him acting weirdly during the last few weeks?”  
“Now that you mention it. I think I’ve noticed it, too,” Irina answered.  
“If you ask me-“  
“But what if we don’t ask you, Tom?” B’Elanna added sassily.   
“Ha-ha, very funny. If you ask me, it has to do with his lessons for Seven of Nine. What do you think, Irina?”  
Irina, who had just managed to swallow a very chewy piece of Leola root, shrugged.  
“To be perfectly honest that was one idea that came to my mind, too. He has given me a lot of lessons before and although he was always fun to be with he was never… like that before.”  
“Oooooh, I guess the Doc is in love!” Tom said and let out a whistle.  
“Pshhht, keep it down!” Irina cut him short.   
“Why? What’s the matter?”  
“The matter is, that I am afraid he doesn’t even know himself what’s going on. There is no need that the whole crew gets wind of it before he does.”  
Tom cleared his throat.  
“I’m sorry. I guess you’re right. But I think there’s no harm in teasing him a bit,” he smirked.  
Irina shook her head about Tom’s childishness. “Well, as long as you tease him personally I am the last person to object.” 

***

When Irina came back to sickbay she saw the Doctor sitting in his chair, leaning back, his eyes closed and his hands crossed behind his head.   
“Doc?”   
He flinched and hastily returned to his usual stance.   
“Is everything alright?” Irina asked.   
“Yes. Sure. I was just... lost in thought”   
“Is there something bothering you? You have been acting differently the last week.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I don’t know. Just... differently. Might your new student have something to do with it?” Irina asked with a wink.   
He sighed and again leaned back in his chair.   
“I am not sure,” he began. “It’s just that I enjoy her company...”  
Irina gave him a meaningful look.   
“...a lot,” he added sheepishly.   
“You had better not fall in love with your student, Doc.” Irina smiled and left him sitting alone in his office, while she prepared for the disinfection of the biobeds. 

***

“How are your lessons with Seven going?”  
“Irina!” he chided her. “This is a complex neurosurgical procedure. There are more appropriate times to ask intrusive questions about my social life. Please hand me the laser scalpel.”  
“Oh, I am sorry. I forgot that you’re just a man and therefore not able to multitask.”  
“I am not just a man. I am a highly sophisticated medical emergency hologram. Multitasking is one main part of my programming.”  
“So then, you can as well tell me about your lessons.”  
He sighed.   
“Believe me or not but I’ve managed to spark her interest in dating.”  
“Dating? Really?”  
“Actually... I even have a bet with Tom Paris.”  
“A bet? Are you serious?”   
“If Seven manages to bring a date to the reception for the Kadi ambassador and leaves with the same date later without causing any unpleasant incidents then Paris will work double shifts at sickbay the next month.”  
Irina shook her head in disappointment.   
“I’ve really expected some more mature behaviour from you. Don’t you think that this is a bit disrespectful?”  
She could see he was uneasy about all of this.   
“I know, I know. You’re right. But now we have a bet and I can’t get out of it so easily. Or Mister Paris will think of me as a coward.”  
Irina rolled her eyes.   
“I guess you’re just a man, as I said. Anyways, are you going to be her date?”   
“What? No!” he answered resolutely. “She has decided for Lieutenant Chapman.”  
“Will? Oh, I know him, he is a nice person. He’s just a bit shy. I hope it will work out for her.”  
“I hope so, too. Or I will have to work double shifts at sickbay the whole next month.”  
“And I promise, I will keep reminding you about it every single day.”

***

When they had finished the surgery and the patient was well and alive, at least as far as one could say that about a hologram, they still had some holodeck time left. However, they decided to call it a day since the Doctor still needed to prepare further social lessons for Seven and Irina still had to read the PADD he had given her earlier.   
When Irina was almost at her cabin she noticed she was missing this exact PADD. She sighed. The Doctor expected her to know everything about the physiology of species 8472 by tomorrow morning. So she turned on her heels and went back to holodeck two.   
Since she was sure that the Doctor had left and there could not be anyone else on the holodeck, since it was his reserved time, she entered without even looking at the panel next to the door.   
Inside, the holodeck was an exact representation of cargo bay 2. Weird, Irina thought but nevertheless picked up her PADD from the floor and went to leave again, when she caught sight of a movement from the corner of her eye. She stepped further into the cargo bay and saw Seven and the Doctor in a tight embrace. Irina froze in place when she saw what exactly they were doing. They weren’t only embracing each other, they were kissing passionately. She saw the Doctors hands trailing downwards Seven’s bodysuit. Seven, in exchange, was grinding her hips on his crotch.   
Irina just stood and stared with her mouth open. She didn’t even notice the PADD sliding from her hand, hitting the floor with a clattering sound.   
Immediately, the Doctor let go of Seven in shock and glanced in Irina’s direction, his face blushed and his lips swollen from kissing. She could see that his uniform jacket was open and the rose colour of his face definitely wasn’t the only sign of his arousal.   
“Get! Out!” he screamed furiously and Irina grabbed her PADD from the floor and ran. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, almost bumping into some other crewmen on the way, until she reached her quarter, panting heavily.   
Oh god why?, she thought, trying to catch her breath. Why couldn’t she just have left the PADD there until tomorrow? Surely the Doctor would have understood. Instead, she now had images in her head she could never get rid of again.   
Involuntarily, her brain recalled the situation and she again saw the Doctor and Seven in her mind, making out in cargo bay 2. She was sure it was a holographic representation of Seven but this still did not change the fact that she had seen the Doctor in such an awkward situation. Not only had she invaded his privacy in a very embarrassing way, she also had found out about his most intimate desires. Well, at least there was no denying anymore that he was in love with Seven of Nine.   
Slowly she began breathing more evenly but still she felt her heart pounding rapidly in her chest. The more she regained control over her body the more she noticed that she not only felt a sense of embarrassment but also a tingling sensation in her loins.   
She sighed and plumped down on her sofa. Since they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant she had not had a single sexual encounter with anyone except herself, so this was a perfectly normal reaction to seeing two people interact in such an intimate manner. This was, after all, how porn worked. Still she rather wished this feeling would subside. She had no problem with getting excited about watching other people making out or having sex but it should please not be one of her close friends. That meant it was time for a cold sonic shower.


	14. 14

The next morning she started her shift at sickbay with a huge lump in her throat. Not only did she have to meet the Doctor, whom she caught in a very unflattering situation, but to make things worse she also had to talk to him about it.   
Quietly, she entered the door to sickbay.  
“Doc?”  
She heard him get up from the chair in his office and come to her. Usually he smiled when he greeted her but this time he looked sheepish.   
“I am incredibly sorry, Doc. I shouldn’t-“  
“No, it was my fault. I should have locked the door,” he said, avoiding her gaze.   
“Still, I shouldn’t have invaded your privacy. I just forgot my PADD and-“  
“Let’s just never talk about it again, okay?”  
“Okay.”  
“Oh and please. Could you do me the favour and keep this secret to yourself? I don’t want anyone to-“  
“I am now part of the medical team, remember? I am obliged to confidentiality,” she said with a wink.   
“Thank you, Irina,” he answered and his face brightened.   
“You’ve really fallen for her, haven’t you?” she asked all of a sudden and in the same moment she regretted it. Why would she even care?   
The Doctor eyed her suspiciously but then his gaze softened.   
“I guess there’s no more point in denying it,” he sighed.   
“And what do you think?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Does she feel the same?”  
“I don’t think so.” He avoided her gaze but still she could see the sadness in his eyes. But then he pulled himself together and managed a smile. “This evening she is out for her date with Lieutenant Chapman.”  
“Oh, I understand. I just hope everything goes well...”

***

During the course of the day Irina and the Doctor slowly regained their usual light-heartedness while working together, however, from time to time there were still pictures popping up in her mind from the scene she observed the day before. Somehow she couldn’t completely get rid of the tension she felt last evening. It was her body demanding... attention she guessed. Probably she was a little deprived of intimate human contact. Sometimes, when she looked at the Doctor she could still see him in her mind’s eye, locked in a tight embrace with a holographic Seven of Nine. She had never thought of him as a man. Well, surely as some kind of man but definitely not as a man with sexual needs and desires. She hadn’t even been sure that he had the ability to experience feelings like arousal, let alone to have any kind of sexual encounter. But it was very apparent that he had. Suddenly, she felt her heart beating faster. She scolded herself in her mind. This was neither the time nor the place for such feelings. Especially not when they were directed towards one of her closest friends.   
She watched the Doctor from the corner of her eye while he was replacing the empty hyposprays on the tray. He did not take notice of her, being fully absorbed in his work, looking at the medical tricorder with furrowed brow. A sudden surge of affection rushed over her. And a longing to be near him. To touch him. Then he noticed her gaze.   
“Irina, is something wrong?”   
“No, nothing. Sorry,” she answered quickly. She felt a huge relief when it was finally time for lunch break.

***

“I’ve talked to the Doctor yesterday,” Tom began triumphantly when he sat down at the table with Irina and B’Elanna.   
“So?” Irina said as casually as possible.   
“And I am pretty sure he is indeed attracted to Seven. When I asked him if he had gotten a little infatuated with his star pupil he rejected the thought of it so firmly that I am positive there is something to it.”  
“So what?” B’Elanna asked. “He can have a crush on whoever he wants, why do you care?”  
“Because it’s the Doctor. And it’s Seven of Nine. This is never going to end well for him.”  
“I am afraid you’re right,” Irina said while picking at her salad. Somehow she wasn’t very hungry. “This evening Seven’s date with Will is taking place. Let’s just hope it goes well. Probably the Doctor will be able to forget her then.”

***

This hope was shattered into pieces as Irina and Tom had to take care of William Chapman’s injured shoulder later that evening. Apparently the date had been an absolute catastrophe. And while Tom was gleaming with malicious joy Irina was worried. Although she didn’t dare to ask Will what happened she expected the worst.


	15. 15

Therefore she was surprised when she entered sickbay the next morning and found the Doctor smiling brightly.   
“Doc, how did the date go?”   
Immediately the smile vanished from his face.   
“Oh, don’t ask. It was horrible.”  
“I already thought so. We had to patch up Will’s injured shoulder later. But you don’t seem too bothered about that, do you?”  
“No,” he began and the broad smile returned, “because when Will was gone, Seven and I were dancing.”  
“Dancing?”  
“Yes!” he answered, beaming with joy. “Lesson 35.”  
“You were dancing with Seven of Nine?” Irina asked doubtingly and wasn’t able to comprehend the feelings this fact provoked in her.   
“Exactly!”   
She had hardly ever seen the Doctor this proud.  
“You weren’t expecting this, were you? The hologram and the Borg dancing, who would have guessed?”  
“To be perfectly honest I really did not expect that.”  
“She even pulled me closer so that we-“  
He noticed a weird look on Irina’s face and fell silent.   
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to recall any unwanted pictures in your head,” he finished hastily.   
Irina still wasn’t sure how to feel about all of this. First, she was jealous. But secondly, she was worried about the Doctor. He was such an emotional and sensitive man... She noticed her thoughts trailing off in an unwanted direction and had to interrupt herself. But yes, he was very sensitive. And she didn’t want him to be hurt. He was so full of hope and she was afraid of what would happen to him when this hope was destroyed. She still couldn’t believe that Seven of Nine had feelings for him. Irina didn’t know her too well but she was certain the former Borg would have made clear what she wanted in the first place.   
“Do you think she is romantically interested in you?” Irina asked.   
The Doctor seemed reluctant to address this topic.   
“I don’t know. When we were talking about it she considered me to be her friend. But when we were dancing... “   
Irina could see him getting lost in thought, his eyes gazing into infinity. She cleared her throat.  
“Sorry. What was I saying? Ah, yes... When we were dancing I had the feeling there was a lot more to it.”  
Irina sighed. She did have quite some experience regarding romantic relationships but this situation was proving to be difficult. Anyways, if one thing was for sure, then that she wanted to help the Doctor. Even if that meant putting his needs before her own.   
“Why don’t you ask her out for a date then? You know, the reception for the Kadi ambassador.”  
The Doctor’s avoided her gaze. Seeing him so insecure made her want to hug him and comfort him.   
“I- I did think about it,” he said eventually.   
“Then why didn’t you ask her yet?”  
“I didn’t dare to,” he answered with a sigh. “I am just a hologram after all. I think she would prefer a real man. When she was evaluating the possible candidates for a date I wasn’t even on the list.”  
“Oh,” was the most helpful answer Irina could think of.   
“Maybe...” he studied his reflection on the glass between the office area and the biobeds, “...if I changed my appearance a little...”  
“No!” Irina blurted out and the Doctor looked at her in surprise.   
She felt her cheeks blushing.   
“No,” she added, calmer this time. “I don’t think you should do that. We all... like you the way you are now.”  
“But what if Seven disagrees?”   
“Do you consider yourself to be a superficial person?” she asked out of the blue.   
“Well... no, I don’t think I do,” the Doctor answered, confused by her sudden change in topic.   
“See? Why would you want to attract another superficial person then? What I mean is – if she doesn’t like you the way you are, she’s definitely not worth the effort.”  
“Probably you are right. However I lack a few qualities a human male usually has.”  
Your sexual subroutines seemed to be working quite well three days ago, Irina thought but immediately pushed the mental image away again.  
“What do you mean? What are you lacking?”  
“For example…” he paused as if it did cost him quite an effort to talk about it, “...a heartbeat.”  
“A heartbeat?”  
“Yes. When Seven and I were dancing I could feel her heart beating in her chest. It was very… comforting. But since I am a hologram I don’t even have a heart.”  
“Couldn’t you make an addition to your program?”  
“Technically, yes. But I don’t think I could do it on my own. And I don’t want to bother B’Elanna with it. Besides that I’m not sure if I want to tell her-”  
“I could do it, if you want,” Irina offered.   
“Really? You would do that for me?” The Doctor was flattered. “But it will take a lot of effort, I hope you’re aware of that.”  
“Well, not that much. I mean you’re a doctor. You could program all the physiological functions yourself and then I could help you include them into your holomatrix. This way we split the effort.”  
“I will start working on it as soon as my shift here ends so I can provide you with my results tomorrow.”  
“I’m looking forward to it,” Irina smiled “You’ve helped me so much, now I can finally return the favour.”


	16. 16

In the evening, Irina was sitting at her computer, typing her personal log for the week, when suddenly a message window popped up. It was from the Doctor.  
“Hello Irina,  
I’ve finished all the preparations for the latest addition to my program. If you have time, we could try it out tomorrow. I am so glad you’ve offered to help me. You’re truly a great friend to me. Thank you.”  
She noticed a new, warm feeling of comfort in her chest while reading his message. He was so sweet. Although they had been working together half of the day she was still happy to see him or hear from him. Oh please no, she thought. She should really not be falling in love with her friend and colleague. Especially since he only had eyes for Seven of Nine. She sighed and leaned back in her chair. If there was only some way to get rid of those feelings. Like a hypospray she could take to turn everything back to normal again. She re-read his message on her computer screen. Did she really want that? Erase all of her feelings for him? Of course, her love would be unrequited but still she had missed that feeling a lot since they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant. In the past few years she had hardly felt as alive as she did now. Being in love was exciting and energizing. And arousing. Why not enjoy this feeling for some time? Why not give in to something that was inevitable anyways?  
She started typing a reply to his message.  
“Hey Doc,  
Wow, that was quick! Of course I have time tomorrow to try out what you’ve prepared. I’m happy to be able to help you out. You’ve become a very important part of my life during the last months. Sometimes I wish we could spend some more time together.”  
Then she deleted the last two sentences and rewrote them.   
“Hey Doc,  
Wow, that was quick! Of course I have time tomorrow to try out what you’ve prepared. I’m happy to be able help you out. You’re one of my closest friends, you can always rely on me.”  
She pushed “Send” and only a few seconds later she received an answer from him.  
“Thank you so much. Good night, Irina”  
“Good night,” she answered him, then she turned off her computer to go to bed. She could as well finish her report tomorrow. Right now, she wanted to preserve the cozy feeling she experienced while reading his messages and take it to bed with her.   
She snuggled beneath the soft blanket and closed her eyes. Finally, she allowed the thoughts to come that she had suppressed until now. She imagined the Doctor lying next to her, holding her in his arms. To feel his strong hands on her back and the warmth of his holomatrix on her skin. She sighed. If one thing was for sure then that she had fallen for him head over heels. With a smile on her lips she eventually drifted away into sleep.

***

The next day Irina was eager to get up and start her shift at sickbay. Of course, most tasks had become routine to her by now, but spending time with the Doctor was what had her excited to go to work every morning. Especially today, when they were to try out the new addition to his program.  
“Hey Doc!” she greeted him.  
“Hello Irina!” he answered and smiled, while he got up from the chair in his office. “Have you had time to look at the code I sent you yesterday evening?”  
“Yes, I’ve had a look at it this morning. I wasn’t aware that you wanted to program a respiratory system, too.”  
“Is this a problem?”  
“No, I don’t think it is. I was just wondering. You’ve actually done a great job with your part of the programming.”  
“I am a physician, after all. If there’s one thing I am an expert in, it’s human anatomy.”  
“I think I should be able to integrate these new subroutines in your matrix quite easily. Should we start this afternoon?”  
“Actually,” he began, glancing towards the doors of sickbay, “I would love to try it out now.”  
“Really?” Irina was surprised that he was willing to break the Starfleet regulations and use his working hours for personal matters. This really had to be of great importance to him.   
“When your shift ends, you will be allowed to leave in any case. If there is any work left to do then, I will do it alone in the evening,” he assured her.  
“Well, I don’t think I can resist a direct order from the Chief Medical Officer, can I?” she smirked and started the console.  
“I know this isn’t the hololab but sickbay has holo-emitters, too. I think it should be possible to do the same work from here, right?”  
Irina nodded and opened the EMH interface system where she could have an overview of all of his subroutines. Her gaze was caught by his sexual subroutines for a second but she decided that invading his privacy once was more than enough and she quickly scrolled through them without letting her eyes linger there for too long. She needed to check if his holomatrix was able to handle more physiological data but since he did good work with his programming she was sure there would be no issues or overflows.  
“I think I can start now, if you want.”  
“Yes,” he answered, “please start.”  
While she was copying lines and lines of code and checking for any compiler errors he was walking up and down impatiently.  
“Doc?”  
“Yes? Is something wrong?” he asked with a hint of panic.  
“No. But could you please stand still for a second. You’re making me nervous.”  
“I’m sorry,” he answered and instead stood right behind her at the console.  
As if this was any better for her nerves, she thought. She could feel his breath on her neck as he was watching the screen over her shoulder. Feeling him so close to her made her pulse race and her cheeks blush. She took a deep breath to calm down a bit, then she turned to him. His face was only centimetres away from his.  
“Irina?”  
“Could- could you please stand somewhere else?” she asked with a shaky voice. “If you’re peeking over my shoulder all the time you’re making me even more nervous.”  
“Oh. I see. I will be in my office then,” he said curtly and left.  
She felt sorry for having to send him away but she had to concentrate and if there was one thing she shouldn’t do then it was mess this up.


	17. 17

“Doc?”  
“Yes?” she heard his voice from the office and she could sense the excitement in it.  
“I think I am done.”  
In the blink of an eye he was standing next to her again, looking at her in anticipation.  
“Can we try it out?”  
“Sure. Are you ready?”  
He nodded.  
“Computer, re-initialize the EMH!” she commanded and the Doctor vanished and reappeared a second later.  
She could see his eyes widening with surprise.  
He was feeling his chest nervously, overwhelmed by the new sensations, then he took a deep breath. Irina could see his face brighten with a big smile.   
“Oh this is wonderful!” he shouted with joy. “I can feel the air filling my lungs. Irina, this is wonderful!”  
He walked back and forth, still not fully able to process the new sensory inputs but apparently the procedure had been a huge success.   
Irina smiled. Seeing him so satisfied filled her with pride and happiness.   
“Oh, please, I hope you don’t mind,” he said and hastily opened his uniform jacket, then he took her hand and pressed it onto his chest. “Can you feel it?”  
Irina was frozen solid. The touch of his hands on hers, the warm skin of his chest, only separated from her by the thin fabric of his Starfleet undershirt was enough to make her brain stop functioning properly. She could feel his holographic heart beating in his chest quickly but evenly.   
At this very moment, the sickbay doors opened and Tom Paris entered, panting heavily.   
“Doctor, here’s the report that was due until- Oh.”  
He noticed Irina and the Doctor in their awkward position, standing in the middle of the room, his uniform jacket open and her hand pressed on his chest.   
“Oh, I am sorry,” Tom said hastily, “I did not want to interrupt... well... whatever you were just doing.”  
“It is not what it looks like!” the Doctor answered and turned to Tom. “We were trying out a new addition to my program”  
“An addition to you program?” Tom asked with raised eyebrows.   
“Not that kind of addition you're thinking of, Mister Paris. Irina helped me to add an artificial heartbeat to my program.”  
“Do you wish to-“ The Doctor pointed at his chest.  
“Oh no, thank you. I believe you, Doc. I am just wondering, why exactly did you do that?”  
“It was... to... improve my understanding of human nature,” the Doctor lied and he did a very bad job at it.   
“Sure,” Tom answered briefly, but then he understood and his gaze softened. “It’s because of Seven, isn’t it?”  
The Doctor cleared his throat and tried to sound as business-like as possible. “My lessons with Seven of Nine have nothing to do with my interest in experiencing the human physiology.”  
“Oh come on, Doc. We both know that this is not true.”  
The Doctor looked sheepish.  
“Do you think you’re not human enough for her like you are now?” Tom asked sceptically.  
“I don’t think this in any of your business but if you have to know it – I am sure she couldn’t resist a handsome hologram like me.” He tried to sound aloof but he didn’t quite make it. Irina could sense the insecurity in his voice.  
“But a hologram nonetheless,” Tom added.  
The Doctor sat down on one of the biobeds and sighed. He felt found out.  
“Fine, I admit it. When she was looking for a potential date I wasn’t even on the list of possible candidates.”  
“Oh,” Tom answered, equally helpful as Irina had been before.  
“I wanted to help him to be more human. I thought maybe Seven didn’t consider him because he’s a hologram,” Irina said.  
Tom rubbed his chin thoughtfully. He was the most experienced person in this room, no, probably on the whole ship when it came to romantic relationships. If he didn’t know how to help – who else would?  
“So what have you tried until now?” he asked.  
“Just the heartbeat and that’s it,” Irina answered.  
“I am sure there are more possibilities for us to work on.”  
“However, I don’t plan on changing my appearance,” the Doctor chipped in. “I am aware of the fact that I am a very attractive man”  
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Tom objected and the Doctor gave him a killing glance. “But I agree with you about the first part. You should still be yourself and not try to masquerade as someone else.”  
He started walking up and down while thinking.  
“There has to be something else we can do… Oh, I’ve got it!”  
“What it is, Tom?” Irina asked and she was at least as curious as the Doctor was.  
“Pheromones!” Tom said triumphantly.  
“What do you mean?” The Doctor was sceptic.  
“They are chemicals that are capable of-“  
“Yes I know what they are,” the Doctor interrupted, annoyed. “But how can they help me?”  
“They can’t, at the moment. And that’s exactly the problem. You don’t have any body odour, have you?”  
“Of course not, I am a hologram.”  
“That means you’re missing out a huge part of human attraction.”  
The Doctor looked at Tom, pondering his words.  
“I guess you’ve got a point there,” he said eventually. “But what should I do?”  
“Oh I don’t know. I am not a Doctor. Or an engineer.” He glanced towards Irina. “But you have a very cute and smart assistant here that I am sure will be eager to help you with whatever you come up with.”  
And with these words he turned around and left Irina and the Doctor alone at sickbay.


	18. 18

“I think we could try to program you some kind of body odour,” Irina suggested confidently. “Since sexual attraction is mostly dependant on the immune system and other genetic factors it shouldn’t be too hard to narrow down the variables.”  
“You’re right. So we would first need to find out about Lewis Zimmerman’s genotype and then extrapolate from there on.”  
“Exactly. I mean there are still a lot of other environmental factors to consider but at least this would give us a starting point.”  
They both were caught with a new wave of excitement.  
“I will have a look into the medical database. Since he created me after his own image I am sure there are some records on him,” the Doctor said and started typing on the console eagerly. “There, I’ve got him. That was easy.”  
“You’ve also found his genetic code?”  
“Yes. I knew, if he was at least a tiny bit similar to me, he would have been thorough with his work.”  
“Are you able to simulate his immunochemistry?”  
“I think so. Computer, please simulate all chemical properties of Doctor Zimmerman’s immune system based on the available genotype”  
It took a few minutes but then the computer provided them with an extensive database of Doctor Zimmerman’s immune factors.   
Irina and the Doctor looked at each other. Up to that point, things were going exceptionally well.   
“Now is where the difficult part begins,” Irina explained. “We’ll have to emulate all the components and adjust for any external factors. There are a lot of things to consider: Emotional state, stress level, physical strain, ambient temperature and so on. And much simpler things like… if you wish to wear an aftershave for example.”  
The Doctor looked at the console and seemed to be overwhelmed by all the available parameters.   
“I think we should first leave out any variable parameters and take them into account later,” Irina said reassuringly. “So our first step is to emulate the immunochemical components”   
“I can do this,” the Doctor answered, already much more confident.  
“Ok, then we can-“  
“I would like to start working on it now,” he said and gently pushed her away from the console.  
“You seem stressed.”  
He sighed and looked at her.   
“The reception for the Kadi ambassador is already tomorrow evening. I feel like I’m running out of time.”  
“So you want to ask Seven to join you there on a date?”  
“I think I will.”  
“Don’t worry. We will make it in time, I am sure,” Irina said but he was already fully absorbed in his work at the console and didn’t even notice her leaving sickbay.

***

Since it was already 1900 hours Irina decided to call it a day and go to the casino for dinner. There she found B’Elanna and Tom having a romantic dinner for two, accompanied by a bottle of red wine. She thought they wanted to spend some time by themselves but when they saw her they waved her over. Awkwardly she sat at the side of the table like the metaphorical third wheel.  
“Irina, we’ve just been talking about you,” Tom began.  
“Oh, really?” she asked while she started eating a weird, yellow-brownish soup Neelix had offered her for dinner. “What were you talking about?”  
“It’s about you and the Doctor.”  
Irina froze for a second but then she continued eating and asked as casually as possible, “What’s with me and the Doctor?”  
“Oh, Irina. You’re just as bad at acting innocent as he is. It was very obvious you have a crush on him,” Tom stated and Irina almost choked on her soup.   
“What the hell are you talking about?” she hissed but her body betrayed her and her cheeks flushed pink.  
“See, B’Elanna. Just as I said,” Tom said and B’Elanna smirked. “She’s in love with him.”  
Irina slowly put down her spoon and took a deep breath.   
“Okay, you’ve got me,” she admitted. “So what?”  
“So why are you helping him to impress Seven?” Tom asked.  
“Because he’s my friend. And I want him to be happy.”  
Tom looked at her with a warm gaze. “Oh Irina, you’re really too good for this world.”  
“That’s how I am,” she shrugged. “Oh and by the way: This programming work we are doing together is a phenomenal excuse to spend time with him. A lot of time.”  
“So you’re not going to tell him?”  
“I don’t think so. At least not yet. Let’s see how his lessons with Seven progress. Then I will decide how to go on from there.”

***

Irina and the Doctor were alone in sickbay again. For some reason she couldn’t exactly remember the light was dim. The Doctor took her hand and pressed it on his chest. He was only wearing his Starfleet shirt and pants, no uniform jacket. She could feel his heart beating slowly and steadily through the thin fabric. He lifted his gaze and looked into her eyes with an expression she wasn’t able to interpret. Then he took her hand and guided it downwards, below his shirt until she was touching bare skin. Her eyelids fluttered. Very slowly she trailed her hand upwards though soft, curly hair until it was resting on his heart again. This time she felt it beating more rapidly than before.  
“Beep-beep.”  
She woke with a start, startled by a beeping noise that came from her computer. When she sat up in bed she noticed her breath going quicker and a pulsating feeling in her loins. Wow, she really had it bad. One dream of just touching his bare skin already made her hormones go crazy. Trying to push away the mental images she got up and had a look at her computer. It was 0400. The message was from the Doctor:  
“Hello Irina,   
I hope I didn’t wake you up. I just wanted to say that I’ve finished the emulation of the immunochemical parameters and would love to try something out tomorrow.”  
“Oh, no worries, I was just dreaming about touching your naked skin,” Irina wrote just for fun but when she wanted to delete the message she accidentally hit the “send” button. She stared at her computer screen in shock.  
“Pardon me?” came as an answer a few seconds later.   
God dammit, how could she have been so dumb? Now she needed to find a way out of this.   
“Oh God, I am so sorry, Doc. This should have gone... to somebody else.”  
“As far as I know late-night sexting is not against Starfleet regulations. Don’t worry. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”  
“Thank you, Doc.”   
She sighed with relief. Neither did he seem to have noticed something fishy nor did he make a big deal out of it. Well, she had also found him in an embarrassing situation before so probably that was just fair. Then she heard another computer beep.   
“Anyways, are you going to help me tomorrow?”  
He could really become a little annoying whenever he wanted something.   
“Sure. I will be there at 0800.”   
“Thank you so much! I hope you’re as excited as I am! I think I’ve really outdone myself this time.”  
To be perfectly honest, she was. Tomorrow would be another opportunity to be near him. Probably one of the last ones she would have. And she was actually curious what kind of work he had done.


	19. 19

At 0800 she entered sickbay, her heart probably pounding as quickly as the Doctor’s.   
“Hello Irina, are you read to start?” he greeted her with a big grin.   
Getting straight to the point, she thought.   
“Yes, sure,” she answered, typing at the console. “This time I think I will run your new subroutines separately from your matrix core on the main computer. This will use up a lot of memory and will be quite inefficient but it allows us to make quick changes. Later, we can still implement it in your matrix.”  
“Whatever you say, Chief Engineer,” the Doctor smiled.  
“So what exactly did you prepare?”  
“Starting from the immunologic parameters I've created 26 possible chemical compositions of my own olfactory fingerprint.”  
“26?” Irina was surprised. “And all of this during one night?”  
The Doctor nodded and was obviously very pleased with his own work.   
“So, would you mind being my guinea pig?” the Doctor asked.   
“Of course not,” Irina answered and at least in this matter she was absolutely sincere. She was very curious what he had prepared.   
“I think you’ll need to stand a little closer,” the Doctor said.   
Irina felt like it was Christmas. She felt her heart racing when she stepped close to him. Very close. Her nose was only centimetres away from his bare neck and her breasts were almost touching his chest.   
“Computer, start subroutine EMH omega 1-1.”  
“Beep-boop,” sounded an affirmative beeping noise.   
“Are you smelling anything?” the Doctor asked.   
Irina took a deep breath but there was nothing.   
“I am sorry, but no. I can’t smell anything.”  
“Oh,” the Doctor said and although she couldn’t see his face she could sense his disappointment.   
“Let’s try the next one.”  
“Alright. For the next one I’ve tried a classical 24th century aftershave from earth. Computer, start subroutine EMH omega 1-2.”  
The sweet, artificial scent hit Irina like a slap in the face. It was nauseating.  
“Eww!” she stepped back and waved her hand in front of her nose. “I know this perfume. It’s horrible.”  
The Doctor sighed. “Okay, next one. Computer, start subroutine EMH omega 1-3.”  
The next scent was way more pleasant, it was a slight hint of a perfume she didn’t know but it was definitely way less intrusive than the last one. However, she still was not convinced.   
“This one smells nice.”  
“Great! Should we implement it?”  
“No, I don’t think so. It’s very generic. It’s pleasant but it’s not you, if you know what I mean.”  
“Oh. I think I understand.” The Doctor still was a little disappointed. “The next one is way more natural. I experimented a little with the parameters I took from Doctor Zimmermann. Computer, start subroutine EMH omega 1-4.”  
In the beginning, Irina didn’t smell anything at all. She leaned a little closer to him, her nose almost touching his skin. And then it struck her like a bolt of lightning.   
It wasn’t even a distinctive smell. It was not something she could describe with words. Instead it was something instinctive and primal, something that rooted deeply in the fundaments of her human biology. It was as if this scent bypassed all of her higher brain functions and directly appealed to her reproductive drive. And her physiology reacted accordingly. She felt her heart race, her face flush and she noticed the familiar pulsating sensation in her loins.   
“Irina?” the Doctor interrupted her thoughts. “Is something wrong?”  
“N-no,” she stammered. “Nothing’s wrong. This is just... wow.”  
“Is it good?”  
“Oh yes, it is. If that doesn’t catch Seven’s attention then... I don’t know what will.”  
The Doctor looked at her and noticed her flushed face.   
“Are you sure you’re alright? You look like you’re having a fever.”  
“No, no,” Irina answered with a defensive gesture. “everything is fine.”  
“So you say we should implement this version into my holomatrix?”  
“Yes, I think so. As long as you don’t want to run any more tests.”  
He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.   
“Well, judging from your reaction version 1-4 is the obvious choice. However, there is one aspect we haven’t talked about yet.”  
“What do you mean?”   
“Since you have been my guinea pig for these tests the results are clearly biased. What if you are attracted to this certain composition of immune factors but Seven isn’t?”  
“I- I guess that’s a risk you’ll have to take,” Irina answered, relieved that he did not go into further detail about how she was attracted to his immunochemical markers. “Sometimes two people are just not... compatible. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”   
He looked sceptical but eventually he nodded. “I guess you’re right. You are the only one of us who has first-hand experience with this aspect of human biology. So I will have to trust your opinion.”

***

It took her about two hours but in the end she was able to include the new subroutine into his holomatrix. Just in time, she thought. At the end of her shift she wanted to leave sickbay but saw the Doctor sitting at his computer, nervously drumming his fingers on the table.   
“Hey Doc,” she addressed him and he looked up at her tensely.   
“What’s the matter?”  
“If you want to ask Seven out you should do that soon. The reception starts in a few minutes.”  
“I know, I know,” he said but he didn’t move.   
Irina walked over to him and gently squeezed his shoulder.  
“Doc, I know this is not easy. But if you don’t try you will never know. And later you will always wonder what could have been if you had just found the courage to ask her out.”  
He sighed.   
“You’re right,” he said and finally got up. “I will go and see her now. We’ll meet at the reception later.”  
“Good luck, Doc.”  
“Thank you, Irina.” When he was just about to leave he turned around. “Thank you for everything”  
And then he was gone.   
Irina left sickbay and headed towards her own quarters. She was torn. One part of her wished he would succeed and the other part wished him to fail. But in the end she knew that most importantly she wanted him to be happy. If Seven of Nine could give him what he desired then this was how it was supposed to be.


	20. 20

When Irina sat in her quarters alone she wasn’t so sure anymore if she even wanted to attend the reception. Although she wished the Doctor to be happy with Seven of Nine this was not something she had to witness with her own eyes. It would still hurt her, even though she had assured herself that her feelings for him would be unrequited to begin with. Probably it was her effort, her help that made Seven fall for him and thereby destroyed her own hopes.   
She leaned back on her couch and took a deep breath. Although she was of course curious how the Doctor’s date was going she decided she wanted to spare herself the pain of seeing him together with Seven. She would rather spend the evening alone at her quarters. Plus, she still had another report to write. 

***

When she entered sickbay the next morning she found the Doctor sitting at his computer, seeming even more nervous than the day before.   
“Good morning, Doc,” she greeted him.   
“Morning,” he murmured absently, staring at his computer screen.   
“Is something wrong? Didn’t Seven join you to the reception? How did it go?”   
He looked up to her and shook his head.  
“Oh, don’t ask. Yes, we went there together but later she found out about my bet with Mister Paris. Of course she was furious.”  
Irina slapped her forehead.   
“I told you it was a stupid idea!”  
“Yes I know!” he snapped at her but immediately afterwards he regretted his emotional outbreak. “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay. I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure lately.”  
“I told her I was sorry and she accepted my apology.”  
“So then everything is fine, isn’t it?” she asked and leaned on the table next to him.   
“No, not exactly. I wanted to find out how she felt about me but when I addressed the topic I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her how I feel. I think I made it sound like we were just friends.”  
“Oh. Well, I am afraid if you want to know for sure you will have to ask her directly.”  
The Doctor sighed.   
“That’s what Tom told me, too. But I don’t know if I dare to.”  
Irina studied him, his chin resting in his left hand while his right was fiddling around with his mobile emitter. Never before she had seen him so insecure and tense. Then Irina got an idea.   
“You still have this holoprogram with a simulation of Seven, right?”   
The Doctor rolled his eyes.   
“Didn’t I ask you to never speak of it again?”  
“You're missing my point. I am not talking about any indecent holodeck activities. I was suggesting you could use this holoprogram to practice.”  
“Practice?”   
“Yes. Just like you had me practice surgical procedures with some poor holographic dude you could as well practice telling Seven about your feelings with... well... Seven.”  
The Doctor looked at her sceptically.   
“Why would I want to do that?”  
“Why would you give me lessons on the holodeck?”  
“Well, so that you’re less nervous when you’re experiencing a real- Oh, I see.”  
“It’s never easy, Doc, I know. But you’ve only got those two options: Either you risk it and tell her how you feel or you sit here all day in self-loathing and wonder what could have been.”  
“But what if she doesn’t reciprocate?”  
“Then that’s how it is. But at least you will know what you're dealing with. This permanent insecurity is taking a toll on you. I’ve noticed it, Tom has noticed it. Even B’Elanna has noticed it.”  
He sighed.   
“I guess you’re right.”  
“I will have sickbay for the rest of the day if you want. Then you can do whatever you need to do on the holodeck.”  
The Doctor nodded. “Thank you. Computer, is holodeck two occupied?”  
“Negative.”  
“Computer, please transfer the EMH to holodeck two.”  
“Good luck,” Irina whispered but he had already vanished. 

***

The rest of her shift in sickbay was straining. Not because she had much to do, in fact, she mostly sat around doing nothing, but because in her mind she was evaluating all the possible scenarios that could occur. Either Seven and the Doctor got together, which meant that he would be happy but she had to live with the painful longing for him while he was with another woman. Or Seven would reject him and leave him in sadness but give Irina the chance to maybe confess her feelings to him one day.   
Both outcomes didn’t seem very favourable. But whatever happened, she had no influence on it anymore. She had done her best to help her friend. And although she sometimes got a bad conscience because one part of her secretly wished Seven would reject him, she was still positive that she had done all she could. Whatever happened, she would get through it. They would get through it.


	21. 21

Irina jumped up from the office chair when she heard the sound of the Doctor materializing in sickbay. Then she caught sight of him standing at the doorframe, his shoulders hanging and his eyes full of sadness.   
“Oh God, I am so sorry, Doc,” she said and this time she gave in to the sudden urge to comfort him and took him in her arms, hugging him tightly. In the beginning he was hesitant, his arms dangling limply down the sides of his body but then he also embraced her, absorbing the comforting feeling of her body warmth.   
Irina felt him so close to her as never before, but this time there were no inappropriate fantasies. This time it was just her being there for her friend who so desperately needed comfort.   
They were just standing like that for a few moments, holding on to each other, seeming to forget about their surroundings for a short while. Then, Irina broke the silence.  
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”   
The Doctor let go of her but avoided her gaze.   
“I wanted to tell her.”  
“But?”  
“But she didn’t let me. Instead, she chose to end our social lessons.”   
Irina could almost physically feel the disappointment in his voice. Not only had Seven rejected him, she had also taken away from him the one means of spending time with her.   
“But why?”  
“Because, as she said, there are no potential mates for her aboard this vessel.”  
“Oh, I am so sorry.”   
“Well, at least now I know what I’m dealing with, right?” he said with a weak smile.   
“I know it hurts. And it might seem unbearable at the moment. But believe me, you'll get over it eventually.”  
“I just hope you’re right,” he answered, shuffling past her and into his office. 

***

The following days were not easy. Irina could sense the sadness in every one of the Doctor’s movements, of his words, of his gestures. Sometimes she watched him just sit in his office, staring off into the distance. It hurt her to see him like this. He had not left sickbay since his rejection from Seven and he had not talked to anyone except her, Tom and his patients. She had not seen a single genuine smile from him since then. So she decided that she had to do something about that.   
“Hey Doc.”   
He didn’t look up to her but was still staring at his computer screen.   
“Mh?”   
“I’ve noticed you haven’t been quite yourself during the last days.”  
“Maybe.”  
“I know it’s because of Seven. But you can’t hide here in sickbay forever.”  
“As you might have noticed I am not in the mood for socializing.”  
“I don’t mean going to parties or something. But just doing anything that is not work.”  
Finally he looked up from the screen but she could see he was still rather unwilling to address this topic.   
“So what do you suggest?”   
“Maybe we could do something together? Only the two of us. No parties, no other people, no obligations.”  
“I don’t know,” he said, still not convinced.   
“Some time ago,” Irina began “I've written a holoprogram for when I was lovesick. And today I’ve reserved the holodeck for-”  
“You were lovesick? Because of whom?”  
“Oh no, let’s not talk about it right now“  
“Ah, it was the guy you’ve wanted to send this late-night message to, right?”  
“Which guy? I’ve never- Oh, the guy. Yes. Yes, it was him.”  
“So it didn’t work out in the end?”  
“No, sadly not. He only had eyes for another woman.”  
“Oh I see. I am sorry. And I bothered you with my feelings for Seven. That wasn’t very thoughtful of me.”  
“No, don’t worry. It’s not so important. Right now I want to make you feel better. What do you think? Would you mind joining me on the holodeck?”  
He sighed but didn’t answer.   
“Come on, Doc, please do it for me. If you don’t like it you can leave anytime. I promise I won’t be mad.”  
“Okay, fine. If you insist,” he said and got up. “I’ll see you there. Computer, transfer the EMH to holodeck two.”

***

The Doctor was surprised when he saw what Irina’s program was like. It consisted of a big, comfy room with a huge couch and a giant TV screen. Scattered of the couch there were lots of cushions, fluffy blankets and plush toys of many kinds.   
“This looks... interesting,” the Doctor commented.   
“Welcome to my program for the lovesick! Make yourself at home!”  
Hesitantly, the Doctor sat on the edge of the sofa, obviously uncomfortable with these unknown surroundings.  
“Oh, I almost forgot,” Irina said “Computer, please change our clothes to comfy pajamas.”  
In the blink of an eye Irina and the Doctor were dressed in the softest and coziest pair of pajamas that ever existed in Starfleet history.   
The Doctor looked at her in confusion.   
“So what are we going to do in these outfits?”  
“It’s simple. We’re going to watch a movie.”  
“A movie?”  
“Yes, a nice, old fashioned 2D movie. No holoprograms, no adventures, no social interaction. Just you, me and a TV screen. And now, please try to relax a bit. You look as if you were about to make a statement to the Starfleet administrative court.”  
The Doctor leaned back on the couch, trying to squeeze in between a giant teddy bear and an overly fluffy, pink cushion.   
“What do you want for a snack? Popcorn? Ice cream? Gummy bears? Or a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows?” Irina asked.  
“I- I think I’ll take the hot chocolate then,” the Doctor answered and seconds later Irina returned with a big bowl of ice cream and a cup of got chocolate. She sat next to him on the couch, however, they were still separated by the giant teddy bear. To prevent her from making any indiscreet moves, she told herself.   
“Are you feeling comfy? Or would you rather want to leave?” she asked him.   
“No. No, I think I wouldn’t mind staying here for a while.”  
If that wasn’t a success, Irina didn’t know what was.   
“What movie are we watching?” he asked.   
“It’s called Groundhog Day. Do you know it?”  
“No, I don’t think I do.”  
“I am sure you're going to like it,” she said and took the TV remote. “Ready?”  
He nodded.


	22. 22

In the beginning the Doctor didn’t seem overly interested in the movie but when they started seeing the groundhog over and over again and Phil Connors becoming more and more annoyed with it, she glanced over to him and saw him smiling. She even thought she heard him chuckle during one or two scenes. And most of all, he sat with her through the whole movie and didn’t make a move to leave early.   
When the movie had ended and Irina turned off the TV she looked over to him, past the giant plush teddy sitting in between them. Again, he seemed lost in thought.   
“Doc?”  
He flinched.   
“Yes?”   
“The movie is over,” she smiled. “Thank you for being here with me. I hope you liked it at least a tiny bit.”  
“Yes, I sure did. It’s just that in the end I had to think of Seven and myself.”  
“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t want to evoke those feelings in you.”  
“No, it’s fine. I will have to learn to cope with it. There will always be situations that remind me of her. I mean I can’t avoid talking to her for the rest of our journey.”  
“You’re right, that’s the spirit! I know, in the beginning it feels like you’ll never get over it. But when some time has passed you’ll see that it slowly gets better and better. Until after a while you'll be able to continue living your own life again.”  
“Thank you, Irina. I’ve just never experienced unrequited love before, so these feelings are completely new to me. But I hope I will get over it eventually.”  
“You have to. We need you. Not only as a doctor but also as a friend. Please don’t hide in sickbay any longer. We all miss you a lot.”  
He nodded, visibly touched by her words. They needed him, he thought. As a friend. He would not let them down. 

***

Slowly but steadily things were getting better. Irina had started a low-dose therapy with relaxing and fun activities for the Doctor. In the beginning it was only once in a week when the two of them did something together but over the time their meetings became more frequent. Since he was still in lovesick mode he refused to attend any parties or social gatherings but he never missed one single “date” with Irina. It reminded her of the time when he sacrificed his holodeck time for her medical training or when he used his free time to help her treat her Myotonia. Sometimes she even felt like they were some kind of couple. Not that they had any kind of romantic relationship but judging from the amount of time they spent with each other they were pretty close to it. They actually spent way more time together than for example Tom and B’Elanna, since they were not only working together in sickbay but additionally engaging in recreational activities together. Irina noticed how much she had missed those times. Since the Doctor had started giving Seven social lessons Irina had been forced to put aside her own wish of spending time with him. Now things were slowly getting back to normal again, but more than that she had the feeling they had even grown closer over the course of the events. The Doctor had shared with her his deepest wishes and desires and she had in return helped him to become more human. If she wanted or not, this was giving her hope. Probably there was a very small chance that they could indeed become romantically involved one day. But until then she had to take what she could get. 

***

The Doctor closed his computer and sighed. This had been the last report for today. They had spent the whole day treating more than 30 crewmen with food poisoning after they all had eaten from Neelix’ Oblissian cabbage salad. Apparently Oblissian cabbage was not supposed to be eaten raw by humans. Therefore they had to deal with loads of vomiting, wailing crewmen that occupied sickbay for half of the day until they finally managed to cure all of their symptoms. But as if that was not enough, there still was all the documentation to do. A written report needed to be provided for every patient treated, including symptoms, patient history, diagnosis and medication. It was already 2100 when they finally finished the last one of the reports. Irina had to do a lot of overtime that day but she didn’t want to leave all the work to the Doctor alone.   
“Thank you very much for your help, Irina,” he said, and she could see how exhausted and stressed he was. He rubbed his head as if he had a headache, which was of course impossible due to him being a hologram.   
“You’re welcome. I am your friend, remember. I won’t let you down.”  
He just nodded, leaning back in his chair, his eyes closed.   
“I think you need to relax a bit,” Irina told him.   
“That’s what I am just trying to do,” he answered without opening his eyes.   
“That’s not what I mean. I think a massage could work wonders. What do you think?”  
“I don’t need a massage. I am a hologram. I can’t have sore muscles.”  
“I don’t mean a massage as a medical treatment. I thought of it as a way to improve your mental well-being.”  
Slowly he opened his eyes, eyeing her sceptically.   
“I guess there is no harm in trying,” he answered eventually and she stepped behind him.   
“I think you’ll have to take off your jacket.”  
“Oh, sure,” he agreed and did as she wished, now sitting in front of her in his standard grey Starfleet undershirt.   
She began by slowly kneading his neck and his shoulders. In the beginning he seemed a bit uncomfortable but as he got more and more used to her touch he started to relax. Irina continued like this for a while until she could feel him breathing slowly and steadily, his muscles soft and warm under her hands. Then she became a little bolder. She moved up his neck in slow, careful circles, up to his hairline and then down again. The feeling of his naked skin under her fingers made her heart skip a beat but she tried not to let it show. Instead, she continued her slow, gentle movements on his neck, alternating between circling motions and feather-light touches of her fingertips trailing down the sides of his neck. She could feel him getting goose bumps beneath her fingers and she was sure he was enjoying the touch of human hands on his bare skin just as much as she enjoyed massaging him. Irina closed her eyes and focussed on the sensations. Being so close to him filled her heart with warmth and her soul with a faint hope. But then, suddenly, she felt his hand on hers, stopping her from moving.   
“Thank you, Irina,” he said with a soft smile, looking up towards her. “That was very nice of you.”  
“Did I do something wrong? Did you not enjoy it?”  
“Oh, yes. Yes, I did. But it’s getting late. You should go to bed.”  
“I understand,” she murmured, confused by his interruption.   
Had she gone too far? Had she crossed a line she shouldn’t have crossed? She wasn’t sure. But on the other hand he didn’t seem to be mad at her. Rather the opposite was the case: He seemed relaxed and content. But nevertheless he had stopped her.   
“I guess I will leave then,” she said while turning to the door. “Good night, Doc.”  
“Good night,” he answered softly, gazing after her as she left sickbay.   
Oh yes, he had indeed enjoyed her massage. Probably just a bit too much. When she was caressing him, he became painfully aware of how much he craved human touch and intimacy. How deprived he was from feeling someone else’s skin on his, someone’s body warmth. He tried to recall the sensation of her fingers on his neck, but this time in his imagination it was not Irina but Seven of Nine caressing him, metal Borg implants trailing over his holographic skin. Then his fantasy took a more erotic turn. Seven’s hands wandered down his chest, down to his nipples, gently stroking them through the thin fabric of his Starfleet shirt. He felt her breath on his neck, then her soft lips, as she began planting soft kisses there, while her hands slowly found their way further downwards.   
A tingling sensation in his groin brought him back to reality. He gulped. Now he wasn’t just depressed anymore, now he was depressed and also aroused. How long had it been since he was touched in any sexual way by another person? Sure, there had been his holographic wife but the last time he had any intimate contact with another person he hadn’t programmed himself was with Danara Pel. That was more than three years ago. No wonder he reacted this way to human touch, he had been without it for many years now. He rubbed his eyes trying to push away the memories of him and Danara. The mental image of her naked body below him in the dim light of the Mars surface wasn’t exactly helpful when trying to calm down his arousal.   
Maybe it was better to deactivate his program for today to keep him from fantasizing too much.   
“Computer, deactivate the EMH!” he commanded and vanished into thin air.


	23. 23

“Hey Doc, I am so sorry,” Tom blurted out when he entered sickbay the next morning. “I didn’t know you had that much trouble with the food poisoning. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be of any help yesterday.”  
“It’s okay Mister Paris,” the Doctor answered. “You were vomiting all over sickbay, I remember that vividly. I think that does render a doctor’s note redundant.”  
“Thank you so much. I hope you were able to manage sickbay without me.”  
“Oh, please don’t overestimate your importance. I am perfectly able of running sickbay alone, just together with Irina. I am a hologram, as you might remember. I don’t get exhausted.”  
“Good. Nice to hear that.”  
Tom stood there for a moment, watching the Doctor scan the hyposprays on the tray.   
“By the way, Doc,” he began. “How are you feeling?”  
“My program is functioning within normal parameters.”  
“That’s not what I mean. I mean how are you feeling?”  
The Doctor stopped his work and leaned on one of the biobeds.   
“I don’t know.” He sighed “Sometimes I think I am almost back to being my normal self again but at other times I have the feeling I will never be able to get over her.”  
“I think this is normal, your mind needs some time to process what happened. However, Irina told me that you two were spending a lot of time together. So at least you’re not hiding in sickbay any more?”  
“I wasn’t hiding. I was just not in the mood for much social interaction. And to be perfectly honest, I still am.”  
“But being with Irina is fine?”  
The Doctor looked puzzled.  
“Why are you asking? It’s Irina. She’s my friend and I trust her. Spending time with her is completely different from attending a party with a dozen people.”   
“Oh, I see. You know, Doc, B’Elanna once told me there’s an old Klingon proverb. If you keep gazing at the stars you might miss the treasure right in front of you.”  
With these words he strolled off and left the Doctor alone to his thoughts. 

***

“Doc?” Irina asked him as they were just finishing their work at sickbay. “Are you coming to the Luau tonight?”  
“I don’t think so. I am still not in the mood for parties.”  
Irina sighed.   
“I promise, Seven won’t attend”  
The Doctor rolled his eyes.  
“That’s not what I meant.”  
“So then why aren’t you going? Having a little fun will surely make you feel better.”  
“Oh I don’t know. Maybe because I don’t want to see happy couples chatting and flirting while I am alone there.”  
“Then go with me.”  
“With you?”   
“Yes, why not? Then you won’t be alone.”  
“Are you just asking me for a date?” The Doctor was surprised.   
“If that’s what you want to call it – yes. There’s no rule that says you can’t bring a good friend to a Luau.”  
“That’s very nice of you but I don’t think I want to be there. I’ll rather stay here and start with my weekly report.”  
“If you’re not going, I’m not going either,” Irina told him resolutely.   
“But you will miss all the fun! The Luau is only once a year and I am sure B’Elanna and Tom will be worried about you.”  
“Well, it’s your decision,” Irina said with her eyebrows raised.   
“You know that this is attempted blackmail, don’t you?”  
“I don’t care as long as it works.” She smirked. “So what do you say: Do we have a date?”   
“Yes, we have a date,” the Doctor murmured grumpily.   
“So then see you on the holodeck at 2100 hours. And don’t be late!” Irina chirped and left. 

***

Irina needed almost an hour to decide for an outfit. It was her first date with the Doctor, after all. And although it was not a real date it almost felt like that. Which meant that she was nervous. Very nervous.   
Way too early she made her way to the holodeck, having finally decided on a light pink dress with a flower motif and a little bit of cleavage – but not too much cleavage. Of course she was still no match for Seven of Nine in her bodysuit but at least it was something.   
The holodeck was already buzzing with people laughing, chatting and drinking. There was Hawaiian music playing and Neelix was handing out flower garlands to all the guests. Irina stayed near the entrance and waited for her friend to arrive. Then she heard a familiar voice behind her.   
“Hey Irina” It was Tom Paris. He was joined by B’Elanna and they were wearing a matching green shirt and dress with a horrible flamingo motif. “Why are you standing around here? Don’t you want to join the fun?”  
“Oh yes I will. But first I will have to wait for my date,” she replied with a wink.   
“Your date? You mean the Doctor?”   
Irina nodded.   
“Wow, congratulations. Not only did you make him join the Luau, but he’s also your date. If that’s not some serious progress then I don’t know what is.”  
“Oh don’t congratulate me so early. We’re just here as friends.”  
Tom chuckled.   
“Come on, you know how he is. He will fall for any woman that gives him more than five minutes of her attention.”  
In that very moment the Doctor materialized next to them, wearing a Hawaii shirt with yellow and orange pineapples printed on. Irina involuntarily rolled her eyes at his outfit choice.   
“Oh, hello!” the Doctor greeted them. “Did I interrupt you?”   
“No, not at all,” Tom answered. “In fact, we were waiting for you.”  
“How very nice of you. Shall we?” the Doctor asked Irina and offered her his arm.   
“I’d love to,” she answered and smiled, as she willingly took his arm and they entered the front porch of the Hawaiian building.


	24. 24

In the beginning, it all went as planned. Irina and the Doctor were sitting with Tom, B’Elanna, Harry and Neelix and Tom was entertaining them with stories from his wild life, while B’Elanna and the Doctor commented on them with sassy remarks. Everything was fine, until the Doctor went to get new drinks for him and Irina. He took longer than she expected and as he hadn’t returned after ten minutes straight she excused herself and went looking for him. She finally found him, standing at the bar, flirting with one of Neelix’ holofigures. She rolled her eyes. Of course it was a tall, blonde, big-breasted young woman, baring a lot of resemblance to Seven of Nine. He was apparently enjoying the attention he got when the young lady caressed his cheek and then put her hand on his chest.   
Irina felt anger rising up. He was supposed to be here with her, not with some random lady from Neelix’ program. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder.   
“He can really be a complete idiot sometimes.”   
It was Tom Paris talking to her.   
“Oh yes, he can,” Irina answered and felt a sting in her heart when the blonde lady gave the Doctor a kiss on the cheek.   
“Maybe you should talk to him.”  
“Really? I think he’s quite busy at the moment.” Irina sighed and turned to leave. “I think I will let him have his fun. At least he is having fun after all.”  
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay with us some more? I think you could use some company.”  
“Thank you Tom, but I’d rather be alone now. If the Doctor asks for me, although I am pretty sure he won’t, feel free to tell him that he has been a total asshat this evening.”  
“In this exact wording?” Tom smiled.   
“Oh yes, please.”  
“If you say so, Irina.”   
And with these words he turned around and went back to the others that were still sitting on the front porch, talking and enjoying themselves. However, Irina definitely wasn’t in the mood for that anymore. She glanced over to the Doctor and the young woman. They weren’t standing at the bar any longer but had found a spot in one of the beach chairs next to the palm trees in the back of the building. And apparently they had turned up the heat some more. Now, they were kissing passionately and the young woman’s hand was finding its way under the Doctor’s shirt.   
Although Irina was seriously hurt by his rude behaviour she had to admit that this sight was quite exciting. It reminded her of the time when she walked in on him making out with a holographic Seven of Nine. She noticed that the familiar pulsating feeling in her loins was returning. Probably she should stay here and watch them a little longer, she thought and hid between the palm trees. If he was allowed to have fun, she was, too. That was just fair, right?   
A few moments later however, the Doctor and his companion got up and went inside the Hawaiian building. Irina had never been inside it and wasn’t even sure how its interior was like. Then she remembered that Neelix had programmed it and so it was very likely that there were a lot of rooms and other places inviting visitors to have some special kind of fun there.   
She looked around but nobody had taken notice of her so she slowly and quietly followed the Doctor and the young woman. They were giggling and teasing each other as they made their way to one of the rooms in the first floor and the Doctor locked the door behind them.   
A little bit more careful this time, huh? Irina thought and examined the corridor. There were other rooms unoccupied, one of them next to the one the Doctor and his holographic lover were in. She entered and locked the door behind her. The room was dimly lit by a few candles and the crescent moon shining through the balcony doors. A balcony?   
Irina stood frozen, her hand hovering only a centimetre above the balcony door handle, weighing all the possibilities in her mind. She could leave now and go to bed with the mental image of the Doctor having sex with a holographic woman or she could try to see it first hand. Of course she would be severely invading his privacy. But on the other hand she was still mad at him for leaving her alone at the party. Probably he would never develop any feelings for her anyways. So either she used this opportunity now or she would most likely never have a similar chance again. She was not a voyeur, of course. But since daydreams were the only intimate contact she could have with the Doctor she would be dumb to waste this opportunity.   
In slow motion she pressed down the door handle, trying to avoid making any sound. And it worked. Only a second later the balcony door swang open and she stepped outside. The balcony was furnished with two chairs and one small table, accompanied by a lot of exotic plants and flowers in clay pots. And most of all, the railing wasn’t very high and easy to climb over. Carefully Irina climbed onto it and took a small step over to the next balcony. Somehow she felt like a criminal but that didn’t decrease her excitement at all. She stepped on the other balcony and crouched below the window. As she raised her head and peeked through the glass, she could see the Doctor and the blonde young woman lying on the large canopy bed, the Doctor being on top of her, and they were kissing hungrily. And most importantly they were both naked already.   
Straight to the point, Irina thought and shifted her position a bit to be able to see better. The room was, like the other one, only lit by candles and the moonlight so it was hard to see much. Still she could make out the Doctor’s naked body and the blonde woman’s hands trailing over his head, down his back and then up again. Suddenly Irina could see the woman’s fingernails dig into his shoulders as they both moaned in unison. Apparently the windows weren’t isolated very well so Irina could hear rather clearly. She could see Doctor’s movements on top of his holographic lover and heard the bed squeaking and it was very obvious that he was inside her now. Oh God, this was hot, Irina thought and felt her face flush. Her left hand wandered below her skirt, straight between her legs where she started touching herself as she watched the Doctor have sex. I’m not a voyeur, she thought but still her arousal was overwhelming. Now she had material for a lot of daydreams.   
“Oh yes, please assimilate me!” she heard him gasp and involuntarily rolled her eyes at his overly dramatic attempt at dirty talk. Still, it was exciting to hear him being so aroused.   
The moans from inside the room were getting louder and Irina was getting closer and closer to climax when she heard the blonde woman scream out her pleasure and saw her body convulse below the Doctor.   
Apparently he is quite good at this, Irina thought. But the best part was still to come, most literally. A few moments later she could see his movements quicken until suddenly his back stiffened and with one loud groan he climaxed on top of his holographic lover.   
This sight was what also took Irina over the edge. She bit her lip, trying not to make any sound and her free hand clenched the window sill. She felt the wave of the orgasm rush through her, her legs trembling and her breath stopping for a moment. Then she was back to reality, breathing heavily. She had to get away from here quickly. Who knew what the Doctor and his young companion were up to now. Probably stepping out on the balcony to gaze at the moon? Whatever it was, she had better leave before one of them caught sight of her.   
Carefully she got up, her legs still shaky. The best idea probably was jumping down the balcony and then running away as fast as possible. In one swift motion she swung herself over the railing and landed on the floor below, not very gracefully but unhurt. Sadly she took one of the flower pots with her which crashed into the floor next to her and shattered with a loud noise. And then she ran, as fast as her legs could carry her, back to her quarters.   
The Doctor was still somewhat drowsy from his climax and was just snuggling up to his holographic lover when he heard a noise from outside the window. Immediately he sat up, staring to where the noise came from, but all he could see was a shadow scurrying away through the palm trees. Had he been watched?   
“What’s wrong, darling?” the naked blonde woman lying behind him asked, touching him by the shoulder.   
“Computer, create a holographic representation of anyone that was outside this window during the last five minutes.”  
A holographic projection appeared inside the room. The Doctor stared at it in disbelief. The blonde hair, the pink dress, the slim figure... This was definitely Irina. And not only was she kneeling and peeping through the window, apparently she was... masturbating?   
A wide range of emotions crossed the Doctors mind. From shock to embarrassment to anger to confusion, then to amusement, pride and even... arousal? Why was she watching him? Was she some kind of voyeur? But why him of all people?   
The holographic lady pulled him back on the mattress and interrupted his thoughts with a passionate kiss. He would think about this whole situation tomorrow, he told himself as his lover planted kisses on his neck, his chest and his belly, trailing down his body. Now was not the time for thinking. Now was the time for having fun.


	25. 25

When Irina entered sickbay the next morning she could hear the Doctor whistling from far away while he was checking the sensor functions on one of the biobeds.   
“Morning, Doc.”  
“Good morning, Irina,” he answered with a broad smile. “The Luau yesterday was great, wasn’t it? Thank you so much for inviting me!”  
“I am glad that you enjoyed it. I guess you’ve had completely forgotten about me by then.” She was still angry at him for leaving her alone the day before.   
“Oh, I am very sorry. I got... distracted. I didn’t want to let you down.”  
“It’s okay,” she sighed, “at least you had some fun, didn’t you?”  
“Oh yes. And what fun I had! Neelix is very accurate when it comes to programming holofigures,” he answered, smiling to himself and being lost in a daydream for a few seconds. But then his brows furrowed. “However, there was something strange.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I think I saw someone... watching us.”  
Irina gulped. So he saw her. Or at least he saw something.   
“Do you know who it was?” she asked, desperately trying to keep a steady voice.   
“No, I could only see a shadow running away through the palm trees.”  
There was silence for a moment, then he continued.  
“But let’s not talk about my sexual adventures so much. How did you like the Luau? I hope you could still enjoy it.”  
“To be perfectly honest I left early. I was a bit mad at you for leaving me alone. But that’s not so important. It seems you’re feeling better and that’s what counts.”  
“Thank you for not holding a grudge against me.”  
“It’s fine. How long did you stay last night?” Irina was actually curious.   
“I think it was... about 0400 when I left,” the Doctor grinned, obviously very proud of himself.   
“Impressive,” Irina answered matter-of-factly trying to calm her pulse down.   
“Being a hologram does have some advantages.”  
They both fell silent again.   
“So do you think you could do this more often?”   
He gave her a puzzled look.   
“Oh, going out I mean,” she added quickly.   
“Yes, sure. Why not,” He answered with a shrug. “I think I’ve been hiding here for long enough.”   
Irina smiled. “Mission accomplished.”

***

During the next days, life at sickbay almost turned back to normal. The Doctor had apparently overcome his lovesickness and had not become suspicious that it was her, who had spied on him. Irina, however, was thinking of that exact situation almost every night before she fell asleep. She imagined her being in place of the woman on the holodeck, feeling his hands on her body and him inside her. Even when she was at work, she couldn’t prevent those mental images from popping up. Sometimes, when she looked at him, she couldn’t help but imagine him lying on top of her naked.   
But that wasn’t the only thing that was different now. She thought she had noticed some kind of subtle sexual tension between them. It began in that very moment when they were talking about his night on the holodeck. And from then on, it never seemed to subside again. There was something strange in the way he looked at her. Sometimes she thought he had seen her that night but on the other hand she was sure he would have confronted her about it already. For the moment, she chose to ignore these thoughts and continue as if nothing had happened, enjoying her daydreams at night but keeping a professional distance during the day.   
The Doctor, however, was curious. He was still wondering why Irina had spied on him. Whatever the reason was, he knew he should have been angry about it but first of all he was flattered. Flattered that a young woman like Irina chose him as an object of desire. On top of that, he was excited. Did she have some kind of feelings for him or was it merely a matter of sexual attraction? Under normal conditions he would have just asked her and confronted her but since she had decided to keep her feelings – of whatever quality they were – secret, he was very willing to join that kind of game. He remembered how she sent him that naughty message at night and later wrote that this should have gone to someone else. He wasn’t so sure about that anymore. Probably it was supposed to be for him. Same with her lovesickness holoprogram. She had never told him about any kind of crush she had and he found that to be quite unusual since they were such close friends. But not even one word was mentioned. Maybe this program was about him? Maybe it was to help her cope with her feelings for him, since he only had eyes for Seven of Nine?  
Irina had to be, like him, deprived from intimate contact, but not only since a few years but since they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant. She never mentioned any kind of romantic relationship she had since she was aboard Voyager. Actually, it had to be a lot worse for her than it was for him. He had his relationship with Danara Pel – although this was already years ago – but Irina had nobody at all. It wasn’t very surprising that she was seeking pleasure in some way. Did she think she could not have him? Or did she not want him personally but just the excitement of spying on a colleague or a friend having sex? He could hardly believe she had fallen for him. But in hindsight, it had been the same with Danara: A beautiful, intelligent woman craving for his touch, for his proximity – and him not noticing it.   
Sadly, that was not the case for Seven of Nine. He liked Irina a lot and he found the thought of him being desired by her quite flattering but in the end Seven was who he was longing for. What a tragic course of events, he thought. Especially since Irina even helped him in the past to be more attractive to Seven. However, he did have the urge to know how Irina really felt for him. Maybe the reason for that wasn’t love but rather scientific curiosity, but still he wanted to know. He hoped that there would be an opportunity to find out more.


	26. 26

A few days later, he got one of those opportunities. As they were doing regular maintenance work in sickbay, suddenly the lights went flickering and so did the Doctor’s program for a second.   
“Irina, what’s wrong?” he asked nervously.   
“I don’t know, I will run a diagnosis. However, you should transfer your program to the mobile emitter, just to be sure,” she answered and the Doctor did as he was told.   
“I think I’ve found the issue,” she said after a few minutes scanning through sensor readings at the console. “One of the plasma relays is malfunctioning.”  
“Thank you, I will contact B’Elanna-“  
“No, wait. I think I can fix this myself.”  
“You think?”  
“I can fix this myself, I am sure. I’ve done similar work in Engineering like a thousand times. I just need someone to assist me. Would you mind?”  
“No, of course not. Just tell me what I need to do and I'll try my best to help you.”  
“Thank you, Doc. Computer, please replicate a plasma relay and an engineer’s toolbox.” She took both out of the replicator and made her way to one of the maintenance coverings next to the Doctor’s office. “We need to get into Jeffries tube 126. It’s right here.”  
With a screwdriver she opened the covering so they could both get inside.   
“The broken relay should be about 200 meters from here,” she said as they both went crawling through the tube.   
A few moments later they arrived at another covering, which Irina again took off so the defective relay was visible. Instead of glowing with blue plasma it was completely black.   
“I will now stop the plasma flow and then unscrew and remove this old relay. Then you have to help me with the new one,” Irina explained and the Doctor nodded.   
She removed the broken relay and gave him the new one.   
“Please hold this one in place while I fix it. Try to hold it still to avoid agitating the plasma.”  
“Whatever you say, Chief Engineer,” the Doctor answered and held the relay between the plasma tubes.  
Fixing the new relay was a bit of a tricky task because as soon as it was locked in place it could leak plasma and thereby contaminate the surroundings with irritant gas. The other factor that made it difficult was that Irina had to reach below the Doctor’s arms which not only meant working at a weird angle but also being very close to him. Especially the last aspect made her pulse quicken and her hands sweaty. She was so near to him that she could smell his scent and it drove her crazy. At that moment she cursed herself that she helped him program it. When she tried to screw in the first lock of the relay her hands were shaking. Of course the Doctor noticed it immediately.   
“Irina, what’s wrong? Didn’t you just say you’ve done this procedure a thousand times already?”  
“Yes I have,” she panted. “And if you let me do my work in peace I promise we will be done in no time.”  
Just seconds afterwards, the first half of the relay was fixed in place. For the second half however, Irina basically need to crawl below the Doctor’s torso to be able to reach the screws. She laid down on her back and pushed herself forwards. Now she was so close to him that her breasts touched his chest. She felt as if her heart would jump out of her body at any moment. Hopefully he didn’t notice. But at least now she could reach the relay easily. For a second she looked up to him, her gaze meeting his. And for a second her mind wandered off to when she had watched him at the Luau, lying naked on top of his holographic lover, his moans echoing in her ears, when he was about to reach climax. She gulped and she was certain her face must have become bright red by now but he didn’t say anything and just returned her gaze until she looked away, turning her attention back to repairing the relay.   
This was because the Doctor was equally lost in thought at that moment. Feeling Irina’s breasts pressing against his chest and her hot breath on his face recalled the vivid images of him dancing with Seven of Nine back at Sandrine’s. She had felt so warm and alive in his hands. It was just so very different from any figure on the holodeck. Genuine human interaction was something that could not be replaced by a holodeck figure that was programmed to please him. It needed a real person... He needed a real person... to relate to, to talk to, to touch and to have sex with. And in this very moment it became clear to him that this was what Irina wanted very obviously. He was still deeply in love with Seven of Nine, of course. But probably a little distraction would do him good. He had noticed some kind of tension building up between Irina and him during the last days. Tension that made working together awkward, just like in the current situation. Since he was now completely certain of what she wanted, he could as well make the first move. It couldn’t become any more awkward than that, could it?   
“There, that’s it,” Irina sighed with relief “I’m done. You can let go now.”   
The Doctor let go of the relay and offered her his hand to pull her up from the floor. She was now kneeling right next to him, out of breath and with her face reddened.  
“Is everything alright?” the Doctor asked her. “You look exhausted.”  
“Yes. Yes, I think I’ve just forgotten how hot it can be inside these Jeffries tubes,” she said, wiping the sweat off her forehead. “Let’s get out of here.”

***

Irina was much relieved that the Doctor didn’t question her further about her physiological reactions during the repair of the broken relay. It had been very hot in that Jeffries tube and the ambient temperature had nothing to do with it. She closed her eyes and in her mind she recalled the feeling of lying so closely below. This would be tonight’s daydream, she thought. Before she went to sleep she would imagine how it had been if she just had pulled him closer and kissed him, right there in the Jeffries tube. She opened her eyes and glanced at the clock in the lower right of the console. It was already 1812, her shift had been over since 12 minutes. Hastily she got up and turned to leave, glad that the Doctor hadn’t caught her daydreaming while at work.   
“See you tomorrow, Doc!” she called out to him as she walked past his office where he was sitting and staring at the computer screen.   
“Irina, wait a second,” he intercepted and got up.  
“Is there some more work to do?” she asked and looked at him with her eyebrows raised.   
“No. No, that’s not it,” he began, suddenly less confident as he thought he would be. “I wanted to ask you if you would like to join me at Sandrine’s this evening.”  
“Oh, another one of Tom’s parties? I didn’t know he-“  
“No, not one of those. Just the two of us.”  
Irina just stood there and stared at him as if he had suddenly turned into a bright pink tribble or something. Did he just ask her for a date? Was he serious? And was this even real or was she still daydreaming?   
“Wha-what?” was all she managed to stammer.   
“Would you like to join me at Sandrine’s this evening? Just the two of us?” he repeated softly.   
“Are- are you just asking me for a date?” she asked, looking at him in confusion.   
“I suppose I am,” he answered and smiled. “So what do you say? Will you join me?”   
“I- well... Yes, of course!” she blurted out, not being able to hold back a broad smile.   
“I’m delighted. Shall we meet at 2000 on holodeck two?”  
She nodded, unable to say a word.   
“Very well. See you then.”   
And with these words he turned around and got back to his office as if nothing had happened. On the inside, however, he was nervous, too.   
Irina on the other hand was the happiest woman in the whole Delta Quadrant at that very moment. When she went back to her quarters she could not help but grin the whole way through so that many crewmen she ran into gave her confused looks. But she didn’t care one bit. She had a date with the Doctor. An actual romantic date, not one of those they had as friends before. And with the Doctor. As she reached her quarters she closed the door behind her and sighed. She closed her eyes and imagined them sitting at a table at Sandrine’s, holding hands, then kissing, then embracing each other tightly, then... She took a deep breath to calm herself down. It was only two hours until their date and she hadn’t had a shower or decided on an outfit yet. She should better get going.


	27. 27

After trying out what felt like thousands of outfits Irina chose a light blue dress with a lot of cleavage. If this was her chance to impress him, she had to show all her benefits. Ten minutes before the date she started walking up and down in her quarters to pass time so she decided that she could as well start making her way to the holodeck. She was still five minutes early when she entered Sandrine’s, which was completely empty except for the Doctor who already awaited her. He was sitting at a table near the bar, wearing a purple shirt and a grey jacket. Irina had never seen him in this outfit but she found him to be very handsome in it. She felt her heart pounding in her chest already, although she hadn’t even started talking to him. He was staring at a holographic glass of wine on the table in front of him and had not taken notice of her yet.   
“Hey,” she wanted to say but what came out was hardly more than a whisper.   
He looked up to her and she could see his face brighten.   
“Hello Irina. I am glad you’re here,” he said and got up to greet her. For a moment they both did not know what to do but then he just gave her a quick hug. “You look gorgeous”  
“Thank you. I like your outfit, too.”  
“Even better than the pineapple shirt?”  
They both chuckled and it seemed like a bit of their nervousness started to fade slowly. They sat at the table and the Doctor poured another glass of holographic wine for Irina.   
“May I ask you something to begin with?” Irina asked and felt her nervousness come back.   
“Sure. Go ahead.”  
“Just to get this clear... This is a date date and not a friendship date, am I getting this right?”  
“Just as you wish.”   
Damn. That was a pretty clever way to avoid her question, she thought.   
“What do you think I wish for?”  
She could also play this game if that was what he wanted. He smiled and remained silent for a moment.   
“Earlier that week, when we were working together in that Jeffries tube... I did a scan later and found out that there was no significant temperature difference between inside the tube and sickbay.”  
Irina gulped.   
“What are you implying?” she asked naively.   
“That whatever caused your heart to race and your face to flush had nothing to do with our environment.”  
Irina looked down at her wine glass as if she could find a clever comeback to his statement in the dark red liquid.   
“Fine, I admit it,” she sighed. “It was because of you. As you might know I’ve been here on Voyager for a long time without any... intimate contact to anyone. Being so close to you was... making me nervous.”  
“Nervous?”  
“Nervous. Yes.”  
“I never thought my proximity could have such an effect on you. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?”  
“I don’t know,” she answered and she was actually being sincere.   
“What I mean is... how do you feel about me?”  
He really wanted to hear it from her mouth, she thought. But she wouldn’t make it that easy for him.   
“I don’t know,” she repeated, also because she figured that ‘I love you so much so please have sex with me now’ would have been a little over the top.  
They both fell silent for a few moments.   
“Why did you ask me out on a date? I mean, why me? And why now?” she asked all of a sudden.   
The Doctor was visibly uncomfortable with this question. He avoided her gaze, his eyes fixed on some random point on the table between them.   
“Because... I think... we both deserve to have a little fun,” he answered and lifted his gaze, now looking at Irina again. His hands were restless, playing with the stand of the wine glass.   
Irina stared at him in surprise. Wow, that was straight to the point, she thought. She didn’t even know what to answer since she had not expected such a statement from him. And with statement she basically meant such an indecent proposal.   
“I... I think... I could agree on that,” she said eventually, returning his gaze. The sexual tension between them was slowly becoming unbearable to her. Oh how she wished to kiss him, to touch him...   
He leaned back in his chair and smiled.   
“Now that we’ve got that out of the way... Do you wish to dance?”  
I’d do anything just to be near you, Irina thought but instead of saying anything she just nodded. They got up and the Doctor commanded the computer to play music. It was a smooth, romantic tune Irina didn’t know the name of. She took the Doctor’s hand and put her other hand on his shoulder. His hand was warm and dry while hers was cold and sweaty, but apparently he didn’t mind. She didn’t dare to look into his eyes so she just proceeded staring at his chest when they started dancing.   
He pulled her closer until her breasts gently touched his chest and his cheek almost brushed hers. Irina could feel the warmth of his face on her skin and his strong hand on her back. This was heaven, she thought. After a while they were just standing very closely, mainly rocking from side to side with the music, and finally Irina dared to lift her gaze and look into his eyes.   
She wanted to say something but suddenly her mouth was very dry, quite in contrast to the rest of her body, where moisture started to form in all imaginable places. Instead, he started speaking.   
“May I ask you a personal question?”  
Irina gulped. Yes I do love you, she thought.   
“Yes. Go ahead,” she answered with a shaky voice.   
“Why were you spying on me, back at the Luau?” he asked quietly, without any sign of anger or reproach.   
Irina was dumbfounded. She stared at him with her mouth gaping open.   
“Wha-what? You- you saw me?” She was now definitely panicking.   
“Yes. I saw everything.”  
Irina was frozen in place and within the blink of an eye her face turned bright red. Her gaze was still fixed on the Doctor but she could see the corners of her field of view getting blurry and her knees turned to jelly.   
“Hey, you won’t get out of this so easily,” the Doctor said and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly, until the wave of panic was over and she could stand on her own legs again. Slowly, her mind went back to functioning properly. She was more embarrassed than she had been ever in her whole life before. It was worse than going to Starfleet academy and forgetting to wear your pants. He had seen everything. Not only had he seen her watching him but he had also seen her pleasuring herself. And most of all, it was him who saw it. Exactly that one person who shouldn’t have known under any circumstances.   
“But... how?” she asked, again afraid to look him in the eyes.   
“I’ve told the computer to show me a holographic representation of the person on the balcony. And I recognized you. And what you were doing.”  
“God dammit!” Irina cursed. “I didn’t think of that. Please believe me that I am terribly sorry to have invaded your privacy in such an indiscreet way. If it were possible, I would undo all of it. I swear, it was one giant mistake and I am a complete idiot. If you hate me now, I totally-“  
“I’m not mad, Irina. Actually, I am flattered,” he said and his calm tone soothed her panic and embarrassment at least a bit. “I just want to know why you did that.”  
Now it was confession time, Irina thought. She could not make up any more excuses and if she was honest to herself she didn’t even want to anymore. He was supposed to know everything. After all, he was her friend. No matter how he reacted, at least then the truth would come to light.   
“It’s a very weird and embarrassing story,” she began. “But if you really want to know...”  
She did not want to look at him but neither did she want to stare at his chest all the time so she leaned her head on his shoulder. It felt very comforting. She hoped that he was still willing to comfort her after she ended her explanations.  
“The truth is, I fell in love with you quite some time ago. But I knew you only had eyes for Seven of Nine. So when I saw you with that woman on the holodeck I was hurt. I was hurt that you left me and I was jealous because I wanted what I couldn’t have. This was when I decided that all I had left were my daydreams. And so I watched you. Because this was as close as I could get to any intimate contact with you.”  
“You’ve had daydreams of me?”  
“Yes.” She cleared her throat. “And very explicit ones to say the least.”  
He seemed surprised.   
“And still you wanted to help me get involved with Seven of Nine?”  
“Yes, because you’re my friend. And I thought there was no chance for my anyways because you were so much in love with her.”  
He sighed.   
“To be perfectly honest, I still am.”  
“But now you’re here with me anyways?”  
“But now I am here with you anyways, yes,” he repeated. He was not sure what to make of this situation. Irina loved him but he loved Seven of Nine. If he had known about Irina’s feelings he would have never asked her out on this date in the first place. He thought she just wanted to have fun with a good friend. Now he was unsure if what they were doing was right. If he wasn’t just using her for his pleasure.   
“Now may I ask you something?” Irina interrupted his thoughts.   
“Yes. Of course. I think that’s just fair.”  
“Back when I gave you this massage... you stopped me. Why?”   
He gulped. If there was one thing he didn’t want to admit it was that an innocent massage from a friend had gotten him aroused because he thought that it was Seven of Nine massaging him instead.   
“I- I am afraid I cannot answer this question.” Now it was his turn to become nervous. Especially since Irina took his evasive reply as a challenge. She trailed her hand from his shoulder upwards to his neck, caressing the soft skin with her fingertips, just like she had done weeks before. He closed his eyes, enjoying her delicate touch.   
“Was it... because it turned you on?” Irina asked with a hoarse voice. As he didn’t answer she decided to become a little bolder. Instead of caressing him with her fingers she now started planting small kisses on his neck. At first only soft and feather-light but then they turned more passionate, her mouth slightly opened, tasting his skin. Oh God, not only did he smell good, he also tasted so good. Right now she was glad that she had helped him create that addition to his program.  
When he felt her wet lips and tongue on his neck, he inhaled sharply. This was when his sexual subroutines started to kick in, skipping all of his higher brain functions. He knew what they were doing was wrong. In his mind, it was not Irina kissing him, it was Seven of Nine. But instead of stopping her, he just kept his eyes closed to sustain the fantasy.   
“Perhaps... I got a little carried away,” he eventually answered and tried to keep his voice steady, but his holographic heart was betraying him and Irina could feel his pulse quicken. She let go of his neck and their lips met for a hungry, needy kiss. He imagined that it were Seven’s full lips resting on his and that it was her probing his mouth with her tongue. Oh yes, it felt so good, he thought. It actually felt that good that he noticed his pants getting tighter with every second. He had to stop this. But his matrix core was just not able to process any logical thoughts at the moment. Irina’s hands let go of him and wandered down his back to his buttocks. She squeezed them tightly, pushing his semi-hard erection onto her crotch and making him moan. As if this wasn’t enough, she started grinding her hips on his, the sweet friction increasing his arousal with every movement of hers.   
Irina also felt that she was more than ready to go a step further. Her slip was soaking wet and the sensation of his bulge pressing against her, the feeling of their tongues playing with each other greedily and the way he tasted were together almost enough to make her come right here and now.   
In his fantasy the Doctor relived his memory of making out with a holographic Seven of Nine on a holographic Cargo bay two, back then when Irina had interrupted them. In the beginning the holoprogam wasn’t even planned to end up in a sexual situation. But since the holofigure of Seven was programmed to please him, she very well knew what he wanted and their meeting took an erotic turn very quickly. It was back then when he noticed how deprived he had become of any kind of sexual interaction. It was when the holographic Seven kissing him and rubbing her body on him already brought him dangerously close to climax. In reality it was now Irina taking off his jacket and sliding her hands beneath his shirt, her touch leaving hot trails on his skin. However, in his mind he imagined her to be Seven. In the blink of an eye he was left without his shirt, Irina’s hands all over his back, his shoulders and his chest, as if she wanted to memorize the feeling of his body underneath her fingers. He in return felt for the zipper of her dress and opened it, which made it fall to the floor so that she was standing in front of him only in underwear. Then he broke their kiss to look at her. In the dim light of Sandrine’s her pale skin was almost glowing against the dark background of the bar. Her face, however, was red from arousal, her lips were slightly parted and swollen from kissing and she was panting heavily.   
“Please don’t stop,” she whispered hoarsely and with these words she brought him back to reality. Seven would have never said something like that. But she was not Seven, neither real nor holographic. She was Irina, his assistant and most of all his friend. What he was doing here was wrong. He could not sleep with her and fantasize it wasn’t her. He could not use her just for his own pleasure. She loved him deeply, that much he knew. At that moment she looked so vulnerable, standing in front of him almost naked, desperate and needy for his touch. She was like putty in his hands. He could do with her whatever he wanted. He could have sex with her now and he was sure it was going to be amazing. But it was not right. She loved him. But he did not love her. He had to stop. Now.   
Her hands were fumbling with the zipper of his pants when he put his hand on hers and stopped her.   
“I don’t think we should do this, Irina,” he whispered.   
“Are- are you serious?” she was flabbergasted. “What are you saying? You can’t tell me to stop now!”  
She continued to open his pants, ignoring his attempt to stop her. He grabbed her hand tighter to force her to stop.   
“Irina, please. Believe me. This is not a good idea.”  
“Is this some kind of silly joke?” she snapped at him, stepping back a few steps as if something had hit her in the chest.   
“No, it’s not. I am so sorry. Please. We should not do this.”  
“What are you talking about? You have invited me on this date, not the other way around! Now you’re throwing me away like a piece of garbage?”  
“Irina, please. That was never my intention. I wasn’t in control of myself. I’m sorry.”  
He tried to calm her down but she was furious and he couldn’t blame her for that. He had hurt her and used her and now he was letting her down. Again. On top of that he knew from his own experience that sexual frustration was one of the worst kinds of frustration and was able to turn a polite, friendly person into a complete madman. Or -woman.   
Irina put her dress back on, her hands shaking with anger.   
“Would you at least be so kind to tell me what the reason for your sudden change of heart is?”  
I was thinking of Seven of Nine while I was kissing you, he thought, but he was certain that this was neither the place nor the time to tell her. If he was going to tell her at all.   
“I think we shouldn’t discuss that now,” he answered sheepishly.  
“Oh, whatever,” she murmured, turning away from him to hide the tears in her eyes “Whatever kind of sick game you’re playing, I am out of it.”  
And with these words she stormed out of Sandrine’s and back to her quarters, where she threw herself on her bed, buying her head in her arms.   
What was he thinking? Why did he treat her like that? Why was he being such a giant asshole? How could he leave her in this condition? This was when she became painfully aware of her own physiological reactions to their contact, the tingling feeling in her groin and the urge to be touched. Her hand found its way under her dress and inside her slip and with only a few quick movements she came, remembering his scent in her nose and the taste of his mouth, which still lingered in her memory.   
Relieved from this excruciating pressure she felt her eyes once again watering with tears. The worst thing was that she couldn’t stop wondering if she had done something wrong. If it was her fault that the Doctor suddenly changed his intention. She thought back at their date but she just couldn’t figure out what she might have done, that made him change his mind. She wiped the tears from her eyes and hid her head under her pillow. If she knew one thing for sure, then it was that the following days of work at sickbay would become like running the gauntlet.


	28. 28

“Morning,” she greeted, not even giving him a glance, when she entered sickbay the next morning.   
He got up and followed her hesitantly. He felt the need to say something, to somehow make up for their catastrophic date the day before.   
“Irina?” he asked quietly.   
“What is it?” she snapped at him, not even turning around from checking the biobed sensors.   
“I just wanted to say that I am deeply sorry for what happened yesterday.”  
“So?” she finally turned around and looked at him with her eyes narrowed. “I hope you have a good excuse for what you did.”  
“To be honest, I don’t. I can just repeat, I wasn’t fully in control of myself.”  
“Then would you please at least tell me what was wrong?”  
He gulped.   
“I could tell you but I am afraid you will be mad at me afterwards.”  
She gave him a cold laugh.   
“Do you really think I could get any madder than I am right now?”   
He sat down on the biobed she was just checking, staring at the floor with his head and shoulders hanging. She studied him from the corner of her eyes. He actually seemed to feel bad as well.   
“Hey,” she said more softly and sat next to him. “Whatever it is, please tell me. Although at the moment I feel like I could just rip your head off I am still your friend. I need to know what’s wrong. Please.”  
He sighed and rubbed his forehead as if he was having a headache.   
“I am not sure how to put it. Or if I should tell you at all.”  
“Please just spit it out. It’s on me to think of a reaction afterwards.”  
He took a deep breath.   
“When we were... you know... I was fantasizing... about Seven of Nine.”  
There. He said it. The secret was out. His deepest secret.   
Irina stared at him with her brows furrowed.   
“You did what?”  
“As I said I knew you would be mad. All I can say is that I’m terribly sorry.”  
Irina shook her head.   
“Sometimes we have no control over our thoughts. Sometimes fantasies just come and go without us being aware of it. I don’t blame you for that. But why did you take me on that date then? Why didn’t you stop?”  
“I did. Just way too late. When I heard you say that you loved me I started having second thoughts. But then I already was too...”  
“Horny?”  
The Doctor looked at the floor sheepishly.   
“Well... yes, if you want to put it like that.”  
“And again I can’t blame you. I felt the same at that moment. I think we both have been alone for far too long.”  
He looked up and her gazes met for a few seconds. This time they were both hurt and lovesick but at least they knew that the other one felt the same and they both knew the reasons for it.   
“Sometimes I wish I could just redirect my feelings for Seven to you, Irina. It would make things so much easier for both of us.”  
“I can’t say I would object to that.”  
They both fell silent for a moment as the Doctor seemed lost in thought. When he started talking again his voice was hoarse and shaky.   
“Maybe... if I could go into my program and delete my memories of Seven, I would-“  
“No! Please. I don’t want you to mess with your memories only because of me. You’ve had such a great time with her. I remember how happy you were after you danced together at Sandrine’s. I don’t think you should forget about all of that. On top of that, I think you're her best friend. By deleting your memories she would lose you.”  
“Probably you’re right. I just find it hard to carry on like this.”  
Irina hesitantly lifted her hand and put it on his shoulder, squeezing it gently.   
“I am afraid there is no easy way out. Maybe you just need more time.”  
“I don’t know. Sometimes I wish she knew how I felt.”  
“Why do you think that?”  
“When I wanted to tell her about my feelings she turned me down before I could even start talking. Sometimes I think if she knew it would be easier for me. I think if she knew how I felt she were able to make a more... informed choice.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Back then, she made a list of all possible mates aboard this ship. I wasn’t even on the list. I don’t know why. Maybe she thought as a hologram I weren’t able to feel emotions such as love and attraction. I think if I had been on the list maybe she would have considered me.”  
He looked at Irina and saw the sympathy in her eyes.   
“It’s a vain attempt, isn’t it?” he asked.   
Irina sighed.   
“I am afraid it is. But if you think she needs to know you should tell her. Then you can at least know for sure how she feels. I mean then she can make a more informed choice, as you've put it.”  
“But I don’t know how. I can’t just go like ‘Oh, I know you don’t consider me to be even on your list of possible mates but I still wanted to say that I love you’. That’s ridiculous. And humiliating.”  
“Maybe I can talk to her.”  
“And say what?”  
“I don’t know. Maybe I can sound her out carefully?”  
The Doctor gave her a sceptic glance.  
”But probably that’s a dumb idea,” Irina added as she saw his reaction.   
He sat there for a while without saying anything, being lost in thought.   
“You know what,” he eventually said. “I have nothing to lose. If you think talking to her might help in any way – do it. Maybe you can find out what she sees in me. If she even considers me to be a man, like one made out of flesh and blood.”  
“I will try, Doc. If there is any way how I can help you, I will try it.”

***

When Irina stepped into the Astrometrics lab, Seven was standing at her console, absorbed in her work. As she heard Irina’s steps she turned around.   
“Ensign Irina Kozlova. Please state your intention.”  
“I... I want to talk to you,” Irina said and looked away sheepishly.   
“About what?”   
“About... the Doctor and you... and me.”  
“You’re feeling romantically attracted to him,” Seven said, not making clear if this was a question or a statement.   
Irina was dumbstruck. How did she know? Had someone told her? Tom maybe? But why should he?   
“How- how do you know?” she stammered.   
“It is very obvious. When you are near him your pupils dilate, you blush and you smile a lot more often. These are the typical signs of human attraction.”  
“Oh, I see,” Irina said and felt her cheeks blush. “And he... I mean... what do you think of him?”  
“You mean if I have these feelings for him? No, I don’t. He’s my best friend and I am glad to have him in my life. But there are no romantic feelings from my side. Although I know he wished it was different.”  
“Wait- what?” Again, Irina was flabbergasted. “You know? And still you didn’t consider him to be even on your list? Why? It is because he’s a hologram?”  
“No, this fact is irrelevant. It’s because he is not the type of man I am attracted to. I don’t think I could ever feel more than friendship towards him.”  
“The friend zone,” Irina murmured.   
“The friend zone?”  
“It’s a term from earth. It means when you want a relationship with someone else but they just want to be friends with you.”  
“Like you and the Doctor or the Doctor and me”  
Ouch, that hurt.   
“Well... technically... yes.”  
There was a moment of silence before Seven started talking again.   
“So what exactly do you want from me?” she asked.   
“To be honest, I don’t know. I know that the Doctor wanted to confess his feelings to you before but you told him immediately that there was no suitable mate for you on this ship.”  
“Yes. I wanted to spare him the embarrassment.”  
“Really? I think he didn’t understand that. He... he still thinks there is hope for you two, because he doesn’t know that you know about his feelings. He thinks if you knew you would maybe make a different decision.”  
Seven sighed and shook her head.   
“Human emotions are so inefficient and illogical. I will talk to him.”  
And with these words she turned on her heels and made her way to sickbay.   
“No! Wait a second!” Irina shouted and ran after her.


	29. 29

“Computer, activate the EMH!” Seven commanded and the Doctor materialized in front of her.   
“Please state the nature of the medical- oh, it’s you.” He looked from Seven to Irina and then back to Seven with a hint of panic. “What... what can I do for the two of you?”  
“We have to talk, Doctor,” Seven answered.   
“Oh... well... go ahead!” He managed a nervous smile.   
“It’s about your feelings towards me.”  
“I- I don’t know what you mean,” he stammered and gave Irina a killing glance.   
“She has not told me anything. I already knew it before. It was very obvious, Doctor. I might not be very experienced with human mating rituals but I am not blind. I’ve noticed how you were acting differently when I was around. I came to the conclusion that you were romantically attracted to me”  
“So... let’s assume this is true. Just... hypothetically.”  
“Hypothetically, of course,” Seven confirmed.   
“Why did you not consider me on you list of potential mates?”  
“It’s simple. It’s because I can’t imagine falling in love with you, Doctor. You are my best friend and I hope you will never forget that. But there is no possibility for me to develop romantic feelings for you.”  
“Not even a tiny-“   
“No. You are my friend but not more,” Seven stated matter-of-factly.   
Irina glanced at the Doctor who looked like all his hopes and dreams were just shattered into a thousand pieces. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want him to feel like that. She wished there was some hope left even if it meant that she could never have him. But what Seven said was clear. There was no hope.   
The Doctor opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but then he stopped and closed it again. There were a few moments of silence until he started to speak again.   
“Well... I guess... we’ve got this out of the way now. Thank you Seven for being honest to me. And thank you Irina. If you could now leave me alone for a while.”  
“Of course,” Seven answered and left immediately.   
“Are you sure?” Irina asked softly. He looked so vulnerable and lost at that moment. She just wanted to hug him and to comfort him.   
“Yes. Please,” he added after she did not move.   
“I am sorry Doc,” she said and reached out her hand to touch his arm but she stopped halfway, her arm just hovering in the air awkwardly. “If... if you need someone to talk to, I am always there for you.”  
“Thank you,” she heard him whisper but then she had already stepped out of sickbay. 

***

The following weeks Irina was worried that the Doctor could become as depressed as before again but it wasn’t the case. In the beginning he seemed to be lost in thought from time to time but apart from that he still was his usual self. She, on the other hand, kept up their professional distance. If there was one thing she was sure about then it was that she would never pressure him. If he did not want her then that was how it was. However, if he wanted her, he had to make the first move. She would just be his friend and be there for him. Sure, she still had her daydreams, but they were her private thing that she wouldn’t share with anybody else. Every day when they were together she was glad to see him and to be around him but that was it. They still spent some of their free time together but not as much as they did before. They had become old friends by now. Tom however, didn’t want to give up so easily.  
“Oh, come on, you’re giving up way too early! Did he say he doesn’t love you?” Tom asked Irina while she was having lunch with him and B’Elanna.   
“No, not in that exact wording.”  
“See? So there’s still a chance!”  
“He told me he loved Seven.”  
“Yes, sure. Whatever. She turned him down! So you're back at the start again.”  
“I don’t want to pressure him.”  
“Oh, pressuring is such a strong word. I’d call it persuasion.”  
Irina rolled her eyes.   
“How do you think I got my reputation with the ladies? Definitely not by giving up so easily. If I had given up like you do now, I would have never gotten together with B’Elanna. Sometimes you have to fight for the person you love!”  
“I don’t feel like fighting to be honest. We’re good friends. I don’t want to ruin that.”  
“Then do something harmless first. Like, give him a present or something. It’s the Doctor! If you’re nice to him and give him attention I am sure he will fall in love with you eventually.”  
“I have to admit, this actually doesn’t sound like a bad plan. I mean I also gave presents to you for your birthdays. It’s something friends do. If I can make him happy that way that’s definitely a good thing to do. Thank you, Tom.”  
“Always at your service!” Tom smiled triumphantly while taking another sip of his non-alcoholic Romulan ale.  
“The problem is the Doctor doesn’t have a birthday. So what reason should I choose for giving him a present?”  
“He does have a first activation date though,” B’Elanna objected. “Computer, when was the EMH first activated?”  
“It was the 10th of October 2371.”  
“Oh, that’s only a month from now. That’s what I call good timing. Do you already have an idea of what to give him?” B’Elanna asked.   
When looking down at her bowl of salad Irina actually got an idea. It was a very brave idea. But if there was something that would make him genuinely happy, that was it.   
“I actually have. But it will be a ton of work and I’d need your help, B’Elanna.”  
“What is it?”   
“I would like to give him a sense of smell and taste.”  
B'Elanna looked at her in surprise.   
“Wow... that’s a huge amount of effort. You’d need to program every single receptor by hand. This would take weeks, if not months. And then you’d have to implement it in his matrix which might prove difficult since it will take up a lot of data storage.”  
“Assuming I would do that. Would you help me?”  
“I think I would. You’d have to do the programming work yourself of course. I don’t have nearly enough time for that. But I could show you how it works in general.”  
“Thank you B’Elanna. Then let’s meet this evening in my quarters. I had better start as soon as possible.”  
B'Elanna nodded. 

***

In the beginning the Doctor thought, everything was now turning back to normal again. Although he still thought about Seven from time to time her rough words to him had helped him get over her slowly. Since now he could be sure there was no hope left for the two of them getting together he could gradually get through with it. However, he noticed that Irina seemed to have trouble. When she arrived for her shifts in sickbay she often looked very tired and exhausted. Sometimes she even was late for her shifts, which she had never been before, and once or twice she even fell asleep at work. He was starting to get seriously worried, but whenever he tried to confront her, she just waved it aside, saying it was nothing. Today it was another one of those days where she seemed exceptionally tired. He had told her to write the medical reports for the day but as he returned to his office to ask if she was done already, he could see her sitting in his office chair, her head lying on her arms on top of the desk and she was fast asleep.   
He sat next to her on the table and watched her, her chest rising and falling slowly in the rhythm of her breath. Her thin blonde hair was flowing all over her face, a strand of it flying up in the air every time she breathed out.   
He wondered what was wrong with her. Was it because of him? Had she become addicted to some kind of holoprogram? Or did she lack sleep because her lovesickness kept her awake at night? She looked so peaceful in her sleep. When she was awake she always seemed stressed but now that this pressure was apparently gone she looked rather relaxed with her eyes closed and her head resting on her arms comfortably. He had to talk to her. He had to know what was bothering her so much that she couldn’t even keep up with her day to day work. This was totally not like her. She always had been an exemplary worker. Always motivated, never late for shifts and most of all, never asleep during working hours. But he just didn’t have the heart to wake her up now. Instead, he continued to watch her sleep and a wave of affection and sympathy rushed through him. She was so young and yet so determined in everything she did. And she had completely fallen for him. What was it with intelligent women falling for him head over heels? What did she see in him? To most of the crew he was just a doctor, to some of them he was a friend. But for her he somehow was way more than that.  
He wanted to continue working and let her sleep but he just couldn’t avert his gaze from her face. Her small, upturned nose, her pale skin, her pink lips. Lips he had kissed before, he thought. Suddenly he felt the urge to touch her, to brush the hair out of her face, to caress her cheek. But he would never do that. He would never touch her without her consent.   
“Irina?” he said quietly.   
She jumped up and looked puzzled, still dizzy from sleeping.   
“What is- Oh, Doc. I’m so sorry. I must have dozed off for a second. I will continue working.”  
“This can wait, I want to talk to you about something.”  
Irina gulped.   
“Oh. What is it?”  
“You haven’t been yourself lately. You were late for your shifts, you fell asleep at work-“  
“I am very sorry, Doc. I promise this won’t happen again. If you wish to take any disciplinary actions-“  
“No, that’s not it. The truth is, I am worried about you. Something is bothering you, that’s rather obvious.”  
“I have to admit I have been under quite some pressure lately, but I am sure it will get better soon. Don’t worry.”  
“I just wanted to say that if you need any help... or if you need someone to talk to... you can always come to me.”  
Irina nodded.  
“Thank you, Doc. But I don’t need help. Just please have some patience with me. I am going to be fine, I promise.” She smiled and turned back to writing the medical reports. “And I promise I will finish this now without falling asleep.”


	30. 30

A week later the time had finally come. It was the anniversary of the Doctor’s first activation. Encouraged by Irina’s and B’Elanna’s efforts the crew had decided to give a surprise party for the Doctor in the casino.   
“Janeway to the Doctor,” the Captain said after pushing her communicator. “There is a medical emergency in the Casino. Please come here as soon as possible!”  
“I am on my way, Captain,” they heard the Doctor’s voice. But when he entered the Casino everything was dark.   
“Hello?” he asked into the darkness but there was no answer. Then, suddenly the lights went on and the whole crew cheered.   
“Happy activation day, Doctor!”  
He stared at them in surprise but then he smiled, visibly touched by their efforts. They had decorated the whole room and prepared a huge party for him with a lot of the crew members that were not currently on duty.   
“Congratulations, Doctor!” Captain Janeway smiled, patting his shoulder. “Please enjoy the party. We’re all here, celebrating only because of you.”  
“Thank you so much, Captain. I had never expected that. I’ve actually even forgotten the date...”  
“Don’t thank me, thank those three,” she pointed towards Tom, B’Elanna and Irina. “It was their idea. And I think Ensign Kozlova even has a present for you.”  
He looked at Irina, curious of what Captain Janeway meant since he could not see anything around that looked remotely like a present.   
Then, Irina took a PADD from behind her back and handed it to him.   
“Happy activation day, Doctor!” she said with a big grin.   
As his eyes grew wider with surprise when he scrolled through the thousands of lines of code on the PADD, her smile grew even bigger.   
“This... I know what this is...” he whispered, flabbergasted. “I- I don’t know what to say. Did you program all of that?”  
Irina nodded, full with pride of her thorough work.   
“I’ve had a little help from B’Elanna, but yes, I did all the programming work.”  
“You did that for me?” he still was at loss for words, staring at the PADD with his mouth open. “So that was why you were so tired during the last weeks. You were working on this here?”  
“Exactly. I hope you can forgive me my lack of concentration during that time. It really took a lot of effort.”  
“Of- of course. You had to program every single receptor yourself. This is incredible. How do I deserve that?”  
“You are my best friend, Doc. And you are a great person. You deserve all the happiness you can get.”  
Not caring about all the other crew members around them the Doctor stepped towards her and hugged her tightly. For a moment they both forgot where they were and how many people were around them. They hardly even heard Tom’s wolf whistle as the Doctor took Irina in his arms. He held her close for what seemed like an eternity but Irina did not mind that in the slightest. She felt his strong arms around her and the warmth of his holomatrix and in that very moment she was probably just as happy as he was.   
“Thank you so much, Irina,” he whispered in her ear. “This really means a lot to me”  
A second later he let go of her, while some of the crew members were still cheering. He noticed that her cheeks were blushed and she was staring at the floor shyly. This is really cute, he thought. She is really cute. 

***

“Irina?” he addressed her as the party had come to its end and most people had already left the Casino.  
“Yes, Doc?”  
“I again wanted to thank you for your incredible effort. As you can see I still can’t really believe that someone did something like that for me.”  
“Believe me, you deserve it,” she said and smiled.   
“There is one last favour I want to ask of you.”  
“Oh, what is it? I am always glad to help.”  
“Would you like to be my guinea pig to test your present?”  
Irina stared at him in surprise, although she was not exactly sure what he meant. Last time, she had way too high hopes and then she hit the ground hard. So this time she would keep her expectations low and just take things as they came.   
“Yes. Of course,” she answered “It would be a pleasure.”

***

Back in sickbay Irina was trying to implement the new code into the Doctor’s program. However, this time there was a problem with data storage space. Since the new subroutines included tons of biochemical data it was not possible to store all of them in the Doctor’s holomatrix.   
“I am afraid that if we want to implement this into your matrix we will need to remove some of your existing subroutines to gain enough storage space,” she told him as he was standing behind her on the console. “Don’t worry, they won’t be deleted. I will store them in the ship’s main computer instead. So the question is: Which ones should we remove?”  
“Hmm... Let’s just scroll through them real quick. I am sure I will find something that I don’t urgently need.”  
“Your singing subroutines?”   
“Oh no, please. I need them to concentrate on my work.”  
“Holophotography?”  
“I love this hobby, please keep them.”  
“Painting?”  
He sighed. “I am still hoping on becoming the next Picasso. Keep them, too.”  
“Your sexual subroutines?”   
“Well... you’d shoot yourself in the foot by removing them,” he said casually but Irina froze. What the hell did he just say? Had she heard that right? Was that something like an offer or an outlook into the future?  
“Please go on,” he ordered when she did not continue scrolling. He pretended that nothing notable had happened.   
“Your- your golfing subroutines?” Irina asked with a shaky voice.   
“Oh, I love golf.”  
“Yes, but if you removed them we could finally have an equal match. That would just be fair, right?”  
Again, he sighed.   
“I suppose you’re right. Fair enough, then. Remove them. I hope this gives us enough storage space.”  
Irina did what he asked for and indeed the regained store space was big enough to fit the new subroutines.   
“I am done,” Irina stated, still pondering about the words he said before. “Do you want to start?”  
The Doctor nodded. “Yes, please.”  
“Computer, start subroutine EMH 42 gamma and then re-initialize the EMH.”  
The Doctor vanished for a second and then reappeared. He took a deep breath, his eyes widening in surprise. It was the first time he could perceive the medicinal smell of sickbay, the smell of the carpet floors, the fabric of the biobeds, the slight plastic-like odour of the electronics. It was as if he saw everything here with new eyes, only that instead of eyes it was his nose. For him, there was suddenly another dimension added to his life, an aspect he had not been able to sense before. The whole new world of smell was lying in front of him, waiting to be explored. He turned to Irina, his eyes glistening in the dim light of sickbay.   
“Thank you so much. I don’t know what to say. This is the best gift anyone has ever given to me. I don’t know how I deserve this.”  
“It’s actually quite simple. You’re very important to me and you deserve to be happy. If I can do anything to make that possible, I’m in for it.”  
The Doctor just nodded, at loss for words. Slowly, he took a few steps towards Irina, until he was standing right in front of her. He moved his head closer to her, noticing a whiff of a sweet scent in his nose. It was coming from her hair. Was it some kind of shampoo or perfume? Or was it just her? He didn’t know yet. He put a hand on her shoulder, gently pulling her closer until her cheek touched his. Now he could also smell her skin, a warm and comforting scent, although barely noticeable. This was his new life now. That was what it meant to him. Never had he been closer to being a flesh and blood human than he was today. Now he could not only smell, but also taste. Of course he was still unable to eat but nevertheless there were a lot of other options...   
He glanced down at Irina who was staring at his chest nervously. For a moment he had the urge to press his lips on hers, to feel her and to taste her, but he stopped himself. Instead he raised his hand and gently brushed her cheek. Her skin felt hot against his fingers and she had blushed. She was still so in love with him, he thought. In the beginning he just wanted to try out the newest addition to his program with her. The reason, he told himself, was that she knew a lot about computer programming and that she was his friend and he trusted her. But he slowly had to admit that this was not his true intention. So there he was now, he thought. He, who had let her down twice before, was now standing here, falling in love with his assistant. What a weird twist of fate, he thought. Nevertheless, he was happy. He felt like there was a new adventure awaiting for him. A new part of his life, which he wanted to share with someone. With Irina, in particular.   
“You never fail to make me happy,” he said softly and gave her a light kiss on the cheek.


	31. 31

During the following weeks, Irina was not sure how to proceed. She wanted to know how the Doctor felt about her and if his kiss was only platonic or more than that, but she also didn’t want to push him. Actually, she was pretty positive that he felt more for her than just friendship. But if she asked him directly he would maybe be under pressure and not tell the truth. So she decided to once again reach out to another good friend for help.   
“How is life, Irina?” Tom asked her while they were sitting in the Casino for lunch. “Did you already have another date with the Doc? He seemed to be very fond of you at his birthday party. If you know what I mean.” He gave her a wink.   
“No, not yet. I am not sure how he feels about me.”  
“Oh to me that was very obvious.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, of course. I think everyone around was just waiting for him to kiss you.”  
“Well, he actually did, later.”  
Tom let out another wolf whistle.   
“And you’re still wondering how he feels about you?”  
“Yes. When I activated the newest addition to his program he was almost moved to tears. Then he gave me a kiss on the cheek.”  
“So?”  
“So I don’t know if it was a platonic gesture or not.”  
“A platonic gesture? Do you really think the Doc would do something like that?”  
“Not really. But I am still not sure.”  
“Then why don’t you just... ask him?”  
“That was my first thought of course. But I don’t want to pressure him. If I ask him he probably won’t tell the truth because he’s afraid of hurting my feelings or something. I don’t want another disastrous date like the one at Sandrine’s.”  
“I am still dying to know what went wrong.”  
“Don’t even try. I won’t tell you. It’s private. Anyways, as I said, this is why I don’t want to ask him.”  
Tom eyed her sceptically over his plate full of steak and potatoes.  
“Are you implying something?”   
“What? No. Of course not!” Irina answered with a defensive gesture.   
Tom sighed.   
“You want me to find out, right?”  
“Maybe. If you did I’d definitely owe you one.”  
“Fine, fine. Another exciting challenge for Tom Paris, Voyager’s official matchmaker. I am wondering when I am going to receive a Starfleet medal for that.”

***

“Hi Doc, I’ve got the samples from hydroponics you wanted.”  
“Thank you, Mister Paris. Please put them on the tray, I will take care of them.”  
“Can I help you with something?”   
The Doctor looked up from his computer, puzzled by Tom’s offer.   
“You’re asking to help me? I must be hallucinating. But if you insist... You can take a few milligrams of every sample and put them in test tubes, labelled of course.”  
“Aye, Sir,” Tom answered and started collecting the test tubes.   
“So how did you like your birthday- erm, I mean, activation date party?” he asked after a while.   
“I was flattered. Thank you so much for your effort. And especially Irina. It must have been a horrendous amount of work to do all the programming.”  
“Oh yes, she invested all her free time in it. We were already getting worried because she slept so little. She was slowly beginning to compete with Captain Janeway regarding coffee consumption,” Tom smiled. “So has she earned your affection by doing all of this for you?”   
“As you certainly know,” the Doctor answered aloofly, his gaze still fixed on the computer screen. “Irina and I have been close friends for quite a long time already. ”  
“That’s not what I meant. When you hugged her at the party it didn’t look like a hug you give someone that is only a friend.”  
The Doctor sighed in annoyance and looked up from his work.   
“So this is why you offered me your help? Because you’re curious about Irina and me?”  
“I want my friends to be happy, you know. Of course I care about how they are feeling.”  
“I appreciate that but my feelings for anyone are definitely none of your business.”  
“They are Irina’s business though.”  
The Doctor stared at him, puzzled.   
“So Irina asked you to find out how I feel?”  
“To be perfectly honest, yes, she did. And she will hate me for telling you.”  
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell her. I am just wondering why. Why doesn’t she ask me myself?”  
“Probably she doesn’t dare to.”  
“Maybe. But that’s not like her.”  
Tom took a deep breath, reluctant to share Irina’s most private worries and fears with the Doctor.   
“I... I think she’s afraid of asking you directly because she doesn’t know if you will tell the truth. Maybe she thinks you don’t want to hurt her feelings. I think she still has memories from your catastrophic date.”  
“She told you?” the Doctor asked disbelievingly.   
“Sadly not in detail, although I am of course curious. She just told me it didn’t go as planned.”  
“I suppose that’s true,” the Doctor said thoughtfully. “I will talk to her. Thank you, Mister Paris.”

***

Irina had almost finished her book and her glass of wine when the doorbell rang. Who was it that wanted to visit her so late? Was it B’Elanna?   
“Yes. Come in.”  
The door opened and she was surprised when saw the Doctor standing in the doorframe. He seemed nervous.   
“Oh, it’s you. I didn’t expect you.”  
“Would you mind if I come in?”   
“No of course not,” Irina said and grabbed the chair from her desk for the Doctor to sit down.   
“I am sorry that I am bothering you so late in the evening. But I wanted to talk to you about something. I hope I am not disturbing you.”  
“No, not in the slightest. I am always happy to see you. What is it you want to discuss with me?”  
The Doctor took a deep breath. Now it was time for honesty.   
“I... I’ve been talking to Mister Paris this afternoon.”  
“Oh,” Irina said as she realized what they might have talked about.   
“He told me that you wanted to know...”  
How I feel about you, he finished the sentence in his head, but he decided that was not what he was supposed to say.   
“...how we should proceed with our... our friendship.”  
“Oh,” Irina said again, lacking a more meaningful answer. “It’s true. That I’d like to know, I mean.”  
The Doctor shifted in his chair uncomfortably.   
“I know I have let you down before. Twice, even. So I don’t know if you still trust me enough-”  
“Of course I trust you! You are my friend after all. It was just a huge misunderstanding. I only wish to make it clear this time. Do you think... it could be more than friendship between us?”  
“Well, we kissed and we almost had sex so there is that.”  
“You’re not answering my question.”  
He gulped and avoided her gaze, staring at the wine glass on the table.   
“I think it could,” he finally whispered. Irina looked at him and their gazes met. He seemed so insecure and vulnerable. That was so much not like him. Usually he was very self-confident and extroverted but now that he was sitting there he seemed so lost. Irina felt the urge to comfort him and so she reached out and took his hand, squeezing it gently.   
“Thank you... for... having patience with me,” he said sheepishly.   
Irina smiled. “Sometimes having patience pays off in the end.”  
They both fell silent, not knowing what to say or to do next. Then Irina got an idea.   
“I guess you have never tried wine before, have you?”  
“No, of course not. How should I?”  
“Would you like to try some now?”  
The Doctor looked at her, perplexed.   
“As you might know, I can still not eat or drink. So how should I-“  
Instead of answering him Irina took a sip of the wine and then pressed her lips on his. In the beginning he was too surprised to react but then he opened his mouth and returned the kiss. The taste was phenomenal and not comparable to anything he had ever experienced before. But if he was being honest to himself it was not so much the wine that fascinated him but rather the taste of Irina’s mouth in together with the warm scent of her skin. She put her hand on his neck, pulling him closer, wanting more. As their kisses turned hungrier and needier he could feel his sexual subroutines jump into action. Taste and smell were such strong aphrodisiacs. Oh, how could he have missed that in all of his life before? He definitely needed to write a paper on his new experiences later.   
His thoughts were interrupted by Irina’s hands on his chest, opening his uniform jacket. He broke the kiss and took her hand in his.   
“As much as I would like to continue,” he began, his voice hoarse. “I think this time we should take it more slowly. If this is alright with you.”  
She took his hand to her face and kissed it, her lips hot and moist on his skin.   
“Maybe you’re right, Doc. Although I find it hard to let you go.”  
He looked in her eyes and saw love and affection but also lust and arousal. The way she gazed at him made him shiver. He was the man she was longing for. He was her object of desire. It was still hard to believe for him, but it was blatantly obvious now.   
“If you want we can meet tomorrow evening on the holodeck,” he whispered. “I’ve prepared a new program, just for the two of us.”  
She gave him a knowing look.   
“So?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. “I guess that’s an offer I can’t turn down.”   
Although she was trying to act cool he could sense the excitement in her voice. He smiled and gave her a kiss on the forehead, which felt hot beneath his lips.   
“Good night, Irina. Sleep well,” he said and turned to leave.   
She was reluctant to let go of his hand but she did let him leave after all.   
“Good night,” she whispered and then the door closed behind him.   
A new program, just for the two of us. She still heard his words echoing in her mind. This was what she had been craving for so long. Not only a date with him but also one with a very pleasurable outcome. She sat down on her bed, her fingers touching her lips as if she could recall the feeling of where he had kissed her.


	32. 32

When Irina was on her way to the holodeck she felt like being a teenager again. Young, insecure, nervous and most of all madly in love. As the holodeck doors opened, she was surprised to see sand on the floor and hear the distant sound of ocean waves. She took off her shoes and put them next to the holodeck doors. Walking through the palm trees she caught a glimpse of the ocean and the setting sun above.   
“Hello Irina. I’m glad you’re here,” she heard the Doctor’s voice from behind her.   
“Hey,” she said and smiled when she turned around and saw him. He was wearing a white shirt and blue shorts and was also barefoot in the sand. He looked really handsome, she thought.   
“How are you?” he asked.   
“Nervous,” was all she could answer.   
He stepped closer to her and took her in his arms. She leaned her head on his shoulder and tried to calm down her racing pulse.  
“No need to be nervous,” he said softly and held her tight. “I am your friend after all and I know you well enough. You can’t do anything wrong.”  
Irina said nothing but just stood there and enjoyed his embrace. It took a few moments but finally her heartbeat started to slow down and she became calmer. Of course she was still a bit nervous but he was right. He was her friend and this was something where they had an advantage over people who fell in love without really knowing each other. She knew she could trust him.   
“Thank you,” she whispered and let go of him.   
“Do you wish to take a walk?”   
Irina nodded and the Doctor took her hand and led her down to the beach. The sun was setting over the light blue, clear ocean and there was a slight breeze mitigating the tropical heat.   
“This is beautiful. What is this place?” she asked.   
“It’s the Saint Martin Island in the Caribbean Sea.”  
“Thank you for programming it for me... for us. When we get back to earth I’d like to go there with you.”  
He smiled. “It would be a pleasure.”  
They walked along the beach for a while, which was lit with decorated torches until they found a place next to the palm trees where a comfy looking blanket was spread out.   
“I want to show you something,” the Doctor said. “As soon as the sun sets we will be able to witness a beautiful phenomenon. It wouldn’t be me if I hadn’t thought up something very special for you. Would you mind sitting here for a while?”  
“Of course not,” Irina answered and they sat on the blanket together, her head leaning on his shoulder. She felt so safe here, she felt so safe when she was with him. He gave her security and comfort. She took his hand and squeezed it.   
“Look, there!” he said and pointed towards the beach. Where the waves were breaking on the sand Irina could see a faint blue glow that was gradually be coming brighter and brighter until it lit up the whole shore.   
“What is this?” Irina asked, staring at the blue glow of the water.   
“It’s bioluminescent plankton. A very rare phenomenon on earth. Usually it occurs only in deep waters. But with a little help of the holodeck we can witness it here. I hope you like it.”  
“It’s wonderful. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”  
She glanced over to him, the blue glow of the ocean reflected in his dark eyes. He had programmed all of this just for her. She was flattered. In the beginning she had not been sure if his feeling for her were as strong as hers. But he really went the extra mile for her. And he said there could be more than friendship between them. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she could trust him. Finally she could let go of all her fears of being rejected.   
She snuggled up to him and he put his arm around her. The smell of the ocean and the sand mixed with his scent made her feel like she was in heaven.   
Sadly, after only a few minutes the glowing plankton faded and was slowly washed back into the deep black of the ocean. Since the sun had set already and its warming light was now missing Irina felt a chill.   
“Are you cold?” the Doctor asked as he felt her shiver.   
“Yes, a bit.”   
“There is a house next to the beach. We can go there, if you want.”  
Irina nodded and they made their way through the palm trees, up to a small hill, illuminated by even more torches, where they found a cute little house with a glass front. When they entered, Irina sat on the bed and snuggled under a soft, fluffy blanket. She looked around, curious. The house was fully decorated and very detailed. There had been a lot of programming work going into it.   
“I still don’t know how I deserve that you programmed all of this for me,” she whispered.   
“Oh, I think you have been waiting long enough to deserve more of my attention.”  
The Doctor sat next to her on the bed and as she offered him the blanket he accepted and laid his arm around her. For a while there was silence and they were both just enjoying each other’s proximity but eventually the Doctor spoke again.   
“How long have you been having these feelings for me?”  
Irina gulped. This was not something she was very eager to talk about. But she remembered his words from before, that she could trust him and could do nothing wrong.   
“It actually was back then when I caught you and Seven on the holodeck. I mean the holographic Seven.”  
He just studied her and didn’t say anything as if he expected her to continue talking.   
“Before that, I didn’t see you as a man.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I didn’t know you were capable of such feelings. Like... love and... sexual attraction.”  
“Well, in the beginning I wasn’t. But I’ve expanded my program further and further over time.”  
“And today you're one of the most human crew members I know.”  
“Really?”  
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”  
The Doctor looked at her, touched by what she said.   
“I have never told anyone but... in the beginning I would have done anything to be human, not to be made just out of photons and force fields. I thought I wasn’t good enough.”  
Irina remembered when she had helped him with his efforts for Seven and how sad he was that he could, in his view, not compete with the flesh and blood crewmen.   
“To me you are perfect,” she said softly and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You are kind and caring and such a sensitive and emotional person. I’ve actually never met a man like you before.”  
He pulled her in his arms and held her close.   
“Thank you, Irina,” he whispered. “You’re the first person to say something like that to me.”  
“Oh, people don’t know what they’re missing,” Irina said and pulled back slightly to look into his eyes, her hand caressing his cheek and then trailing down his chest, where he had left the first few buttons of his shirt open. “Plus, you are very handsome.”  
“This, of course, I knew already,” he grinned.   
Irina leaned towards him until their lips met in a light kiss.  
“I think you have been fantasizing about me for long enough,” he said as they broke the kiss. “Now I am all yours.”  
“I promise, you won’t regret it.” Irina smiled and pulled him down on the mattress with her. She buried her face on his neck, brushing over the soft skin with her lips, leaving kisses here and there, while her hands unbuttoned his shirt. Immediately she could feel her body react to his close proximity. Again, her heart started beating faster, only that this time it was not caused by nervousness but by arousal. After he had gotten rid of his shirt she started exploring his naked skin with her hands, feeling the soft curly hair on his chest, down to his belly until her hands went up his back again, pulling him close. She had of course seen him naked before, during her adventure at Neelix’ Luau, but only from far away. This time she could not only see but also feel him. Involuntarily, the pictures of him having sex with the holographic woman popped up in her mind. This time it would be her, she thought and just the knowledge of this sent shivers down her spine and intensified the pulsating sensation in her groin.   
Quickly, she pulled her dress over her head so that she was lying in front of him only in her slip. Of course she had chosen her clothing with efficiency in mind, so no bra was the obvious choice. She hugged him tightly, enjoying the warmth of his body and the new, exciting skin to skin contact.   
Their lips met again, this time in a hungry, needy kiss. He breathed in sharply as she started caressing his nipples with her fingertips. His hands travelled over her back and her shoulders to her breasts, but when he touched her, she flinched. The touch of his fingers sent an electric spark through her whole body, concentrating at that one point between her legs.   
“Is everything alright? Should I stop?” he asked, concerned.   
“N-no, please don’t stop,” she answered with a hoarse voice. “It’s just that... I’ve played through this scenario like a thousand times in my mind. And now that it’s become reality I am a little... overwhelmed.”  
“Oh, I see. I will take it slow-“   
“No, please don’t. Please don’t take it slow,” she begged. “Please don’t let me wait any longer.”  
He nodded and took off his pants, then he pulled down her slip, which was already soaking wet. He could see moisture glistening between her legs.   
She had been waiting for this moment for so long. So many times she had fantasized about sleeping with him, in so many different situations. But still, seeing him and actually feeling his naked skin on hers was completely different. The sensation in her loins was now almost painful. She needed him inside of her. She needed relief. Now.   
When he laid on top of her and his hot erection touched her thighs she pressed her hips against him in a primal instinct. He looked at her, she was panting, her cheeks were deep red and her blonde hair was a mess.   
“Please,” she whispered once again and wrapped her legs around him, pulling him close. She was so ready for him. Her need was becoming unbearable.   
Slowly he slid inside of her, never averting her gaze. Her eyes widened in pleasure as he entered her and he could feel her hands clenching his shoulders. She felt so hot and wet. He actually never had sex with a real, non-holographic human before, he remembered. This was very different from the experiences he had on the holodeck. She was a real person with her own will, not someone who was programmed to please him. Still she was yearning for him so badly and craving for every touch of his skin. He felt a shiver run down his holographic spine. This fact, together with the friction created by his movement inside of her was almost too much for his processors to handle.   
When he was all the way inside of her, a low guttural sound escaped his mouth.   
“Oh God, yes,” Irina whimpered, using her legs to pull him even deeper in. She was already so close to climax although he had hardly moved. She looked up at him, his eyes closed, his brows furrowed and his mouth gaping open slightly. He was also struggling hard for self control, she noticed. And good Lord, did this turn her on.   
He pulled back a little, then slowly pushed inside her again, centimetre by centimetre. She bucked her hips against his, wanting him to move faster, but he did keep his pace. When he felt her muscles contract around him, he knew she was about to come any second. He slid inside her a third time and watched her moan and squirm below him as she came hard, her limbs shaking and her fingernails digging into the skin of his shoulders. In this moment he also couldn’t hold back any longer. With a few quick thrusts he brought himself closer and closer to climax until he came inside of her with a deep groan. For a second he felt his mind black out as his sexual subroutines took over. Then he was back again, lying on top of Irina, dizzy from the aftermath of his orgasm.   
He buried his head on her neck, feeling her chest rise and fall quickly, as she tried to catch her breath. Her hands trailed over his back, his shoulders and up to his head, where she ran her fingers through his dark brown hair. They both just laid there, enjoying each others proximity for a few moments.   
“I... I guess I needed that pretty badly,” she said after a while of silence, still somewhat out of breath.   
“Mhm...” was all he could answer, still not being able to think clearly.   
“I think we should do this more often.”  
“Oh yes,” he answered, kissing the soft skin of her neck.   
“This was you first time, wasn’t it?”  
“What do you mean?” He looked up at her in confusion, his mind slowly starting to function again.   
“With a flesh and blood human, I mean.”  
“Well... Yes, I think it was.”  
“How did you like it?”  
“Hmm...” he said and smiled. “I think the results were very satisfying, creating the necessity for further studies.”   
Irina chuckled and gave him a light kiss on the lips.   
“For science, I guess?” she asked, caressing his cheek and then trailing her hand down his neck, to his chest.   
“For science, of course.”


	33. 33

When Irina stepped through the doors of sickbay the next morning she could already hear the Doctor whistle from the other side of the room.   
“Oh, is someone in a good mood today?” she smiled.   
The Doctor came over to her with a big grin and for a second they were both unsure how to greet each other but then he turned away to one of the biobeds to prepare it for their first patient.   
“In a very good mood, indeed,” he said without looking at her. “I had a wonderful date yesterday.”  
“Sounds fun. With whom?” Irina asked, willing to join his little game.   
“With a stunning young woman. Smart, passionate, beautiful...” He sighed, lost in thought for a moment, then he continued working on the biobed sensors.   
“So how did it go?”   
“It was phenomenal. First we took a walk on the beach. Then we watched the ocean waves together. And then... well... we had sex,” he added proudly.  
Although this whole conversation was just a joke Irina noticed the effect it had on her. She still remembered the last night so vividly. Even though she could only see the Doctor from behind when she looked at him her mind recalled the images of him lying above her, below her and how she clasped his shoulders when she came for the umpteenth time. At some point she had stopped counting.   
“Very interesting,” Irina began, trying to sound casual. “I suppose asking how it was would be indiscreet?”  
He turned around with a cheeky smile on his face.   
“Let’s just say it was very... satisfying. But I am afraid for more details you’ll have to rely on your imagination.” With these words he turned back to his work again.   
Irina chuckled and shook her head, pushing away the inappropriate memories he had just provoked once again. She left him alone to his work and sat at the desk, checking today’s appointments. It was another check-up day which meant that they had a lot of patients, a lot of routine work and very little time for themselves. Irina sighed. This was slowly turning into a test of self-control then. 

***

Irina was glad when it was finally time for lunch break. The morning had been cramped with appointments, just as she had expected. The Doctor and her could hardly keep up with the reports that needed to be prepared and indeed they had almost no time for themselves. And even if they had a few minutes it was only a matter of time until the next patient stepped through the doors of sickbay so there was no room for privacy whatsoever.   
“Would you mind if I have lunch here?” she asked the Doctor, wishing to spend at least her break in his company.   
He looked up from the computer.   
“Oh, of course not, as long as you don’t decide to eat from one of the biobeds. Actually, it would be a pleasure. Sadly I will have to finish this report here so I am afraid I am not the most entertaining company.”  
“Don’t worry. I am just glad to spend time with you.”   
A warm smile brightened his face but then he turned back to the computer screen. Irina got up and took her lunch from the replicator.  
When she sat down at the desk and started eating, she could see his gaze flickering towards her and the bowl of white porridge with bright red berries she was having for lunch.   
“Oh, do you want to try?” she asked, offering him her spoon.   
“You want me to lick your spoon? Isn’t that unhygienic?”  
She looked at him with one eyebrow raised and he remembered in what places his mouth and tongue had been the other night.   
“Well... probably that’s not so important anymore,” he added, took her spoon and licked it, enjoying the sweet taste of the unfamiliar dish. “Oh, it’s nice. What is it?”  
“It’s Kasha, I would describe it as Russian porridge. It’s usually a quick meal eaten for breakfast but I am not very hungry today, so it’s good enough for lunch.”   
He nodded and tried to focus on his report again, but the impressions of the night before kept getting into his way. He caught himself having very explicit thoughts about what to do with the rest of the lunch break, but he pushed them away as quickly as possible. Still, he had only managed to write one sentence when he saw Irina get up and take the empty bowl back to the replicator. He rubbed his eyes and stared at the screen again. Since she was gone for a moment it was a lot easier for him to concentrate. He started writing about Ensign Vorik’s biomarkers and neural patterns and became so absorbed in his work, that he hardly noticed Irina coming back and stepping behind him. She gave him a kiss on the head and rested her hands on his shoulders, gently kneading them. In the blink of an eye all of his carefully regained concentration was gone again. He noticed that he had reread the same sentence for five times already without understanding anything of its meaning.   
Irina buried her nose in his hair, breathing in his scent, which provoked very inappropriate pictures in her mind. In her fantasy they were both naked and she was embraced in his arms, her back against the office wall, while he was holding her up and thrusting into her forcefully. She felt moisture form between her legs. Although the last night had been very satisfying, the yearning for him was back already, now even stronger than before. His report could wait, she thought. There were more important things to do now.   
The Doctor had eventually given up on writing his report when he felt Irina kiss his neck, her mouth hot and wet on his skin. The numbers on the screen had now completely lost their meaning. He was staring at them but in his imagination he was back in the house on the beach with Irina, lying next to her skin on skin, her hands all over his body. He exhaled slowly and laid back his head as she slid her hands down his chest and under his uniform jacket. Her fingertips softly brushed over his nipples through his thin Starfleet undershirt. He felt his sexual subroutines jump into action, making him shift in his chair tensely. His gaze flickered to the sickbay doors. Although their next appointment wasn’t due until 20 minutes later anyone could enter sickbay anytime in case of an unforeseen illness or a medical emergency and then they would find the Chief Medical Officer in a very delicate situation with his assistant... He got up and turned around to Irina, taking both of her hands in his.   
“You do know that sexual relations during work hours violate Starfleet regulations, don’t you?” he chided her.   
“Yes, I do,” Irina answered, gazing up to him. The way she looked at him drove him crazy. It was that mixture of desire and admiration that made his self control crumble and prevented him from thinking logically.  
“And I don’t care,” she added and started kissing his neck again, wandering up to his face, sucking in his lower lip.   
“But... but we could get into serious trouble if... if someone sees us.” His voice was shaky and his sentence was interrupted by her kisses.   
“So do you want me to stop?” Her hands opened his uniform jacket, running over his chest greedily.   
“That’s... that’s not what I said.”   
Irina took this as a “no” and pressed her lips onto his, her tongue demanding entrance into his mouth. It took only a second and his last resistance was broken. He returned her hungry kiss while his hands found their way to her buttocks, slowly sliding downwards to the source of damp heat between her legs. She buckled her hips so that he could reach her better.   
Irina felt a lustful sting in her loins when his strong hands caressed her most sensitive spots and his hot breath brushed her neck. She loved it when he got aroused because of her. It made her proud. He, who was usually so self-controlled and sometimes even aloof, was being seduced by her here in sickbay, where they were supposed to keep professional distance.   
Slowly, her hands found their way down his chest to his pants, where she felt something hard and hot pressing against the inside of his uniform pants. With a smile she noticed that he was rock hard already. Oh, it was so easy for her to turn him on. She started stroking him through the thin fabric of his pants, making him moan into her hair. Again, her thoughts wandered off to different places, where they were both naked and he was inside of her, giving her relief from the almost painful feeling in her groin.   
“Oh my, I am so sorry!” she suddenly heard a voice from the sickbay entrance and immediately let go of the Doctor in shock. It was Neelix who had apparently stepped inside without them noticing him. She wondered if he had been watching them and if he had, for how long. The Doctor quickly sat down at his desk, to hide the very obvious sign of his arousal.   
“Mister Neelix, I am sorry. You shouldn’t have witnessed-“ he began, but Neelix interrupted him.   
“Don’t worry, it was my fault. I was here way too early. I will be back in ten minutes.” He smiled nervously and left sickbay again.   
Irina and the Doctor looked at each other for a moment without saying anything, until Irina started to speak.   
“Maybe... that was not my best idea.”  
“No, maybe not. I think we’ve learned a lesson today. We should keep professional distance, at least when we’re at work.”  
“I guess you’re right. It’s just that... it’s not easy.”  
He looked at her and the urge to embrace her and to kiss her came over him again.   
“I know.”


	34. 34

“Mister Neelix, you are still a healthy man, but your blood cholesterol and your blood pressure are borderline high. You should eat less and exercise more,” the Doctor told him after he had finished his examination.   
“Oh, I would love to, but sadly I don’t have such a cute and charming assistant to exercise with as you have,” Neelix smirked and both Irina and the Doctor flushed bright red.   
“Mister Neelix,” the Doctor began and Irina could see that he actually felt guilty about what had happened. “I am terribly sorry that you caught us in such awkward... circumstances. I do know that this was highly unprofessional and if there will be any measures of punishment for violating the Starfleet regulations on-“  
“Doctor, relax! I won’t tell anyone.” Neelix slapped the Doctor’s back, making him flinch uncomfortably. “We’re here on a long journey and both of you are working very hard to keep all of us healthy. And I know we’re not always the most compliant patients... So I think you deserve to have a little fun, too! If you want, I can write the two of you a holoprogram to-“  
“Thank you Mister Neelix, but I think this is not necessary. I would, however, be very thankful if there wasn’t too much gossip about this... situation.”  
“I promise, Doctor! My lips are sealed!” He made a gesture as if he would close a zipper in front of his mouth, then he left sickbay.   
“I just hope he can keep a secret,” the Doctor sighed but Irina had to admit that she wasn’t quite so sure about that. 

***

“Just try it, I will spot you,” B’Elanna said and pointed towards the barbell.   
Irina looked at the weights and gulped. Since she worked at sickbay she had let herself go way too much. She had spent a lot of her holodeck time with the Doctor instead of training with B’Elanna and now it showed. If she was being perfectly honest to herself, right now she would rather be here with the Doctor but B’Elanna accepted no excuses. And Irina was sure the training would do her good and offer some distraction. And a way to release the excess energy.   
She laid on the bench and tried lifting the barbell, but she was only able to do three repetitions.   
“You’ve gotten weak,” B’Elanna chided her. “Come on, you can do a few more.”  
“You know, I’ve had other things on my mind,” Irina wheezed and then pushed up the barbell once again.   
“The Doctor, right?”  
“Yes,” was all she managed to spit between two pushes.   
“I am curious, how was he?”  
Surprised, Irina lost her focus for a second, making the barbell slip out of her left hand. B’Elanna grabbed it single-handedly and laid it on the floor. Irina stared at her, confused and jealous. No matter how hard she trained, she would never be a match for the half klingon. But what bothered her even more was B’Elanna’s question.   
“What?” she asked irritatedly, sitting up on the bench.   
“I asked how he was. You know, in bed. Or should I rather say in Cargo Bay 1?”  
“Cargo Bay? What are you talking about?”   
“Tom told me that Harry told him that Neelix saw you two in a compromising situation in Cargo Bay 1. You were seeming to enjoy yourselves.”  
Irina furrowed her brows. Of course, Neelix couldn’t keep a secret. But at least he had changed the location to not get them in trouble. At least that was something to be thankful for.   
“To be perfectly honest it wasn’t Cargo Bay 1, it was sickbay.”  
“You two had sex during your working hours in sickbay? Are you serious? You could get in trouble for that!”  
“We didn’t have sex. But I have to admit we were close. Neelix caught us.”  
B'Elanna let out a wolf whistle.   
“Very much in love, huh?”  
Irina felt her cheeks flush. “Yes,” she murmured.   
“But you had sex before, right?”  
Irina nodded, slowly getting uncomfortable with B’Elanna’s indiscreet questions.   
“So how was he?”   
“Why are you so curious?”  
“I don’t know. I just can’t imagine him... you know... having sex.”  
“Oh, don’t worry, you don’t have to. Leave this to my imagination.”  
“Haha, very funny. Details Irina, details!”  
Irina sighed. “Let’s just say he knows what he is doing.”  
“So it was good?”   
“It was... very good, yes.”  
“So good that you couldn’t keep your hands off of him during working hours?” B’Elanna laughed.   
“What? How do you know that it was my idea?”  
“Because I know you, Irina. And I know the Doctor. He would definitely stay professional. But you’re currently acting like a Vulcan during Pon Farr.”  
Irina gave her a killing glance. “It’s easy for you to talk. You’ve got Tom. But I’ve been alone since we’re here in the Delta Quadrant.”  
B’Elanna turned serious again. “Okay, you’re right. Have whatever fun you want to have. I just ask you to be careful. Gossip spreads fast on this ship and I don’t want you getting into trouble.”  
“Aye, Ma’am,” Irina sighed, annoyed.   
“And be careful with the Doctor. He can be a real douche sometimes.”  
In this moment the door chime of the holodeck door was heard.   
“Yes, come in!” B'Elanna yelled and the Doctor stepped inside.   
“Oh, am I interrupting you?” he asked, looking around at the gym equipment.   
“No, it’s fine,” B’Elanna answered. “I was just about to leave anyways. Next week, same time?”  
“Sure thing!” Irina nodded.   
“Now I better give you two some privacy. Just don’t overexert yourself, Irina.” B'Elanna smirked and left the room, passing by the Doctor who gave her a very confused look.   
“What was that supposed to mean?” he asked Irina.   
“Oh... Neelix couldn’t keep a secret.”  
The Doctor rubbed his forehead and sighed. “This is not good news. I am sure the Captain will wish to talk to us. Maybe there will be-“  
“No, it’s not that bad,” Irina began and got up from the training bench. “Yes, he told everyone but at least he altered the story a little bit. He said he caught us in Cargo Bay 1.”  
“I see. That is still embarrassing enough but at least no violation of Starfleet regulations.”  
“I am afraid there will still be lots of gossip.”  
“I suppose so. We should be more careful from now on.”  
For a moment there was an awkward silence between them. Although the Doctor tried not to stare at her he noticed that her sweaty hair, her pink cheeks and the fact that she was only wearing shorts and some kind of tight sports bra made him involuntarily remember the last night in vivid details. He wondered how she had been the rest of the day, after Neelix had interrupted them during lunch break. On his part he found it hard to concentrate on his work while he was having these kinds of thoughts.  
“Is something wrong?” Irina interrupted his thinking.   
“No. Nothing. I was just...”  
“Fantasizing?”  
“Well... to be perfectly honest... yes.”  
“I can tell you at least you’re not the only one. I couldn’t wait for our holodeck time together. How long do we have?”  
“Almost one hour. Actually, I wanted to create a romantic holoprogram for us...”  
“...and I wanted to take a shower and get dressed. I guess our second date is going to be much less romantic than the first one. Should we go to my quarters instead?”  
“Oh, I think I've got a different idea. I want to show you something. Computer, run program EMH beta 16.”


	35. 35

The gym vanished and the familiar grey of Voyager quarters appeared. Irina was confused. She had expected many things, but spaceship quarters were not one of them.   
“What... where... is this?”  
The Doctor seemed hesitant to answer.   
“These are... my quarters.”  
“You’ve got quarters?”  
“Well, technically I don’t. Since I am a hologram Starfleet does not intend to provide me with own, real quarters. So I created some myself.”  
Irina looked around in the room and noticed a lot of medical literature and a glass model of the human DNA but also paintings of landscapes and country sceneries, golf equipment and some kind of old-fashioned, technical device that she assumed to be a record player.   
“What do you say? Do you like them?” the Doctor asked after she had not said anything for a while.   
“Yes. Yes, very much. You’ve put a lot of effort into them. Way more than most other crewmen do.”  
“I suppose it’s my way of trying to feel at home here.”  
“You don’t feel at home?”   
“I do. In some sense. But on the other hand I am reminded every day that I am not one of you.”  
Irina remembered when he had told her that he felt like he was not good enough. He always seemed so confident that she sometimes almost forgot his struggles.   
“What is it that reminds you?”  
“First of all, this here.” He took the mobile emitter from his arm and put it into a box next to the door. Now that they were on the holodeck he didn’t need it any longer. “It’s my greatest treasure but also my greatest curse. It’s like a stigma that shows everyone I am different from the other crewmates.”  
“I didn’t know you felt like that.”  
“How should you have known? I’ve never told anyone. I’ve also never shown anyone these quarters.”  
Irina stepped towards him and took his hands. “Thank you for showing me. Thank you for letting me become a part of your life. It really means a lot to me.”  
He looked at her and in this moment she reminded him of Kes so much. Kes had been the first person to be nice to him. She had shown him that he was worth something, that he was more than just some emergency computer program. In the end he even thought he loved her. Not necessarily in a romantic way but definitely in some way. But then, suddenly, she was gone and he had never told her how much she meant to him. He would not make the same mistake again.   
“I love you, Irina,” he whispered and took her in his arms.  
“I love you, too.” She squeezed him so tightly that he was sure a human man would have complained about it already, but he had not felt so content in a very long time. He did not need to hide his fears and weaknesses from her. She knew all of them already, yet she still loved him.   
After a while she looked up to him and her lips met his for a soft kiss. Their tongues touched, gentle but also curious for more. Suddenly, the heat from today morning was back and Irina felt the yearning for his hands on her body, for his naked skin on hers. Her kisses turned needier, wanting to taste more of him, but then she broke the kiss and looked at him.   
“Have you ever used this bed before?” she asked, slightly out of breath, and nodded towards the grey satin sheets.   
“No, there has never been an occasion.”  
“Should we change that today?”   
“Oh, it would be a pleasure.”  
She took his hand and led him to the bed.   
“Just relax and let me take the lead this time, okay?”   
He nodded and laid flat on his back, enjoying the feeling of her weight when she sat on top of him, her hands slowly opening his uniform jacket. As a precaution she took both their communicators and put them on the bedside table, however, she deeply hoped that nobody disturbed them.   
“Just let me help you with that really quickly” he said and Irina gave him a questioning look.   
“What do you mean?”  
“Computer, remove the EMH’s clothes.”  
Within the blink of an eye he was completely naked and Irina stopped for a second.   
“Wow, that is... convenient. I should keep that in mind.”  
“Well, there has to be some advantage to my... condition.”  
“There are a lot of advantages,” Irina whispered while planting kisses on his neck and his chest, slowly moving down towards his nipples. She felt the curly hair on his chest tickle her nose as she sucked them in gently, making him inhale sharply.   
“Irina?”  
“Yes?” She looked up to him, wondering if she did something wrong.   
“You’re definitely overdressed for the occasion.”  
“You’re right,” she said briefly but on the inside she was flattered that he was so keen on seeing her naked. Quickly she got rid of her clothes, allowing him to look at her in the dim light of the quarters. She kneeled above him, her hands making their way down his belly to his groin, where she started stroking him very slowly.   
“Oh... yes,” he sighed, buckling his hips to mirror her movements. She loved to see him like that, she loved to see him aroused. He was always so vocal about his pleasure. It was so different from all the men she had been with before. And she loved to turn him on and to tease him.   
She took one finger to carefully touch his tip, spreading the clear liquid that had formed.   
“Does that feel good?”  
“Mmh...” was all he could answer, his eyes closed and his brows furrowed. He was completely lost in the feeling she evoked within him. Looking at him Irina’s insides twisted from the ache for feeling him inside of her.   
“Do you want to be inside of me?”  
“Y-yes, very much.” He tried to keep his voice steady but that was definitely stammered.   
She used her hand to guide him to her entrance and lowered herself onto him, making them both moan at the same time. Then she started riding him, slowly and gently in the beginning but she quickly increased her pace, impatient to further delay her own relief.   
“I’m afraid I won’t last long like this,” he gasped, looking up at her, her face reddened and her hair messy.   
“Please don’t hold back. I want to see you come.”  
A few moments later she heard him groan and felt him twitch deep inside her. She felt the wave of her own orgasm nearing and continued moving, making him squirm below her, until she finally was overwhelmed by her own lust and climaxed hard on top of him.   
Irina collapsed, trembling and gasping for air, and laid down on his chest, enjoying the warmth of his arms embracing her.   
“I needed that so badly,” she panted, still out of breath.   
“So did I,” the Doctor murmured, his nose buried in her hair.   
They laid there for a few minutes, completely at peace with the universe and anything else, lost in the aftermath of their orgasms. When they heard Captain Janeway’s voice from their communicators, they both jumped.   
“Captain to the Chief Medical Officer and his assistant.”  
Irina stretched to reach her communicator and pushed it.   
“Yes, were listening.” She tried to sound as casual as possible.   
“Please report to my ready room.”  
“We’re on our way.”  
The Doctor looked up at Irina. “This is not good.”


	36. 36

When they entered Janeway’s ready room they were not sure what to expect but they definitely feared for the worst. However, the Captain looked surprisingly content.   
“Thank you for coming here so quickly. I have something to show you.”  
She turned her computer around and pushed a button to start a video transmission.  
“This is chancellor Carag from the Qu’lar. I am sending you this message to thank you again for your persistent investigations. Your findings shook our society in its foundations. At first, the accusations towards our religious leaders were considered scandalous and caused riots and almost even a civil war. However, over time more and more children spoke up about what had happened to them and the public opinion changed. We managed to banish the cult’s leaders and send them into exile. Hopefully, all of their influence on our politics has been put to an end. Please accept my gratitude for your excellent work. Your Captain can be grateful to have people like you as a part of her crew.   
Since we now know about the horrible fate of so many children we have created therapy facilities to help them cope with their experiences. Although we of course know that we can not undo our mistakes we hope that we can give many children the opportunity to live a life without abuse. This is also thanks to your efforts.   
I also supposed you might be curious about how Kyra fared. They are currently undergoing psychological therapy to re-integrate their personalities. It’s going to be a long and strenuous way but we are optimistic that one day they are able to live a life on their own. Your therapy dog was a very fruitful idea. We have copied your holoemitter and installed similar devices in our therapy facilities. The results are very promising. I’ve attached a picture of Kyra for you to see. Additionally, they have written letters to the both of you. I will attach them to this message as well.   
May the rest of your journey be safe and your way home short.”  
Captain Janeway handed them two PADDs, then she closed the video message and opened a picture of five children grouped around Kyra, who was holding the therapy dog in her arms, smiling.   
Irina felt her eyes watering. She had expected Captain Janeway to tell them off but instead she showed them the results of their best work. The Doctor patted her shoulder.  
“Good work, Irina. I am very thankful to have you as my assistant.”  
Then they wanted to leave because Captain Janeway didn’t say anything but when they turned around they heard her stern voice:  
“Did I say you two were dismissed?”  
“No, Captain,” Irina answered and turned back to her. “We just thought-“  
“I have something else to discuss with you. It’s about your relationship.”  
Both Irina and the Doctor froze immediately.   
“There has been a lot of gossip lately,” Janeway continued. “And apparently you have given the crew good reasons for it.”  
She gave them both a reproving look.   
“I- I am sorry Captain, it was my fault that I-“ Irina began, but Captain Janeway cut her off.   
“Have I given you the permission to speak?”  
“No, Captain.”  
Janeway turned to the Doctor who was visibly uncomfortable.   
“Despite of your assistant’s efforts to take the blame you are the one responsible here. You are a Commanding Officer of this ship so I expect you to set a good example to the rest of the crew.”  
“I understand, Captain. We will not provide any more reasons for gossip. I promise.”  
“I hope so. Otherwise I will have to take disciplinary actions.”  
“Aye, Captain.”  
Janeway’s expression softened when she looked from the Doctor to Irina. “To speak personally I am glad you two have found happiness on this journey. But I need you to keep your relationship private. This is a spaceship and not a high school.”  
Irina nodded. “Yes, Captain.”  
When the Doctor and her left Janeway’s ready room they both breathed a sigh of relief.   
“I’m sorry, Doc,” Irina said sheepishly as they walked down the corridor.   
“It’s okay. The Captain is right, it was my responsibility. We should be more careful in the future. Even if that means we can’t spend as much time together.”  
“Yes, I understand.”  
They walked silently until they reached the turbolift. Now that they knew they had to refrain from showing their affection towards each other in public, situations like this were rather awkward.   
“I am afraid I need to head back to sickbay now. I still have a lot of work to do,” the Doctor broke the silence.   
“Yes, sure.”  
Irina smiled but on the inside she wished so much that he would have joined her to her quarters. “I will go to my quarters then. I have a letter to read.” She held up the PADD she had gotten from Captain Janeway. After all she was very curious to hear from their former patient.   
“Good night, Irina,” the Doctor said as they had reached deck five and he left the turbolift.  
“Good night.”


	37. Chapter 37

When Irina looked at the PADD she noticed not only that there was more than one letter. She also noticed, although they were written in an alien language, that the handwritings differed drastically from one letter to another. She laid down on her couch and started reading the translation the universal translator provided her with.   
The first letter was written in a clearly legible, neat student’s handwriting.  
“Dear Irina,   
This is Kyra writing. I wanted you to know that I am alright. We are currently in a therapeutic facility with many other children who shared our fate. It is still difficult to live in one body with four other persons. But we are getting along a lot better now. Leska still has problems to fit in with the rest of us. So she rarely comes to the front. We others started to talk more to each other. When K'tah is at the front I can see what he is doing or saying. It helps us a lot. We’ve given our dog a name now. We’ve called him Yappy because of the sound that he makes. We also share him with the other children. Life if a lot better now. I wanted to thank you and your friend for your help. You should know I think about you two very often. I hope you find your way home.   
Kyra”  
Irina wiped a single tear off her cheek and scrolled to the next letter. The handwriting was messy and not the one of a girl.   
“Hi Irina,   
it’s me, K’tah, how you doing? Hope you're good. Actually I just wanna say thanks. Not much more. But the therapists say I should write a lil more. I don’t know what to write. We’re good, life is okay here. We’re getting along.   
K’tah”  
The last letter was in a very weird handwriting. It leaned from one side to the other, some letters were missing or illegible, the writing went over the borders of the paper.   
“Hello Irina   
I am Leska. I’ve done wrong many times. I don’t want to write you. But I have to. To get better they say. I don’t know. I don’t know anymore. What is my purpose?”  
Irina just stared at the letter, unable to hold back tears any longer. Although the children were safe now there was so much damage done. Damage, that could have been prevented if adults had looked closer. If a society had cared more about their most vulnerable members. She put away the PADD and laid flat on her bed. Her quarters were still mostly dark, she had forgotten to turn the lights on because she had been so curious for the letters. Suddenly, her quarters felt very empty to her. She wished it was still noon, then she would have gone to the mess hall or gone to work, to have something to do. To find distraction from the thoughts of how unfair all of this was. Not only did she feel sad, she also felt angry and hopeless. She wondered how many children were suffering like this on planets that she, or that Starfleet, had visited before. And yet there was nothing they could do about it.   
She got up and sat at her computer, opening the message program. Although she knew he was very busy at sickbay, she decided to write to the Doctor. If there was someone to comfort her then it surely was him.   
“Hey Doc, are you there?”   
“Hello Irina. Yes, I am here.”  
“Would you mind coming to my quarters?”  
“I am sorry but I still have a lot of work to do.”  
Irina sighed and buried her face in her hands. So that meant she was alone with those cruel thoughts she was having. She plumped down on her bed again, hiding her head under a cushion. For a few minutes she just laid there, trying to make her brain shut up. But it didn’t work. What was bothering her the most was that she couldn’t help Kyra and the other children more. They just uncovered the unbelievable events and then they left. Just when Kyra or K’tah had started to trust them. Probably this had been a bad choice?   
The ring of the doorbell interrupted her thoughts. Quickly she sat up and tidied up her hair.   
“Yes. Come in.”  
She was surprised when it was the Doctor who was standing in the doorframe.   
“Didn’t you say you had a lot of work left?”  
“In fact, I have. But you didn’t respond to my latest message and so I wanted to check up on you.”  
“Thank you for coming. I think I need a little bit of company right now.”  
“What’s wrong?”  
“It’s the letters. It’s not that I am not happy to hear from Kyra and the others. It’s just that I feel guilty. I can’t stop thinking we could have done more for them. On top of that, I am wondering how many children suffer the same fate and never get any help.”  
“I see,” the Doctor said and sat next to her on the bed. “That’s one of the problems you’re facing as a doctor.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“You always wonder if you could have done more. If there was something you overlooked or if you didn’t pay enough attention to an important detail.”  
“Wait, so you’re telling me you feel the same?”  
“I often do. It’s part of my programming. I am always striving to improve myself. But this also means that I often doubt if I have done enough.”  
“Really? I've never noticed.”  
“That means I have done a good job at hiding it. I cannot let it show. As long as I am with my patients I have to be confident. Who would want a doctor that always doubts his own decisions?”  
“But you do know the feeling I’ve described?”   
“Yes, of course. You get used to it over time but it still persists somewhere in the back of your head. The truth is, you can’t save everyone. There will always be people dying, people suffering, people not receiving the treatment they urgently need. We’re trying our best to prevent this from happening but sometimes it’s impossible to help someone... For example with a species we haven’t even known before.”  
Irina sighed. “I guess you're right. I think I will have to get used to it, too.”  
The Doctor wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled up to him, her head leaning on his shoulder.   
“I’m glad you’re here, Doc.”  
“I am glad you’re here. For me, I mean. Having someone to talk to, someone who goes through the same struggles. Believe me, it was very lonely in sickbay before you were there.”  
“I think I understand. In engineering we were never alone. In sickbay, however...”  
The Doctor nodded. “I’ve never really told anyone but when Kes left, I was devastated. She was like a sister to me. When she was gone it was as if a part of me had gone with her. I was so full of hope when you came to me.”  
“So that’s why you forgave me keeping my disease a secret?”  
“I suppose so. I was too afraid of losing someone again.”  
Irina looked up at him, caressing his cheek with her hand. “Isn’t that ironic?”  
“What do you mean?”   
“That your fear of losing me was what gave us the chance to find each other’s love?”  
He took her hand to his mouth and kissed it. “Maybe that was just how it was meant to be.”


	38. Chapter 38

They heard a soft “plop” when the golf ball hit the water surface and vanished inside the lake. The Doctor shook his head. “It seems I am out of luck.”  
“Ha! Now you know how it feels to be a puny human!” Irina laughed.   
“It’s very strenuous. You can’t believe how thankful I am to be a hologram.”  
He put the golf club aside and sighed, looking around on the golf course. “I think we should call it a day.”  
“Whatever you say, Doc. I have something I wanted to talk to you about.”  
“Oh, really? What is it?”  
Irina did not answer but instead took his hand. “Let’s go for a walk, shall we?”  
He nodded and followed her, slowly becoming nervous about what it was that she wanted to talk about. After a while, when they had reached the light forest surrounding the golf course, Irina started to speak again:  
“Yesterday, when you were with me in my quarters...”  
“Yes?” He gulped.   
“I think.... I think it was good you were there. Maybe this sounds weird but it felt like home to me.”  
“You don’t consider Voyager your home, do you?”  
“I did not. Until yesterday. But having you with me reminded me of home so much. Although I am thousands of light years away from earth, for a moment it felt like here was the place belonged. I wish you could be there more often.”  
“I am sure we can arrange that. I can visit you anytime, as long as there is not too much work to do in sickbay.”  
“I know, but that’s not what I mean. I mean... It would be wonderful if I... if I had someone to come home to.”  
“You mean...” he began but didn’t finish his sentence.  
“When I come from work I’d love to find you there... in my quarters.” She avoided his gaze as if she was too afraid of his reaction. “I’ve got a lot of saved replicator rations because I usually eat Neelix’ food. I could ask the Captain if she would allow me to install holoemitters in my quarters. Then you could, of course only if you wanted to, join me there anytime.”  
He stopped and looked at her. “You mean no mobile emitter, no long corridor walks, no gossip about why people saw me walk in and out of your quarters?”  
“Exactly.”  
“You would do that for me? Are you sure? I could show up in your quarters anytime, what about your privacy?”  
“I think you have already seen everything of me that could be seen. There’s nothing for me to worry about.”  
The Doctor remained silent for a while, still trying to grasp what Irina had just offered him. He had always dreamed of having his own quarters. Like a real person. Like a full member of the crew. Of course, sharing a quarter with Irina did not mean they were his own. But it was as close as it could get. Not that he minded sharing quarters with her. If he actually had his own, sooner or later this would have been the case anyways. But he would finally have privacy. A place to relax. A place where he was not just the ship’s Doctor but a independent individual. He could do whatever he wanted to. Well, almost.   
“Are you sure?” he asked again.   
“Yes! Why do you keep asking? Do you want me to change my mind?”  
“No! Of course not! It’s just that... you will share your whole life with me from then on. That will mean a significant change for you. I’ve told you before how much I wanted my own quarters. But I don’t want you to feel obliged to do that.”  
Irina turned to him and took his hands. “I don’t offer you this because I feel obliged. I offer it because I want to. Of course I cannot guarantee that the captain will agree. But I think it’s worth trying.”  
The Doctor studied her for a moment.   
“Why are you doing all of this for me?” he whispered.   
“Because I love you, is that so hard to believe?”  
“I don’t know. A few years before I was just some piece of technology and that was how the crew treated me. And today there is someone.... you... asking me if I want to share quarters with her. Things have changed so much since I met you.”  
“I am sorry, I didn’t want to rush you.”  
“No, you didn’t rush me. You can’t believe how thankful I am for your offer. This is what I’ve been dreaming of for a long time. I am just not used to this situation.”  
“What do you mean?”   
He sighed and looked at Irina, suddenly way less self-confident than he usually was. “I’ve never had any long-term relationship. I don’t actually know how that works. Or what it means.”  
“Oh, I see. But I am sure you will learn it quickly.” She smiled and took his hands, squeezing them. “And if there is something left unclear, I am glad to be your teacher. I think it will be fun to switch roles for once.”   
He nodded and just wanted to answer something, when suddenly they heard the doorbell ring through the sound of birds chirping and leaves rustling.   
“Yes, come in!” Irina shouted.   
“Hey you two lovebirds! I’m sorry to interrupt you but your time’s up,” B’Elanna chuckled as she entered the holodeck wearing a Klingon fighting outfit and carrying a Bat’leth.   
Irina let go of the Doctor’s hands and smiled. “Don’t worry, B’Elanna. We’ve got an important appointment with the captain anyways.”  
And with these words the Doctor and Irina left the holodeck, leaving behind a somewhat confused B’Elanna who kept wondering what on earth that appointment might be.


	39. Chapter 39

“Hello Irina, this is the Doctor,” Irina suddenly heard her communicator and jumped, hitting her head on the ceiling of her quarters’ electricity cabinet.   
“Ouch! Yes, I’m listening,” she muttered as an answer.   
“Irina, are you alright?” The Doctor asked, concerned and now regretting his own impatience.   
“Yes. Yes I am alright. I’ve just hit my head on the electricity cabinet.”  
“Do you want me to come over?”  
“No. Wait... Yes, if you want. I’m almost done with the installation of the holo emitter. If you have time we can try it out.”  
She didn’t receive an answer but she also had not expected one. In her minds eye she could already see him grabbing the mobile emitter and rushing towards her quarters. After captain Janeway had agreed to have a holo emitter installed in Irina’s quarters the Doctor had not been the same. He was like a puppy that was urgently waiting to go for a walk in the park, constantly asking when Irina was about to start working on the holo emitter, how the work was going, if she could already tell how long it would take and so on. It came to a point where she even thought about deactivating her communicator for a few hours to work in peace.   
She had not yet finished her train of thought when her doorbell rang.   
“Come in!” she yelled and the Doctor entered.   
“Hey. How is your head?”  
“Oh, don’t worry. Just a bump, nothing for you to take care of.”  
The Doctor nodded, still uncomfortable since he was the one at fault for her pain. “Can I help you with something?”   
Irina got up and closed the electricity cabinet energetically. “No, thank you. Believe it or not, but I am done.”  
He watched her wipe the dust off of her uniform and was unsure what to say. He was nervous, very nervous. This moment seemed so short and so insignificant yet it was so incredibly important to him. From now on, his life would not be the same again. He opened his mouth to say something but instead Irina spoke: “So should we try it out?”  
He just nodded and Irina put her hand on the mobile emitter on his arm.   
“Ready?”  
“Yes. I think so.” He squinted as if he was expecting something unpleasant to take place, but when Irina took the mobile emitter off of him, nothing happened. For a second he stood there, carefully opening his eyes, then he looked down at his hands and his legs, making sure that his visual appearance was like it was supposed to be.   
“It’s working!” he stated, now feeling his torso and his head with his hands.   
“Why does that sound so surprised? Didn’t you trust my engineering work?”  
“Of course I did! I suppose I can’t yet believe that this is actually happening. I wasn’t expecting that it would be so easy.”  
“Oh, it definitely wasn’t easy,” Irina sighed and plumped down on her couch. “I had to reroute the main power supply via the secondary fuses so that-“  
“I don’t mean just the technical details, I mean the whole process. We’ve asked the captain, she said yes, you did all the work and now I am here. I was never allowed to have my own quarters before but then you came and suddenly it all worked so well.”  
“I guess you just got lucky!” Irina smirked. “But why are you still standing there like a Vulcan? Why don’t you sit down with me?”  
“Oh, I’m sorry. I still need to get used to the fact that these are also my quarters now,” he answered and quickly sat down next to her.   
There was an awkward silence and Irina could still see the tension in his body as he was sitting on the edge of the couch, ready to jump up anytime.   
“What’s wrong?” she asked.   
“I... I don’t know. It feels so unfamiliar.”  
“I’m afraid you’ll have to get used to it. Or do you rather want to leave?”  
“No! Definitely not!” She could sense a hint of panic in his voice.   
“Then try to relax a bit. You’re not on probation here. Remember what you said to me on our first date? There’s nothing you can do wrong.”  
Gently she put a hand on his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his holomatrix through the fabric of his uniform.   
“Maybe switching to some more casual attire could help?” Irina suggested. “I am sure you have prepared-“  
“I have prepared 14 different varieties of pajamas and other comfortable clothes, yes.”  
Irina smiled and shook her head. Just as she had expected. “Then try them on! What are you waiting for?”  
He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes.   
“Oh, are you serious?” she sighed. “Well, okay then. I will go to the bathroom and do some human things and you stay here and decide on an outfit. Is that alright?”  
He nodded and seemed relieved. “Yes, very much. Thank you.”


	40. Chapter 40

When she came back she found him sitting on the couch, nervously drumming his fingers on the armrest. As soon as she entered the door he jumped up.   
“Oh, no need to get up-“ she began, then she took a closer look at what he was wearing. His outfit consisted of dark blue satin pajamas, with the shirt left slightly unbuttoned to reveal a tempting glance of his chest. She caught herself staring.   
“Is there something wrong with this outfit?” he asked and seemed worried.   
“No, definitely not. You look good. I mean... you look hot, actually.”  
“Oh, really?” He smiled, genuinely surprised to receive such a compliment from another person. From a woman, especially. In the past it had always been him complimenting on other’s looks, may it be Seven, Irina or anyone else. Although Irina had called him handsome once before, “hot” was something new. But now that he heard it for the first time he was sure he could get used to it.   
“Yes, really. I always thought you were quite confident with your appearance, isn’t that the case?”  
“Well, I am not unhappy with my creator’s physique. However, nobody has ever called me ‘hot’ before.”  
“Oh I am sure Danara Pel must have felt the same way about you.”  
“Yes, I suppose so.” He nodded. Even though he assumed that Irina was right, Danara would have never used that word to describe him. She had been way more shy and reserved than Irina was. Irina spoke her mind and made clear what she thought and what she wanted. He had to admit, he liked that character trait a lot.   
“What do you think, should we go to bed?” she asked, sitting on one side of it, leaving space for him to sit next to her. The bed was only intended for one person but she was sure they would fit in somehow.   
“I would love to, but as you might know-“  
“I know, you’re unable to sleep.”  
“Yes, exactly.”  
“Could you do me a favour then?”  
“I’m sure I can. What is it?”  
“Could you just lie down with me and hold me for a while? I’m dead tired, I think I will be asleep in no time.”  
“Oh, of course. Whatever you want.”  
They snuggled under the blanket and the Doctor hugged Irina from behind, his hand resting on her belly. Since the bed was rather small, they had to squeeze together really tight, but none of them minded that. Finally, they had found a place where they could enjoy each other’s company without any limitations. No risk of someone entering any time, no mobile emitter, no holodeck timer running out. Irina laid her hand on the Doctor’s, his skin feeling warm under her touch. She could sense his body becoming more and more relaxed with every breath he took. It was good to know he felt better now. She understood that he had been nervous, since he had never lived with anyone else. He had always been on his own. And so had she, at least since she lived on Voyager. It would take some time to get used to the change, that much was certain. But although she was light years from home she had found something... or someone... that she had never imagined when she was back on earth. On this little ship, lost in the Delta Quadrant, threatened by the Borg, the Kazon, the Hirogen and whoever else they might encounter in the future, she had found love.   
She still remembered how it felt when she had fallen in love with the Doctor. How she could not believe it at first and was eager to forget about it as soon as possible. How she dreamt of lying in his arms, here in her quarters, in her bed, but how she was certain that was never going to happen. But somehow, it had happened. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. To feel the warmth of him lying next to her was like a dream coming true. It had been so long since someone hugged her like that. Since she had fallen asleep in a man’s arms like that. And she had not felt as safe as she did now in a very long time.   
For the Doctor, however, this was the first time he went to sleep with a woman. Of course he had experienced sex before, but the act of going to bed with someone just to sleep was actually new to him. He loved having sex with Irina, but this here was something different. It was so calming and relaxing to feel her lying in his arms and just being there, with nothing to do, nothing to say and nothing to worry about. Sadly, he himself could not sleep but simply lying here with her was enough to fill his heart with warmth and comfort.   
When he was first activated he wouldn’t even have dreamed of where he was today. Not only did he have the chance to have sex... And God, how wonderful that was... He also had the chance to have a real long-term relationship. And all of that not with another hologram, but with another human. For him, that he was just programmed as the ship’s doctor – and actually not even that, just the emergency doctor – that was more than he could ever have imagined. And yet, here he was. Mostly thanks to Irina. Of course, also thanks to Danara, but what they had was something very different. He loved her, but they had only two weeks until she had to head back to her people. With Irina he had years, hopefully. Years to learn and to get familiar with what it meant to live in a relationship. He was sure that not everything was going to be easy, but he definitely wanted to experience it. He wanted to go through all the highs and the lows together with her. He wanted to learn, to grow as a person and to be a good man for her.   
He rested his head on his hand to be able to look at her better. How she was lying there, her face only lit by the stars outside the cabin window, she looked so fragile with her pale skin and her light blonde hair. But he knew that she definitely wasn’t. She was always so strong and determined, most likely more than he was. He would have never told anyone but he admired her for that. She was not a hologram that could learn everything just by downloading new information into her data base. When she started working at sickbay, she had to learn everything from the bottom up. She had to sit down for hours every day and study. But still, she had mastered every task he had given her. She had become an important part of his work life but also his closest friend. And she had forgiven him his mistakes every single time.   
“I don’t know how I deserve you,” he whispered into her hair but he didn’t receive an answer. Instead, he could hear her breath going slowly and regularly. Apparently she was already fast asleep. So that meant, since he lacked the ability to sleep, that it was time for him to leave. But somehow he did not want to move one bit. Now, that he was lying here with her, getting back to sickbay wasn’t so urgent anymore. It was night time, and if there was an emergency they would be called anyways. The work that was left could easily be done tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow maybe. It didn’t really matter. The only thing he knew for certain was that he wanted to stay here with her just a little longer. 

~ THE END ~ (for now) 

So it is done! :) The story is finally finished, I can hardly believe it... For something that started out as “let’s just write some random stuff during my lunch break” it became quite a long story I guess :D I want to thank all of my readers and especially everyone who left reviews! I love you guys! And I am so glad I am not the only Doctor fan out there. *woot* Your reviews were a huge motivation to keep writing and reading one always made my day a little brighter. Thank you so much! Also the constructive criticism helped a lot and I learned something new about the English language.   
Now I am going to write some Doctor/Seven stuff I think. However, I’ve still got many ideas left for this story, too... And Irina kind of has a place in my heart so probably I'll continue. Actually I want to continue, but I can’t promise that I’ll find the time. If I do, I will add the new chapters here :)   
If you have any requests or something that you would like to read just write me. I am always thankful for new inspiration :)  
Persistentsquirrel out! *flies away on starship Voyager*


End file.
